Live Inside My Bubble

The Big 31

2012-02-15T08:50:00.000-06:00

Birthdays are a BIG DEAL to me so it took me by surprise when February 13 snuck up so quickly this year. I guess being a parent means I have a few other things to pre-occupy my time with these days. About a week before, I started to panic with fear my 31st year would pass by with a whimper. I brainstormed a few ideas and emailed them to Andi, knowing he's the one person who'd have to pull off a fabulous birthday celebration for me (I'm pretty sure it's in our marriage contract, right under the part where I promise to pick up his underwear off the floor until my dying day).

My birthday fell on a Monday this year, so naturally we'd need to celebrate ALL WEEKEND LONG. Also, knowing Andi had a work event on Friday night, I suggested the following birthday activities:

1) Take a last-minute flight deal to somewhere. This is a gamble as we'd be in the mercy of the airlines and whatever special they might be offering. I could end up spending my birthday in Pittsburgh.

2) Take a weekend trip to Duluth, Minnesota. Andi and I usually spend a weekend there once a year anyway. We could stay in a hotel, find a fun activity to do on Saturday.

3) Stay home. Relax. Hang out as a family. Have dinner with friends. Eat cake. One catch though, no or/ limited technology throughout the weekend. I didn't want Andi to be torn into work or answering calls during my days of honor.

4) Go to the cabin. We already had a cabin weekend planned for later in February, but this is the one place on Earth where we can quickly escape all stresses of reality.

Andi chose #3. We decided to stay home for my birthday (something unprecedented; we almost always have some fun adventure planned. I have to admit, I was a little nervous The Big 31 wouldn't live up to my expectations.

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On Friday night, I put Tory to bed and headed down to Six Speed's Open House for their new office space. I had a blast hanging out with friends and once again, was so proud of Andi for taking the next step in running a successful agency. It was neat to talk to clients and work friends of his and listen to them sing his praises, confirming what I already know: what an awesome friend and creative mind he is.

Photo credit: Hickey Photography

As part of the event entertainment, Six Speed hired shadow dancers. It was so funny to watch the crowd in amazement of these ladies dance behind a white screen. Men at the party with jaws open wide and drool streaming from their mouths; women not sure if they should be mad or intrigued. Definitely a party highlight.

Photo credit: Hickey Photography

The party was still roaring at Midnight when I quietly made my exit. I playfully reminded Andi my birthday festivities would start early the next morning ... was he ready to celebrate?
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Saturday morning, Andi and I woke up to the sounds of Tory and Grandma Janie playing in the living room. Janie had babysat Tory Friday evening and stayed the night since we planned to be home late. Tory still isn't sleeping through the night (although she's getting better!) so it was a nice treat to sleep in on Saturday morning for a few extra hours while Janie took care of the baby. Andi ran out to our favorite French bakery for pastries and coffee for breakfast and we sat around the rest of the morning playing toys with Tory.

On Saturday night, we were invited to our friends Nick and Julie's house for dinner. It's always chaotic fun when our two families get together because the kiddos rule our evening. Julie's boys, Joel and Alex, played with Tory, we ate dinner and ice cream all while the adults tried to have a conversation over play time. Our life has definitely taken a different turn with kids, and I love every minute of it.
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Sunday morning, Andi suggested we go to church. We're trying to find a new place to go near our house in the suburbs. The last time we attempted church on Sunday, Tory had a full-on meltdown through most of the service but this visit, she was happily entertained by the music and people around her. We made it through most of the service before she started to get cranky. Tory fell asleep on the car ride home so Andi and I decided to drive around so she could get in a little bit of a nap. We went to the car wash, stopped and got Quiznos and ate our sandwiches in the car. (A very 31-year-old way to celebrate my birthday weekend).

Later, Andi and I met our friends Derrick and Ellie for drinks and dinner in downtown Minneapolis. Andi's parents were babysitting Tory and for once I let go of all my breastfeeding obsessions about pumping and storing milk fall to the wayside. It was my birthday weekend and I decided to have a guilt-free good time. (Usually, I fret all evening about pumping to replace the milk used while we have a babysitter and not drinking alcohol so I can feed the baby /or pump as soon as I return home). Andi and I started our evening with a cocktail at Eli's Bar, then met our friends for another cocktail at Marvel Bar. This place was swanky and hipstery, all the things WE ARE NOT these days, so it was really fun to be outside our element for once. We made our way to Bar La Grassa for a fabulous dinner. Seriously, it was by far the best meal we've eaten in a long time!

Birthday Date Night!

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On Monday - MY BIRTHDAY! - I spent a quiet day with Tory. We read stories, played toys, she took a nap and I fed my new obsession by reading The Hunger Games. Tory even made me a sign above her changing table to wish me a happy birthday (thanks Janie!)

Andi came home from work at 4:30pm (!!!) and made me a birthday dinner of pork chops and butternut squash risotto. But by far, the best moment of my birthday was after dinner. Andi and I laid on the floor of Tory's play room with her and took turns reading her bedtime stories. It was one of those euphoric floating-on-the-clouds moments where I realized my entire world was right there before me.

Thirty-one wasn't the craziest birthday celebration, but it was one I'll never forget. I wished for quality time with my family and friends and Andi made it perfect. It's going to be a great year.

Tory - 24 Weeks Old

2012-02-14T19:10:00.000-06:00

Tory - 24 Weeks Old

Happy Valentine's Day!

Baby Girl's Play Room

2012-02-09T08:00:00.000-06:00

We have three upstairs bedrooms in our house: the master, the nursery and an "extra" room which was living up to its name perfectly. An extra room accumulating stuff I didn't feel like storing in my living room. Mostly, this included various baby gadgets like the bouncy seat, exercauser, Bumbo seat, activity mat and a lifetime supply of baby rattles.

(Alright, so you don't think I'm a complete slob, I should confess there isn't usually a random lamp and a ladder thrown into the mix. I asked Andi to snap a photo before we began to do a little re-decorating).

I decided to turn our extra room into a play room for Tory. Obviously, she doesn't do a lot of "playing" at 5 months of age but I wanted to create a comfortable space to spend time with her and also a place to store her growing pile of toys. The catch is, I didn't want to spend a lot of money (or put in a great deal of time) because this room will eventually become her future brother or sister's nursery and there's no sense in decorating a room only to re-decorate it in another year or two. So, a play room on the cheap. Challenge accepted!

I figured a vinyl wall sticker would be the fastest (and laziest) way to make a big impact in the room without changing the paint color so I searched Etsy and found this adorable animal-themed sticker for $129. Kind of a lot of money for a sticker, yes, but I figured it'd be the room's primary focal piece so I bought it. Andi lovingly volunteered to help me assemble it on the wall one evening this week after Tory went to bed (holy cow, I was so tired the next day, did I mention how silly it is to start home improvement projects at 9pm?).

The sticker was really easy to put up, actually. In my foggy no-sleep brain, I couldn't remember if I ordered it according to the size of our wall or not so we just winged its installation. The type-A, logical part of my brain thought we should have measured it out beforehand but the tired, "holy crap, I'm going to be up with Tory all night" part of me said screw it, let's just get it done. I think it turned out quite well, all things considered.

Next, I asked Andi to move the IKEA bookshelf from Tory's room into the new play room and added soft cubes from Target (on sale, $7.99 ea.) to store her toys and add a splash of color.

Andi hung the Wood From The Hood growth chart Tory received as a Christmas present on the wall. I added an animal lamp from Target ($29.99) which matches the characters on the wall almost perfectly.

Et voila! An easy-peasy play room space for Tory, all for around $200. Someday, I may add a bulletin board to the wall to hang her artwork but in the meantime, this space is perfect for us. We've already spent quite a few hours here reading books and playing toys on the floor.

Freezer Meal Monday

2012-02-08T08:48:00.000-06:00

I love Mondays. I think I'm the only person on the planet who probably says that, but I do! On Fridays, while I'm happy to be at home with my little Tory Bean, I'm also dead tired from my work week and getting up with Tory all night long. Weekends are fun, but they're full of places to be and visitors at our house. I'm not complaining by any means, they're just busy. Mondays, though, are glorious. They're quiet and peaceful and usually just Tory and I at home. We play toys, take good naps and tackle household chores. On Monday, I kicked butt at domesticity.

I was inspired by Mama Tully's blog post the other day to make some freezer meals. I used to go to one of those places where you make a month's worth of freezer meals at once, but I tired of the same menu items and the inability to use organic / local ingredients to my liking. After I had Tory, the thought of getting out of the house to make meals, even for an hour, was overwhelming. Five months later, I finally felt ready to tackle a big cooking project in the kitchen.

I borrowed several meal ideas from Mama Tully's blog and also perused this website to formulate a list of meals to suit our family's taste and budget. In the past, I've always thought the hardest part about making freezer meals is the lack of direction in what steps to hold off on until day of cooking or how far to assemble the meal. That's why I loved the Once a Month Cooking website so much! It clearly listed all of the steps I needed to prepare my meals ahead of time.

I selected the meals linked to below, but halfed the portion sizes to 3-4 servings. It makes sense in theory to prepare 6-8 servings and split them into two meals (or make it all and have leftovers) since I already bought the ingredients and am going through the work of assembling the meal, but I know from past experience we won't eat something again if we didn't like it the first time. If I split it into two meals and we don't end up liking the recipe, the second meal will sit in the freezer for months before I finally end up tossing it out. We're not big leftovers people so I know we won't re-heat a meal and eat it for dinner a second night. I'm not creative enough to take one meal and transform it into an entirely different menu item the next day. I thought it was better for us to make smaller-portioned recipes, try them first and add them into our meal rotation if they're winners. Lately, I've been preparing a plate for our nanny to eat for lunch the next day with our small amount of leftovers and she loves it when I do. I think it's easier for her to heat up whatever we ate the night before instead of making something for herself and it's easier (and cheaper!) for me, too. I don't have to buy extra snacks and groceries for her meals on Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays. So, all this to say this list won't feed us for an entire month because I halfed the recipes and won't have leftovers to re-heat for another dinner. But! It's a good start.

Recipe List:
Orange-Beef Stew, Chicken N' Cherries, Italian Beef, French Dip Sandwiches (featured in context of Tully blog)
Easy Ranch Chicken
Cranberry Chicken

I also made Black Bean and Rice Enchiladas to deliver to a friend with a new baby and doubled the amount of black beans and tomatoes to make enough for a second meal. I bought disposable square tins to store the enchiladas in (6 enchiladas per tin). This made enough for two freezers meals for us, plus a third to give away.

I especially selected these meals because they required few ingredients and many of which I already had on hand. I assembled them during Tory's morning and afternoon naps (which as everyone knows are VERY SHORT) so I would guess I spent a total of 1 1/2 hours assembling the freezer meals. I felt so accomplished after my success in the kitchen, I scooped Tory up and snuggled her for the rest of the afternoon. She snoozed a bit and I read The Hunger Games on my Kindle. What an awesome way to spend a Monday.

Super Bowl Weekend

2012-02-06T08:16:00.002-06:00

This weekend was suppose to be our annual girl's trip in Des Moines, but Mother Nature had other plans and dumped 11 inches of snow in Nebraska and Iowa making travel too dangerous for our road tripping adventure. Des Moines isn't necessarily a hot-spot destination, in case you're wondering, but it's half-way between Omaha (where my best friend Ashley lives) and the Twin Cities. Since my girlfriend Val is expecting her second baby next month, this was the last feasible weekend for us all to get together. Sigh, a weekend of girl talk and shopping wasn't in the cards, I guess.

Since Tory and I were planning to be gone this weekend, I told Andi to make other plans with his friends. And he did - he rented an ice house and invited some friends to spend the weekend at the lake, fishing and drinking. There was silence on the other end of the line when Andi told his friends my trip was cancelled. I assume they thought theirs would be too but I'm an awesome wife so, of course, I let Andi still have his weekend. Go on Andi, tell everyone how wonderfully lucky you are ....

Before Andi left Saturday morning, we snapped these photos of the beautiful winter wonderland in our neighborhood. Later that afternoon, Tory and I we ventured to Val's house for an play date with Kasen (too bad he slept for most of it!). Even though we weren't able to meet up with Ashley, I still had a nice time visiting with Val.

On Sunday, Janie came over to play with Tory. I ran to the grocery store and got a much-needed massage. Falling asleep with Tory in the rocking chair at night has limited my ability to turn my neck to one side and it's my birthday week so I thought I deserved a little pampering! Sunday evening, Andi, Tory and I were invited to a SuperBowl Party at my friend/co-worker Suzanne's house. Let's be honest, we mostly went for the food ... I didn't really care who won the game this year.

Tory's first Super Bowl Party. She's a little too excited to watch TV whenever she's near one.

Actually, Tory had a really fun time playing with all the kids at the party. It's nice she can finally sit up and be part of the action.

Suzanne, Tory and I

Andi and I left at half-time because parenting means bedtime is far more important than Madonna or a football game. When did we become so old and lame?

Tory in the Snow

2012-02-05T12:00:00.000-06:00

Seriously, I've never heard of the word "hoar frost" but apparently we had a beautiful case of it yesterday in the Twin Cities. Hoar frost is the deposit of white ice crystals on trees, streets and fences and made for an absolutely breathtaking winter's day outside our window on Saturday. And now I will stop saying that word because it sounds super weird and creepy and non-meterological ...

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Because the weather was so picture-perfect, Andi and I decided to take Tory outside for a quick photo session. It was 35 degrees outside but looked like a winter wonderland all around us.

My snow bunny

Mama and Baby

Daddy and Tory, too

All together, our family of three

Love.

Jim's 60th

2012-02-04T20:40:00.000-06:00

Andi's dad, Jim, turned 60 on Thursday!

Janie invited us over to their house for a fish fry and cake to celebrate Jim's big day. Jim's a big outdoorsman and caught some walleye on a recent fishing trip in Canada. Paired with wild rice salad, it was the perfect birthday meal for a true Minnesotan at heart. Lindsay baked Jim a chocolate cake and we brought the ice cream for dessert.

Tory wore her favorite "I Love Grandpa" shirt in honor of the birthday boy.

Grandpa Jim and Tory (later, in her jammies)

This was Tory's first time meeting Andi's grandma Dee.

After dinner, it was time to open presents. Lindsay gave Jim a Minnesota State Fair sweatshirt and his favorite candy.

Andi apparently decided the most practical birthday gift for his dad's 60th was a gun. My dad often tells me in life to "pick my battles" so I didn't ask questions ...

Jim (a big outdoorsman, remember) was shocked as he opened his gift from us ...

... and things are about to get WEIRD. These are photos I never thought I'd be posting on my blog but Andi thinks are hilarious.

Guns are scary. Have I mentioned my feeling on this topic?

I asked Andi what would one shoot with a gun like this? He said it's good for you know, "plinking around and stuff." Cans and targets, I assume.

There are more photos ... like ones where Andi's grandma is holding the gun but I can't bring myself to post them. Too creepy, weird, la la la la, strange.

It should be noted there were no bullets in said gun or anywhere around us at the time of this joyous birthday celebration ...

Ok, moving on ... we're ready for cake!
This was Tory's first time singing "Happy Birthday."

Happy birthday Jim!

Tory - 22 Weeks Old

2012-02-01T08:00:00.000-06:00

Tory - 22 Weeks Old

Lessons Learned While Traveling with an Infant

2012-01-31T08:57:00.001-06:00

Tory and I flew home from Nebraska yesterday afternoon and while overall, traveling solo with her went fairly smoothly, there were a bumps in the road on our return home.

First, the ticket agent was having a hard time adding "infant in arms" to my boarding pass when we arrived at the airport. I'd attempted to add it online when I checked in but the system wouldn't allow me to add it either. It took about 10 minutes for the worker to fix the glitch before we were able to say good-bye to my parents and head through security at the Lincoln airport.

Once Tory and I got to the gate, I quickly changed her pants and situated our belongings for boarding. As I pre-boarded the plane, I realized I hadn't requested to be by an empty seat if the plane wasn't full to give us some extra space. So, I wasn't surprised when a good-looking man (sorry husband, he was!) plunked down next to me a few minutes later. Great, I thought. Things are about to get real when I whip my boob out to nurse the baby during take-off. And sure enough as soon as I did, the guy nearly had an aneurysm (despite my best efforts to conceal myself - Tory did not appreciate a blanket draped over her head). OMG. This was literally the first and only time I've ever been embarrassed to feed my baby in public. I really missed my boob blocker (aka: Andi) on this flight home.

I have no idea what was the matter with Tory (well actually, I do, more on that later) but she did not want to nurse. She kept pulling away from me and smacking her lips against my skin (read: making an even bigger scene than we were already). I finally stopped nursing her and prayed her ears wouldn't pop on the ride up into the air. Tory started to fuss and throw herself back on my lap. Sitting quietly and playing with toys obviously wasn't in the cards on this trip. Thankfully, a man in the seat across the aisle started to make googly eyes and wave at Tory and she seemed amused by him. He was able to entertain her when all of my distractions failed. I quickly apologized for Tory's wiggle-worm antics to the man sitting next to me but he still wouldn't look me in the eyes. The shock of my boob must have still been lingering.

The flight attendant came through the cabin, offering everyone a drink and a packet of cookies. "What will you have?" she asked me. "Nothing, thank you," I said. "You don't want anything to drink?" she asked again. No lady, because how the heck would I manage an open-topped glass and cookie while holding onto my baby? Another downside of traveling solo with a little one.

About half way through the one-hour flight, Tory pooped her pants. Ah yes, that's why she was so fussy before. We were about to make our decent into Minneapolis, so I opted not to ask the man next to me to get up and move so I could take Tory to the bathroom. We can wait it out until we land, I decided. But the longer Tory sat on my lap, the more I envisioned poop spreading all through her diaper and up her back (this is a real problem with Tory's poops these days). I nursed Tory again on the decent (by this point I didn't really care if the man could see my boob or not, the mystery had been revealed I decided). Of course, she ate and started to fall asleep in my arms. Great timing, kiddo.

We debarked the plane and bee-lined to the nearest women's restroom. The changing table was right next to the bathroom door and I uneasily juggled Tory, three baby blankets, the Baby Bjorn and the diaper bag while trying to pull out the changing pad. This is the single biggest pain the ass when traveling alone with a baby: I only have two hands. I couldn't set anything down because ew, germy gross airport and I can't very well ask someone to hold Tory! "Cute baby," several ladies exclaimed as they entered the bathroom door. Holy crap, I was sweating to death. I finally got the changing pad out, laid Tory down and began to change her pants. My suspicions were confirmed: poop everywhere. I striped off her clothes, wiped her down and dressed her in some pajamas ... all while holding three baby blankets, the Baby Bjorn, diaper bag and Tory on the changing table. Phew!

I tried to call Andi, who was picking us up at the airport, to let him know we were running a few minutes behind. Unfortunately, my crappy-ass Blackberry's battery was already dead (even though I purposely charged it before I left my parent's house to prevent this from happening). We made our way to baggage claim, I grabbed my suitcase and headed to the pick-up area. Except ... shit. I can't stand outside on the sidewalk with Tory and wait for Andi to drive by. It's nighttime in Minnesota - far too cold to stand outside with a baby (I only had the Baby Bjorn; Andi was bringing the car seat). And because my cell phone was dead, I couldn't call Andi to see which door number he'd be waiting by. Finally, after standing inside the doorway for a few minutes, I wrapped three baby blankets around Tory and walked outside. We waited a few minutes, scanning through tons of cars for the sight of ours, before someone shouted "Heather!" down the sidewalk. It was Becca, a friend of Andi's who happened to be at the airport picking someone up. "Are you looking for Andi?" she asked. "I saw you standing there so I texted him. He's down at door 6," she said. Thank the Lord for Becca. We hurried down to door 6 and met Andi.

Moral of the story: traveling solo with a baby is completely doable but holy crap, it's tiring too. Finally at home, I walked through the door and practically threw Tory at Andi as I made a mad-dash to the bathroom. How the heck was I suppose to use the restroom myself with a baby and her belongings at the airport? I couldn't figure that one out so I'd been holding it for the last four hours.

Would I fly alone with Tory again? Absolutely. Overall, she was a great little traveler. But I also learned these things:

Bring extra blankets ... because the ones you carry through the airport will undoubtedly touch something (or fall on the floor once or twice) and will need to be washed again before use.
While you're at it, bring a second set of toys too ... because a rattle or two is bound to drop on the floor. I wasn't fast enough to catch every one Tory dropped.
Always request an empty seat next to you if the flight's not completely full. Or pray you'll be seated next to a woman who probably won't be so surprised to see your nipple.
Carry an extra outfit in case of diaper blow-outs. So glad I had one stashed in my diaper bag.
Don't own a Blackberry with a crappy battery.
Bring a bottle of water.
But don't drink it. You won't be able to use the bathroom! (on second thought, skip the beverages all together).

Letters to Tory: 5 Months

2012-01-30T08:00:00.000-06:00

Tory,

You're five months old! Days are quickly flying by us and with each one, Daddy and I are watching you grow into such a big girl. It's a beautiful gift to see the world blossom through your eyes.

You found your legs at 18 weeks old and a few days later, discovered your toes. More often than not, you've got those piggies in your mouth. You can't seem to get enough of them! Who knew feet could be so entertaining?

You're a big helper these days. The nanny tells us you've started to hold your own bottle and you love to help Mommy in the kitchen too. If I'm carrying you on my hip and a load of laundry with the other arm, you'll reach over and put your hand on the laundry, too. I laugh every time I fill up a water glass at the refrigerator door as you reach out to help me hold the cup there. I can't wait for the day we can bake cookies together or you can help me load the dishwasher. You're going to be mommy's little shadow, I just know it.

One of your favorite toys these days is the jumperoo. "She's going to love it!" Daddy kept saying. "It was my favorite toy when I was a baby!" he told me.

If you aren't just like your Daddy ...

Ha! That face. You LOVE the jumperoo. You'll spend 30 minutes in there (which feels like HOURS in baby time) jumping and squeaking and spinning. I love how excited you get when we say "kick, kick, kick" and you move your legs as fast as they'll go.

One of your biggest accomplishments this month was learning how to sit up on your own. At 20 weeks old, it took you exactly one afternoon to figure out how to balance yourself in a sitting position and you've been doing it like a pro ever since.

I watch you play and I'm amazed at how smart you are, little girl. You see a toy you want, purposefully reach out to grab it and bring it directly to your mouth. Sophie the Giraffe is one of your favorites and any kind of rattle. You haven't started teething yet, but you're becoming a slobber monster. Nana says your chin turns red from saliva, just the way mine did when I was your age.

You're a lot more interested in what we're doing at the dinner table these days, and reach out to grab our plates and silverware when we're trying to eat with you on our lap. At 21 weeks, we fed you rice cereal for the first time. Little Bean, you loved it! It's like you knew just what to do with a spoon and ate bite after bite we fed you.

With so many mental and physical milestones this month, I'm excited to see where you'll take us next. You truly are a blessing in our lives and we love you so much!

Love,
Mommy

There's No Place Like Home

2012-01-29T23:00:00.004-06:00

On the weekends Andi works, I always wish I lived closer to my family. I don't mind spending quiet time at home with Tory but sometimes it'd be nice to pop over to my parent's house for a visit. So on Tuesday when Delta released their Weekly Fare Specials and Lincoln, Nebraska was listed for $79, I jumped at the chance to get home for a few days. Lucky for me, I have no life and the travel requirements to fly in on Saturday and out on Monday worked just fine for me.

Tory and I packed up on Saturday morning and headed to the airport together. It was my first time flying solo with her and it went so smoothly. As always, Tory was an excellent traveler. She loves all the lights and people watching at the airport and was plenty entertained while we were there. I packed one bag and checked it so I didn't have to mess with carrying anything but her through the airport. Easy breezy!

Travel buddies

Coincidentally, this weekend was my great-grandma's 93rd birthday and my family planned a party for her on Saturday afternoon. My mom kept my visit a surprise so when Tory and I walked into her house on Saturday she was shocked! "You came all the way back for my birthday," she exclaimed. Yep Grandma, we did. Just for you. *wink, wink*

Tory and her Great-Great-Grandma

It's been years since we've all been over at my grandma's house together. It reminded me of my childhood so much, except these days we've got a whole new set of little ones running around the house. My cousin Jen, her husband Zach and daughter Lauren were there along with my other cousin Jes and her husband. Ashley and Jason came with their three kids. My 3rd (??) cousin who I haven't seen in years was there with her two little kids plus one of their friends. It was fun to play toys and watch them discover all the weird things that make my grandma's house what it is. (When we were little, we used to call her "Grandma Hosie" for example because her stockings used to hang from pipes in the laundry room downstairs). Or like this super creepy baby doll one of the girl's dug out from a back bedroom. Oh, the memories!

Little Lauren and creepy baby

Tory loves my sister Ashley and seriously squeals when she sees her. I can't get over this photo - I have another one from four years ago that's nearly an exact replica of this, except it's of my sister and her daughter Brooke when she was a baby. It's crazy how much Tory looks like my side of the family.

Ashley and Tory

After the party, my mom dug out a bunch of old photos and we couldn't believe just how much Tory (and Brooke) look like my mom when she was a baby. The resemblance really is incredible.

My mom Candy (left) and Aunt Cindy (right)

Today was a lazy day around my parent's house. It's kind of awesome to be back home for once with no agenda or place to be. My mom, sister and I played with Tory most of the afternoon. It was really nice for Tory to have some quality time with them. Later in the afternoon, we dressed Brooke and Tory in matching outfits and snapped a photo of the cousins together. They're growing up so quickly.

Tory and I fly home tomorrow afternoon. We're excited to get home and see Daddy but so thankful for the fun, relaxing weekend we had in Nebraska. What a treat to spend a last-minute weekend with those I love the most.

First Food

2012-01-27T21:40:00.000-06:00

Our little Tory Bean still isn't sleeping through the night and just about everyone has an opinion as to why. It doesn't concern me much as I know she'll eventually get there, but there is a small part of me that crosses my fingers every night and *hopes* tonight's the night she surprises me.

Two nights ago, Andi suggested we start her on rice cereal believing it'll help her sleep longer. I, on the other hand, thought we should wait until six months at the advice of our doctor. I quickly shut Andi down and let him know we WOULD NOT be going against the doctor's opinion, but later felt guilty about being such a bossypants. Tory's his daughter too, and I should at least give his suggestion some thought.

Yesterday, I did some online research and decided we'd compromise by starting Tory on cereal at 5 1/2 months. We'd meet half-way because really, what difference would two weeks really make? Later in the day, Andi sent me a text to say he'd be home for dinner at 5:45pm which is SO EARLY for him. That never happens and I started to think it was a sign ... maybe we should give rice cereal a try.

Tory was game; I suited her up in a bib and set her in the high chair ...

I mixed up a super runny concoction of rice cereal and breast milk. Andi was camera-ready and I loaded up the first bite on a baby spoon.

Tory LOVED it! She caught on so quickly and opened her mouth every time she saw the spoon in line of sight.

I figured Tory would spit most of the cereal out, but she didn't. She eagerly ate every bite we gave her, finishing about half the serving of cereal. What a big girl!

*For the record, Tory was still up at 10pm, 12:30am, 2:30am and 5:00am the night after her first rice cereal feeding. The "it'll help her sleep through the night" advice was a bust in our household ... at least on the first night!

Tory - 21 Weeks Old

2012-01-24T17:33:00.000-06:00

Tory - 21 Weeks Old

Love for 'Burb Life

2012-01-23T23:30:00.000-06:00

You can take the girl out of the small town, but you can't take the small town out of the girl.

I can't believe I'm admitting this but I really, really like living in the 'burbs. Andi and I were so apprehensive when we decided to look for houses outside of the metro this summer. We loved St. Paul so much and all the conveniences our city house had to offer - walking distance to the grocery store, hardware store, movies, shops, bars and restaurants. We loved the hubbub of people, old trees and of course, all the character of our 1916 house. When we packed up this summer, I never thought I'd love another house as much as I did that one. It was really our "first house" (if you don't count the crappy suburb townhouse we lived in for a year) and the place we nested the start of our little family of two (plus one on the way).

I think it was actually that crappy townhouse that burned us on suburb life to begin with (which I should note, the crappy suburb townhouse WE STILL OWN). We disliked our neighborhood and everything from the 80's-style bathroom to cheap doors and carpet. Looking back, I suppose it was the environment that put a sour taste in our mouths, not necessarily suburb life as a whole. Or maybe it was our place in life - being in our 20's and wanting to experience life on the go. These days, I'm much happier staying at home.

I was driving down the street the other day and realized there are car washes in the suburbs. CAR WASHES. On every corner. I love that about our new 'hood. I couldn't find a working car wash to save my life in our old city neighborhood. That's pretty freaking special I think. I could wash my car ALL THE TIME in my new suburb life. I don't, but I COULD.

A few weeks ago, Janie and Jim watched Tory so Andi and I could go out for a hour by ourselves. We were going to get coffee, but decided at the last second to go have a cocktail instead. Andi pulled up to the Sunshine Room just a few blocks away from our house. I'd never seen this place before (and truthfully, probably wouldn't have given it a second glance, it looked like an old-style Perkins). We walked in to a packed restaurant/bar that was so reminiscent of my old-school VFW from my childhood I nearly wept. I LOVED IT. They had serve-yourself popcorn and waitresses with smoker's voices. Suburbs aren't completely full of chain restaurants and no character, you just have to find the good spots.

How much have I adjusted to my new life in the 'burbs? It struck me head-on when Andi and I were visiting his grandma in the heart of the city this weekend. We ran to the Target by her house to pick up dish soap and oatmeal and I realized just how, uh, "cultural" my city Target used to be and also how, uh, "un-cultural" my new suburb Target is now. Nothing wrong with either, except for how twitchy I became in the parking lot. (For the record, I have nothing against different types of people but this "cultural" Target experience is the kind where they have locks on the carts so people can't steal them). "I really like our quiet, suburb life," I said to Andi. "Good luck ever getting me to leave it."

All this to say I love, love, love our suburb life now. Our cozy house and quiet street seriously make me sad to leave the comforts of my home when I pull away from our driveway. I love how our neighbors wave to one another and how one of them brought us a baby gift for Tory. I suppose friendly neighbors live within the city limits too, but it wasn't the type of city neighborhood we lived in. Just today I saw an article in my new suburb newspaper offering residents a $100 grant for composting. Hey, I compost! I'm going to apply! Mostly, I love the way our suburb feels like a small town inside a city.

Weekend High

2012-01-22T22:34:00.000-06:00

There are weekends like this I never, ever want to end. I love being a parent so much sometimes. LOVE MY FAMILY and realize how lucky I am to be living this life with two incredible people. Nothing special about this weekend, other than it being the first time in a long time we had no big plans or places to be. The first in a few where Andi wasn't working (except for tonight, bummer) and we were able to hang out together at home.

On Friday night, Janie came over to babysit Tory while Andi and I had a much-needed date night. We went to Origami for dinner (yes, sushi in the mall because that's what you do when you live in the 'burbs. It's actually pretty decent). After we ate, we shopped for a little while and went to Trader Joe's. It's exciting to be grown ups, isn't it? Home by 9, in bed by 9:30pm ... a perfect date night? Maybe.

Andi, Tory and I spend most of Saturday at home together. Tory slept in until 9:30am (!!!) which meant Andi and I slept in too (don't get too excited, I was up a few times during the night with her). Janie called and offered to bring us breakfast from our favorite French bakery. Andi and I drank cafe lattes and ate freshly baked croissants and quiche while Grandma entertained Tory.

Saturday afternoon, we laid in front of the fire, watched Red Bull Crashed Ice on NBC and practiced Tory's new found skill of sitting by herself. After seeing what a big week she had in mental and physical development, it now makes perfect sense to me why she's been sleeping so crappy lately. So much new happening with her in the span of a few days, I think her little body was in overdrive.

Later, we went to a first birthday party for Hannah, the daughter of Andi's co-worker/friend Do and Kim. Isn't she the cutest thing you've ever seen?

Unfortunately, Tory was over-tired and wasn't much up for partying. I spent half the time in a side room nursing her and rocking her to sleep but so is the life of a mother, right?

And to round out our relaxing weekend, we grabbed breakfast to-go at Longfellow Grill this morning and brought it over to Andi's grandma's house for a visit. Andi's aunt Barb, uncle Ken and cousin Megan were there too, with Megan's little boy Connor. He's two months younger than Tory (but 3 pounds heavier!) and we had lots of fun snapping photos of the two babies together. Glad Tory will have someone to look after her when she's growing up - he's such a brut!

Connor and Tory

What's your problem, big guy?

Tory and Grandma Marion

Andi had a work event tonight so Tory and I snuggled at home, played toys and read books. I am just so in love. On a high really, wanting this feeling to never end. Weekends like this remind me just how fortunate I am to have such a great family.

Balance

2012-01-21T21:04:00.000-06:00

Little time left for blogging as Tory and I fought Battle of the Never-Ending Colds this week, work and all the exhaustion that comes with both. I finally kicked my sickness mid-week, but it took my poor baby girl 10 days of coughing, congestion and a runny nose to finally feel better. It broke my heart when she'd look at me with her puppy-dog eyes as if she were asking me "mama, what's happening to me?" I ended up taking her to the doctor on Wednesday after she went on a two-day bottle strike with the nanny. She was nursing ok for me, but refused to eat at all for Allie and I wondered if she'd developed an ear infection with her cold. A quick check-up revealed she hadn't; it was just a virus so we rode it out with lots of baby snuggles and good ol' time. Thankfully, she seems much better this weekend.

This week was hard on me emotionally. I hated leaving Tory with the nanny when she wasn't feeling well, even though I knew she was in very capable hands. I'm sure every mother can agree there's something so unsettling about walking away from your baby when she isn't feeling well. Plus, after feeling like I was kicking butt at the SAHM portion of my life on Monday, my confidence took a nose-dive following a veeeery long three days at work this week. Some weeks are easy-breezy and I'm glad to be back in the swing of things. Yet other times, I struggle to find my place in my new work dynamic. My job is still my same job but in a shortened period of time and I find myself struggling with this internal tug-of-war:

I am just as qualified. I can complete all MY responsibilities in half the time. The strong-willed part of me wants to prove I can do all the things I used to at the office like nothing has changed, even though I'm there less time.

Except,

Haven't my priorities changed? Yes, they most certainly have. The new-mother part of me begs me to let go of the extra stress and accept less responsibility. I'm perfectly capable of completing all of my old tasks but I don't want to. Less to do means I get home faster to my baby girl and that's truly what I want in the end.

Sigh, I suspect there will always be weeks like this where I'll struggle to find balance. I do know this much: I'm having an amazingly wonderful weekend with my husband and little girl at home. A honest-to-goodness weekend with lots of play time and giggles, snuggling and relaxation. I think I'll put this week's worries behind me and look forward to another few days home with Tory and a fresh, new work week ahead on Tuesday.

Tory Sits!

2012-01-20T18:13:00.004-06:00

Tory and I had the best day. It was cold and snowy outside and we snuggled happily inside all day long. We played toys, read books, did some laundry (one of Tory's favorite things to do actually, she always laughs and kicks her legs when I fold clothes) and we practiced her new trick -- sitting all by herself!

... and a little fun after she goes boom

20 Weeks Old

2012-01-17T21:07:00.000-06:00

Tory - 20 Weeks Old

It Gets Easier

2012-01-16T13:11:00.000-06:00

Not so many weeks ago, I remember hyperventilating as the holidays approached. There was so much to do (decorate! bake! be crafty!) and I could barely find the time to take a shower. The feeling of motherhood was all-emcompassing and as I struggled to keep my head above water, I had to forgo all my favorite parts of Christmastime. "Old Heather" used to carefully select themes for my Christmas wrapping and hand-craft decor on every present. "New mom Heather" gifted presents with no name tags on them because I simply ran out of time.

Will this ever end, I wondered? Will I ever feel like myself again? I craved the idea of having a measly ten minutes to trim my fingernails, read blogs or accomplish anything with two hands.

If I could go back in time and tell myself one thing, it'd be IT GETS EASIER. Many people said it would but it was hard to see forward when I was so focused on putting one foot in front of the other. As I sit here typing on my laptop and watching the snow melt outside my window, I am relaxed and so content in my life. Tory is taking a nap in the other room and I am enjoying a few quiet minutes to myself; something I could never see happening a few weeks ago.

I'm finding more time to cook these days and it feels good to get back into the kitchen. Do I have a few hours to bake cookies or make elaborate meals? No. I'm definitely not there yet. I've learned to cook when a window of time opens in my schedule (even when it might be 9:00am) and I opt for meals with few steps and uncomplicated ingredients. I've had to walk away from a messy kitchen several times and the other day it took me three hours to assemble a lasagna, but the important part is I'M FIGURING IT OUT. Learning how to balance motherhood and the demands of a baby while finding myself again.

I know it won't always be like this. Someday I hope to have another baby and managing life with a newborn baby in the mix and toddling Tory will bring an entirely new set of challenges. Heck, who knows what the next few weeks will bring as Tory changes and develops. I know there will be many more days of uncertainty and hyperventilation ahead, but today it feels good to have life slow down enough to realize how lucky I have it.

RBCI + The Weekend

2012-01-15T09:53:00.004-06:00

Red Bull Crashed Ice finally happened this weekend! I'm so unbelievably proud of my husband and his production team's tireless efforts for their part in such a spectacular event. These events are a big sacrifice for our family as it means my husband is away from home and our baby girl for days (sometimes weeks) on end with stress levels up to high heaven. More often than not, it sucks in the moment but seeing him in his element last night makes it all worth it - he is truly doing what he LOVES and where his talent is appreciated. I am SO PROUD of him.

------

On Friday, my little brother Adam and his girlfriend Josi drove up from Nebraska to attend the event which took place in St. Paul this weekend. (My little brother didn't rush up here when I HAD A BABY this fall, but drove 7 long hours to attend a sporting event for his favorite brand. You know, priorities of a 21-year-old, right? Anyway, life isn't too exciting at my house these days (especially when Andi's not home). If I achieved one thing this weekend, it's the heavy level of birth control Tory gave my brother and his girlfriend (you're welcome, Mom) as both Adam and Josi were less than impressed with Tory's whining, fussing and general presence. Poor baby was sick with her first cold, it wasn't her fault! At one point I think my brother said, "wow babies are a lot of work, huh." Ha.

I always get a kick out of my brother's visits to the Twin Cities and how quickly he forgets we're not in Nebraska anymore. At 5:00pm on Friday, Adam and Josi decided they wanted to go to Mall of America. "I wouldn't leave right now," I said, "it's rush hour." They left anyway and I'm sure sat in bumper-to-bumper traffic the whole way there. I made a pot of chili they could snack on throughout the weekend and an egg bake for Saturday morning. The great part about hosting college kids for the weekend is any amount of home-cooked food was sure to impress. And it did. They were very good house guests, picked up after themselves and even put their dishes in the dishwasher. I always enjoy having him here.

My brother and his girlfriend did more shopping on Saturday afternoon while I stayed home with my sick lil' bug. Luckily Tory seemed to be feeling alright, just a running nose and cough (no fever). I debated whether I should attend RBCI at all with Tory feeling under the weather, but I planned to leave her with Grandma Janie and I knew she'd be in good hands. (If she would have had a fever, I think I would've stayed home though).

I invited my friends Jenna, Kristin and Kylie to the ice-cross event and my brother and Josi tagged along with us too. I was worried about parking and traffic getting there as they expected 75,000 people for the event but my wonderful husband gave me the inside scoop on where to go. (He knows me so well). We all loaded into my new mom car and we were off! It was so exciting walking into downtown St. Paul with crowds and crowds of people lining the streets. The backdrop of the Cathedral and the State Capitol were amazing. Once we arrived at the event, we split from my brother and his girlfriend. They wanted to be belly-up to the track for prime viewing.

This is the one and only photo we took of the four of us before some creep-o guy started talking to us. I blamed it on my pretty friend Kristin, she always attracts the weirdos!

L to R: Jenna, me, Kristin and Kylie

And I'm stealing a few photos from Andi's Facebook page to show the event because my camera took crappy pictures.

RBCI track with the Cathedral in the background.

Photo credit: Claire G.

Six Speed at work! Grant and Andi

Photo credit: Kim O.

Photo credit: Craig Madson Photography

There was an after-party but I decided to come home after the event. Most people likely weren't up with a baby all night so I'm using that as my cop-out for being so lame. Plus, Andi was still working so it's not like I would have been able to hang out with him anyway. He comes home (at some point) today, hooray! Tory Bean and I are so excited to have him home.

Sick Lil' Bug

2012-01-14T14:41:00.002-06:00

Sleep training's on hold until further notice.

My little Tory Bean came down with her first cold yesterday and the poor girl is coughing and sneezing up a storm. I feel horrible for her, especially because she caught her cold from me. I did my best to wash my hands, disinfect our house and not breathe on her this week, but spreading germs is inevitable when I'm her primary caregiver.

Last night, I could hardly justify letting her soothe herself to sleep when she doesn't feel well. Plus, all I want to do is snuggle her and make her comfortable, even if that's all night long. Last night's sleep wasn't too bad all things considered. Typically, Tory usually takes a 20-minute nap around 5:30pm or 6:00pm or she's a complete mess by her 7:30pm bedtime so I upped our bedtime routine by an hour last night and she was asleep at 7:00pm. She was up at 11:30pm, 1:30am, 4:00am and 7:00am. Not awesome, but not as trying as her sleepless nights earlier this week.

For now, my biggest focus is helping Tory feel better. You can see it in her eyes ... she just doesn't feel her best.

Tough Love

2012-01-13T08:50:00.001-06:00

Sleep training is like religion or politics. It's a sensitive topic and most parents have a passionate opinion about it one way or the other. I won't be making any friends when I say I've decided it's time to start sleep training Tory. I'm sure some of you thought I should have done this a long time ago and the rest of you are cursing me under your breath for my bad parenting decision but it's time for us.

Personally, I wouldn't have felt comfortable implementing sleep training until now because I genuinely believe Tory's little tummy was crying out in hunger. There were times not so many weeks ago she guzzled her milk down at a 3AM feeding and for that reason, I have no issue getting up in the middle of the night with her. Late night feedings are part of parenting.

Recently though, I've come to the realization she's playing games with me. When she cries at night, I go into her nursery and as I approach her crib she smiles and kicks her legs back at me as if she's saying "Hooray! Mommy's here!" I change her diaper and she babbles back and me, wiggling in excitement because she knows what's next. I snuggle her in the rocking chair and as I start to nurse her, she's instantly back to sleep. The little stinker isn't hungry at all, she only wants to be cuddled back to sleep.

And if I'm being completely honest, I don't mind cuddling her to sleep once or twice at night. Especially on Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays when I haven't seen her as much as I'd like during the day, it's nice to spend some quiet snuggle time together. Lately though, a once-and-a-while wake-up (usually around Midnight and/or 3AM) has transitioned to every 1-2 hours and I started to realize someone was using Mommy as a clutch.

For the last two weeks, Tory's been putting herself to sleep at nap time so I know she capable of comforting herself. At the first sign of tiredness during the day, I lay her down in her crib and she falls fast to sleep. Sometimes it takes her a few minutes of fussing and sucking on her fingers to get there, but shortly she's off to dreamland. There's no reason she can't do the same in the middle of the night.

So last night, I decided it was time: sleep training time. Andi's working away from home for the next few days and I have the next four days off work; it's the perfect time to nip this in the bud. As tough as it is to listen to Tory fuss, it's even harder on my nerves if I'm also subjecting Andi to the misery. He works so hard and needs his sleep so I know I'll cave to Tory's late-night fussing if he's home with us. It's easier on me if I do it when it's just Tory and I.

Here's how last night went:

7:30PM - 8:00PM
Books, nurse, bedtime. Tory didn't eat very much, despite me trying to rouse her awake to take in a full feeding. She was asleep in her crib by 8:00PM.

11:00PM - 11:30PM
Tory cried from her crib. I let her fuss for a minute but the guilt of baby hunger got to me. Was she crying out because she didn't get a full feeding at 7:30PM? I got up to change and feed her. She hungrily ate and fell back asleep.

2:00AM - 2:05AM
I woke up, checked the time and realized Tory was still sleeping. Nice!

4:00AM - 4:20AM
Tory cried from her crib. I let her fuss for a minute and then decided to go in to change her diaper. As I changed her pants, she tried to eat my shirt-sleeve which made me wonder, was she hungry again? It had been 5 hours since she ate last. I decide to nurse her again. She ate and fell asleep.

6:00AM - 6:45AM
Tory cried from her crib. I decided to let her cry it out. I know she's not hungry now. Forty-five minutes of fussing / silence / pissed-off crying later, she fell back asleep on her own.

8:00AM - 8:10AM
Tory stirs from her crib, but falls back asleep.

9:00AM
Tory's up for the day!

Self-grade rating for CIO Night #1: C Average

My mental notes for tonight:

Make sure Tory takes in a full feeding at bedtime so I don't second-guess myself whether she's hungry in the middle of the night.
Aim for a minimum of 5-6 hours of sleep before offering to nurse.
Try not to change her diaper unless she really needs it.
Work toward a consistent wake-up time / early morning feeding of 6:00AM (as this is when I need to feed her before I leave for work on Tuesdays / Wednesdays / Thursdays).

We'll see how tonight goes ...

Rough Night

2012-01-11T08:03:00.002-06:00

The last few nights have been rough on this ol' mama. Tory's decided she isn't a big fan of sleeping at night recently. I blame it on the dreaded 4 month sleep regression. I was sort of doubtful there was such a thing until she turned 4 months old and promptly began refusing to sleep longer than 1 1/2 - 2 hour periods at night ... now I'm ~~hoping~~ PRAYING this is just a phase she'll soon outgrow.

Last night went something like this:

7:30pm: Full-on meltdown. Cranky baby = stories, nurse and bedtime.

8:30pm: Andi came home from work. I stayed up and talked with him for a hour since our time together has been few and far between these days.

9:30pm: Lights out. (We're tired! Don't hate!)

11:30pm: Tory cries from her crib. I get her up, change and feed her. She falls back asleep.

12:00am: I crawl back in bed, only to have a gigantic coughing attack (I'm still battling this stupid cold). After coughing and coughing from bed, I finally get up to get a cough drop and some ice water to cool my throat. I walk around the kitchen a bit to calm my tickling throat.

12:30am: I crawl back into bed and drift off to sleep (sitting up no less, ugh!)

1:30am: Tory cries from her crib. I let her fuss to herself for a while hoping she'll go back to sleep. I know she's not hungry; she just ate two hours ago!

2:00am: Fussing turns to screaming and I finally get up with Tory. She's wide awake now and mad as all get out I left her in there so long. I change her diaper and nurse her back to sleep.

2:20am: I crawl back into bed. Cough, cough, blow my nose.

2:25am: Andi gets up. He's wide awake from all of Tory's noise. He jumps in the shower.

2:35am: I check Twitter and then fall back to sleep.

3:00am: Andi wakes me up. He's heading into the office because he can't sleep. He's got so much to do for this big work event taking place this weekend in St. Paul. He'll be working from there for the rest of the week. "See you Sunday," he says.

3:20am: I startle awake to a sound in the house. I forgot I set the dishwasher to "timed start" so it'd run in the middle of the night. Normally I wouldn't hear it, but since I'm in such a in-and-out slumber it scares me half to death. I check the time and Facebook via my cell phone. Andi posted this picture of his office. Apparently, some of his employees were burning the midnight oil when he arrived into work.

3:30am: I fall back asleep.

4:00am: Tory's awake. I listen to her fuss for a minute and then remember last time. With a glance at the clock, I realize I have to be up in less than two hours for work. I might as well go in to her nursery and soothe her back to sleep.

4:25am: I crawl back into bed and fall asleep. Dang, this mama is tired!

5:30am: My alarm sounds. Oh man, how I wish today wasn't a work day!

5:45am: I hit snooze twice and now finally force myself out of bed. No shower for me today; I'm running way behind.

6:10am: I wake Tory to nurse her before I leave for work. Normally she wakes up around 6:00am to eat but she finally decided to sleep. Silly girl!

6:30am: Out the door.

7:00am: I'm at work and it's going to be a loooong day. Need caffeine STAT.

Tory - 19 Weeks Old

2012-01-10T16:12:00.000-06:00

Tory - 19 Weeks Old

(and this is how our weekly photo sessions usually end)

Tory, Lately

2012-01-10T08:19:00.000-06:00

As I listen to friends and bloggers blessed with newborn babies in the last few weeks, I realize how much easier life with Tory has become for us. She wasn't a particularly difficult baby to begin with, but those first few weeks had their trying moments as we adapted to the life of parenting.

There's something to be said for the itsy bitsy newborn stage and I loved it for all its euphoria and baby snuggle time, but I have to say I'm having so much fun in this 'golden stage' at 3 and 4 months old. Tory seems more content and easy going and she's learning new skills everyday. It's so fun to watch her develop!Just so I don't forget them, there's a few things Tory is doing these days:

Tory is such a smiley girl, especially with Andi and I and her grandparents. I love seeing her gummy smile all day long, especially in the mornings when I go to get her from her crib. I made up this silly "Good morning, good morning, good morning Tory Bean" song and she smiles ear to ear when I sing it to her in the morning. Tory also laughs more often now and usually at the strangest things. The other night she was watching Andi pour a glass of wine and let out the biggest belly laugh! He stopped to see what she was laughing at and then realized it was him. Once he started pouring again, she giggled and giggled.
Beginning at 4 months old, we VERY GENTLY began to let her cry it out at naps and bedtime. When she physically displays symptoms of tiredness (yawning, fussing, rubbing her eyes) I snuggle her up in a soft blanket and rock her for a few minutes. When she's drowsy but not necessarily sleeping, I lay her down in her crib and she falls right to sleep. Sometimes she may fuss for a second or two but usually she can soothe herself to sleep by sucking on her fingers. I can hardly believe it every time it happens! I'm still working on getting her to sleep through the night though. The last few weeks have been especially tough; I think it might be the dreaded 4 month sleep regression because she's wide awake every 2 hours.
Speaking of sleep, Tory's starting to nap more. She went from a newborn baby who never slept more than 20 minutes at a time to a 4 month old who takes two-one hour naps in the afternoon. It's not always consistent in timing, but the important part is she's getting more rest and is therefore less of a crabby-pants in the evenings.
One of Tory's favorite things to do is read books. She has her favorite stories, especially Barnyard Dance, Moo Baa La La La and I Love You Through and Through. I know she likes them because she reaches out to touch the pictures with her hands and she even tries to turn the pages. It melts my heart every time.
Tory is such a smart little girl too. My sister gave her a musical piano for Christmas and she actually knows how to push the buttons. Of course she's not very good at it yet, but she will reach her hand out and press until one of the keys plays music.
Someone found their toes! I snapped this crappy cell phone pic last night when I looked over and saw her with her feet in her hands.

If we have time to kill, sometimes Tory and I take a bath together. She really enjoys splashing and kicking her legs in the warm water. Last week, she started lunging forward in an effort to drink the water. When I wouldn't let her go under (obviously!) she started waving her hands in the water and then sucking them to take a drink. Last night, she wanted to stand up in the bathtub and was so curious to see what was over the side of the tub. I leaned her close to the side so she could see and the look on her face made me realize what a big girl she is becoming. She's so curious about the world around her.
Tory's thisclose to sitting by herself. She has fantastic head and neck control and always prefers to sit instead of laying down. She's not able to sit on her own just yet, but she can balance by herself for a few seconds at a time and much longer if she has the protection of sitting between my legs on the floor.
We're in trouble the minute this little girl learns to be mobile on her own because SHE IS READY! I'll recently had to retire the bouncy seat and Bumbo chair (unless we use the tray for it) because she wiggles her way right out of them. Last week, I added the high chair to the dining room so she could sit at the table with us at dinnertime or while I'm cooking in the kitchen. As of now, she'll only tolerate it for five minutes or so (probably because it's a little boring for her since she's not eating too). Her new favorite toy is the jumper but don't be fooled, she isn't content enough to play in it by herself. Tory wants you to watch her and clap as she moves around. The minute you walk into the other room to answer the door or grab a glass of water, she'll fuss for you to come back.

I can't decide if I should be happy or sad my baby girl is growing up so quickly. It's so fun to watch her develop into her own little person, but I also realize my tiny newborn is gone forever. Makes me want to have another baby so I can experience it all again ... ha!

Down and Out

2012-01-09T08:59:00.001-06:00

I'm usually all about my four day weekends with Tory, but for some reason I've just been "off" the last few days. It's the first time since I became a mom I just wanted to curl up in bed and veg out on TV. I suspect it's because I caught a nasty cold this week so naturally the last thing I feel like doing is snuggling all over Tory. In fact, I'm trying to do the opposite by NOT kissing her head a million times and letting her suck on my hands which she loves to do right now. My head feels like it's full of seventy-million pounds of goo and I can't take anything for it since I'm nursing (unless one of you knows something I don't know in which case, please share)!

Andi's been putting in some crazy long hours the last few weeks for another big work project. I know I shouldn't be so whoa-is-me about him working all the time. He is, after all, working to provide for our family and it's a GOOD THING his business is thriving so well. But it gets old reminding myself that when he leaves every morning before Tory and I are awake, comes home every night after we're in bed and works weekends too. I suppose I should shut it since he's the one who's ACTUALLY WORKING but sometimes I feel frustrated and this is my place to brain dump, so there. It's just ... we miss him.

Tory wasn't feeling too hot this weekend either. Baby girl got 4 shots at her 4 month check-up on Friday. Poor thing has wanted to snuggle up all weekend and unfortunately, that's the last thing I want to do - infest her with my cold.

Aside from the shots, Tory is the picture of health. She now weighs 13lbs (33 percentile) and 24 inches long. She only grew 1/2 inch according to the doctor's office but the doctor wasn't worried. He said "babies are wiggly and it's hard to get a good reading sometimes." I know she's grown more than that based on the ways her clothes fit (some 3-6 months clothes are already too short; others are fine) so I think they may have measured incorrectly at her 2 month check-up.

The doctor recommended we start Tory on some sort of vitamin supplement that includes fluoride, or start giving her some tap water which includes fluoride. Anyone else heard of this? My mom was excited we got the OK to give Tory water now as she thinks I'm a meanie parent for depriving her of water this long anyway. I know a little water won't hurt her, but I just thought it was odd. I haven't read or seen that anywhere else. Anyway, we'll give her a little and see what she thinks.

Baby's up and I'm off to feed her ....

Bouncing Tory!

2012-01-06T07:00:00.000-06:00

Andi bought Tory a new toy the other day ... and she loves it!

(Also, who doesn't love that little patch of hair she's rockin' in the back? Be still my heart. She is so darn cute!)

I'm Different, Baby

2012-01-05T08:25:00.000-06:00

I've been thinking a lot lately about how pregnancy and motherhood has changed me. I'm different in all the ways you'd suspect I would but there are strange, simple things that are so different about me now than say, a year ago at this time. Here are just a few:

I haven't worn a real bra since August. These days, I'm strictly a non-wire nursing bra wearing kind of girl. There was a time in my life I wouldn't have stepped foot in public without the perky support of a Victoria's Secret bra and now I'm not sure I can ever go back.
Speaking of underthings ... thongs are a thing of the past. As my pregnant body grew along with my hips, I opted for more comfortable cotton underwear (not granny panties per se, just some cute undies which provided more coverage on the backside) and now I don't think I'll ever go back to the world of thong underwear. How on Earth did I wear something so uncomfortable all those years? My girlfriend Ellie (newlywed, no kids) and I were having this conversation a few weeks ago and she was FLOORED when I told her I don't wear thongs anymore. "What the heck do you wear?" she asked. Cotton undies, my friend, because when you're married and a mother comfort trumps sex appeal and panty lines all day long (at least in my mind).
Boobs are all I can talk about. I'm sure the topic will pass when I'm no longer nursing Tory, but lately it seems like all I think about is boobs. The way mine feel (engorged or full or empty or sore or whatever). Am I getting enough milk? Will my boobs be down to my knees after they've been squeezed and massaged and sucked every three hours for a year? I'm pretty sure the girls at work are fed up to HERE with my constant commentary about boobs throughout the day.
I like meat and oranges. I used to be a pretty simple girl. Chips, Diet Coke, iced coffee and cereal. I swear that's all I ever ate. That was before I had a baby growing inside me and before the nourishment I take in helps to supply the milk my child eats too. I wouldn't say I'm the healthiest eater now, but I have noticed my taste profile changing completely since I had a baby. I crave meat now, for example, which is something I used to practically force-feed myself. I'll actually make dinner for myself in the evenings (even when Andi's working) because I know I need to eat something substantial (even though I make him a plate and when he comes home he says, oh sorry honey I ate dinner at work. GAH!!!). I bought a bag of clementines a few weeks ago and they tasted like heaven on Earth. Clementines? I used to hate oranges. These days, I can only drink about a half a can of Diet Coke before it just doesn't sound good anymore and iced coffee makes me jittery as hell. Breakfast has suddenly become my most essential meal of the day. If I don't eat it, I'm toast ... literally.
Taking a shower is the most peaceful part of my day. Pre-baby, I was a shower hater. I mean, I took them because I had to, but I dreaded getting up earlier than required in the mornings, drying my hair; the works. I seriously invented various ways to pin my hair back or wear a headband all in the name of hiding my greasy hair. Stepping out of the shower all cold and wet is one of my least favorite feelings. It must stem from some deeply-rooted regressed childhood memory or something. But now, NOW! showers are glorious. Standing in warm water for 10 uninterrupted minutes (especially on those days when Andi doesn't bring Tory into the bathroom to see 'what mom's up to') is heavenly. Ten minutes to do nothing but close my eyes and stand there and relax. I am in love with showering these days.
Crime dramas creep me out. My DVR used to be packed full of CSI, Criminal Minds and 48 Hours Mystery. Curling up in bed with my laptop and Nancy Grace's latest story on a missing person was one of my favorite past times. And now? I am completely freaked by all of these shows. Watching a show about all the scary monsters of the world sends me into a panic attack and more so, how the heck do I protect my child from all of them?
I cry at the drop of a hat. This commerical sends me into a full-on tear fest. I saw this commercial about veterans while I was watching the Nebraska game on Monday and started sobbing. Holy cow, I've become an emotional wreck when it comes to anything that tugs at the heartstrings. I never used to be like that before.
My self image has changed. Pre-baby, I wouldn't say I was obsessed with being thin but I was very 'aware' of the way my body looked. I didn't go so far as to work out or anything - whoa, whoa, whoa, that's a lot of work - but I definitely monitored the way my clothes fit and the number staring back at me on the scale. A few weeks after I had Tory, I felt impatient as I waited to hit that magic number again and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't nervous about the way my body would look post-baby. But honestly, it doesn't really matter to me anymore. I finally did hit my pre-pregnancy weight about a month ago and eventually my body just regulated back to it (as many of you said it would). I definitely LOOK different than I did before having a baby (more saggy in the mid-section) and I still have my linea nigra stripe down my stomach. My pelvis doesn't contour the way it did before but you know what, whatever. I'm proud of myself for giving birth to another human life. It's a miracle what the female body can do and I look at my jiggly belly and remember there was a little baby in there not that long ago.
I never, NEVER, question another parent's methods. Before Andi and I became parents, we'd always say things like "we're never giving our kid this" or "we'll never do that." But then you're suddenly put into that very situation and you know what? Sometimes you do what you do to survive. I will never again question the way other people raise their kids (as long as they're safe and well-cared for, obviously) because every child is different and you never know what you'll do until you're there.

I wonder what other things will change about me as I grow into the role of parenting? Or I wonder if my perspective on things will shift back to the way I was before being a mom. It's just interesting, this parenting gig. It really does change your entire life, in every aspect.

New Year's 2012

2012-01-03T15:19:00.000-06:00

Andi and I aren't the ragin' club type (surprised?), so we thought New Year's was the perfect chance to get away for the weekend. We invited our friends Nick and Julie, and their boys Joel (4 1/2 years) and Alex (18 months), to tag along.

Before we left town on Friday, Andi and I made stops to two different dealerships in town to pick up our new vehicles. It was sort of a surprise to me -- I knew Andi was "working on some deals" to get us into new cars but he's ALWAYS working on some sort of deal so I didn't realize it meant we'd be getting something new LIKE NOW. I guess it had something to do with the end of the tax year and end of the year car specials and who knows ... I don't ask a lot of questions. Because we need a vehicle with enough towing capacity to pull our boat and the new SUV will be my new "mom car," Andi narrowed down my selection to the 2012 Ford Explorer or Honda Pilot. I test drove each earlier in the week and decided I liked the Honda better. It drove more like a car and felt easier to handle since I'm not used to driving a larger vehicle. Andi chose a sporty little black sedan for himself as he needs something more "fuel efficient" for driving around town he said. Mmm hmm. Anyway, shiny new Pilot! Yay for me.

We loaded up my new mom ride and headed to our Wisconsin cabin late Friday afternoon. Tory Bean decided to be a car seat hater so that made the drive EXTRA FUN! I ended up sitting in the back seat with her to entertain her. I swear, between the dog jumping around and Tory screaming, it felt like I was herding cats back there. The joys of parenthood, I guess. We arrived at the cabin around 7pm just in time to put T-Rex (Andi's nickname for Tory's alter-ego) to sleep for the night. Then Andi and I watched Friends With Benefits (the second movie we watched together in 2011, pathetic I know), had cocktails and relaxed by the fire. Bonus! Tory had a poop-plosion during the night and I had to completely strip her down and wash her from head to toe. A wonderful way to spend 3am, no?

On Saturday morning, Nick and Julie arrived and we seriously bummed around the cabin all day. It was moderately warm for late December (high 30's) so we bundled up all the kids and walked over to our cabin owner's (Joe and Lisa), new cabin just a few doors down for a visit. (Joe and Lisa have two cabins on the lake - we rent one of them).

Nick, Alex, Joel and Julie:

Cabin owner Joe's very into hunting large game and their cabin is FULL of exotic animals. I love this picture of Julie, Tory and I (and the giant bear in the background. Ha!):

Julie brought an ornament project for the kids to work on which was really cute so we crafted for a bit in the afternoon. The adult boys (Andi and Nick) said they had their own "project" to complete which required their rum bottle so they HAD TO FINISH IT by the end of the night in order to use it. So they did. Later, the boys built a bonfire, Alex and Tory took naps; it was a really relaxing NYE afternoon. Julie made tacos and enchiladas for dinner. We played toys and read books. The kids went to bed around 8pm and Nick, Julie, Andi and I sat around, talking and laughing the rest of the night. Well, until about 11pm when we decided why stay up until Midnight when it was already New Year's on the East Coast? No sense in staying up later than we had to, right? Best kind of New Year's I say. Early to bed, no hangover.

During the night, about 5 inches of snow fell and it was absolutely beautiful outside our cabin windows New Year's Day morning. There's something about nature and fresh snow covering the trees that makes winter seem so wonderful. Andi and I bundled up Tory and whisked her outside for a few family photos.

Love this one!

Catching snowflakes ....

(actually she was arching her back and fussing because she didn't want to be in her snow suit anymore, but that makes the photo seem less picturesque so let's pretend that wasn't the case).

That was our New Year's! So fun and relaxing. There was no place I'd have rather been.
Here's hoping 2012 brings as many great memories.

Annual Report

2012-01-02T10:31:00.002-06:00

Oh how a year seems like such a long block of time and yet, flies by in an instant. If I don't write down our favorite memories of 2011, they'll get lost in the past and I'll lose them forever. So here's our 2011 highlights (and here's 2009 and 2010 if you're interested):

January 2 - Andi and I told my immediate family we were expecting a baby in late December 2010 while we celebrated our Nebraska Christmas. Andi and I decided to tell his parents on our return home, January 2, over dinner at their house. We wrapped up a jar of Prego spaghetti sauce and gave it to them with a note saying "Baby is due August 22, 2011." They were shocked and so excited!

February 11 - Andi and I traveled to Southern California to celebrate my 30th birthday. I'd been to California a bunch of times, but never to San Diego. We stayed in Huntington Beach the first night and Andi showed me where he used to live. Then we spend two days in San Diego, sunning ourselves, eating yummy food and relaxing together. It was the perfect birthday.

March 15 - Andi and I traveled to Walker, Minnesota for a winter getaway. Originally we'd planned to take a week-long trip to Nicaragua but opted against traveling out of the country because I was 17 weeks pregnant. (I remember thinking I was SO pregnant then ... oh how I wish I could've seen my future 41-week pregnant self and told her to Go! Go! Go on an exotic vacation while you have the chance!). Anyway, snowy cold Minnesota wasn't a tropical adventure but Andi and I had a nice time hanging out together, just the two of us.

April 12 - Andi and I learned we'd welcome a baby GIRL to our family in August!

May 14 - My first baby shower hosted by my friends Ashley and Val. Having a party to celebrate our baby girl's upcoming birth really made things REAL and so exciting.

May 31 - Cabin time! For the second summer, Andi and I rented a cabin with friends for the summer. Just an hour and a half away, we hopped in the car many, many weekends this summer for fun with friends. On May 1st last year, it snowed during our first weekend there and by Memorial Day Weekend, we were boating on the lake. Gotta love the beginning of summer!

June 17 - Andi and I headed to Nebraska for my cousin Jes' wedding. It was one of my favorite memories of the year; all of our family from across the country were back in town together and it was so awesome to spend a weekend together. I vow to organize another one this summer (not a wedding, just a get together!).

June 26 - Andi's family hosted a couple's baby shower for us. It was fun and something different to have the boys involved in the celebration!

July 4 - We spent Fourth of July 2011 at our Wisconsin cabin with friends. While I couldn't drink (I was 33 weeks pregnant!), I enjoyed one of the last relaxing weekends I'll have in a long time. We played on the water, hosted a White Trash Party, sat by the bonfire and watched our own gigantic fireworks display.

July 15 - I bought my very first house! Andi and I closed on our new "suburb" house on July 15, just 5 weeks before our baby's due date. YIKES!

July 17 - My cousin Jen and aunt Cheri hosted a baby shower for my Nebraska family and friends. It was our last big party before welcoming baby Tory to the world!

July 31 - Andi and I celebrated two years of marriage. Second anniversary is the year of "cotton" and Andi gifted me these sweet Christmas stockings for our new growing family. Best. Gift. Ever.

August 30 - Tory's birthday. One of the best days of my life.

September ... is a blur. Life with a new baby. Andi floating down the Mississippi River on a barge for work the first three weeks of Tory's life. 'Nuff said.

October 1 - Trip to San Diego for Derrick and Ellie's wedding and Tory's first plane ride.

October 31 - Tory's first Halloween. She was a chili pepper!

November 10 - Tory's baptism in Nebraska.

November 17 - Our first family vacation, just the three of us. We spend 5 days in the Florida Keys.

December 6 - I returned to work part-time after spending 14 wonderful weeks at home with Tory. It's been a challenge adjusting to our new normal, but it's getting easier each week. Tory now spends Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays with our in-home nanny.

December 18 & 25 - Tory's first Christmas! (Minnesota and Nebraska)

2011 was an awesome year for us! So many new beginnings for our little family. I'm excited to see what 2012 has in store!

2011

2012-01-01T21:48:00.000-06:00

I had such a fun time reviewing the last few years of this little quiz. It's crazy how much life (and priorities!) change so quickly. Here's 2011 in review .... (and here's 2009 and 2010):

1. What did you do in 2011 that you'd never done before? 
Visited San Diego. Bought a house in my name. Gave up booze and caffeine. Had a baby!

2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year? 
I'm not big on resolutions but I always want to be a better friend and a better Christian.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
ME! Also my cousin Tifanie, friends Marcy, Kim D., Katie, Laura, Marcie and Kim O. And lots of bloggy friends, too. I don't know where I'd be without the advice, comradarie and support these ladies provided me through months of pregnancy and motherhood thus far.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Nope. 

5. What countries did you visit? 
Surprisingly, I didn't travel out of the country this year. I guess being pregnant eight months of the year and having a newborn the remainder really sent our travel bug into hiding. Andi and I were thisclose to booking a trip to Nicaragua in March and that remains our biggest regret of 2011 (totally should have gone when we had the chance)! We considered taking Tory to Mexico this fall for a little getaway before I returned to work, but haven't worked up the nerve to take her out of the country yet.

6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you didn't have in 2011? 
For the better part of the year, I would've said caffeine and alcohol. As sad as this sounds, giving up caffeine (and a cocktail if I was in the mood) was one of the suckiest parts of my year. I really missed Diet Coke and iced coffee. First world problems, I know.

In 2012, I'd also like to visit my friend Melissa in Sioux Falls, SD and my cousin Tara in Philadelphia.

7. What dates from 2011 will be etched upon your memory, and why?
July 15, 2011 - the day I closed on a house in my name for the first time
August 22, 2011 - Tory's due date .... which came and went with no baby to be heard of
August 30, 2011 - Tory's birthday

8. What was your biggest achievement of this year? 
Becoming a mother - an absolute dream come true.

9. What's your biggest failure?
We never joined a bible study this year and it's something I've wanted to do for a few years now. Actually going to the cabin this summer, moving and having a baby this fall really derailed our visits to church, period. I feel like I have a big void inside and I'm committed to changing this in 2012.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Nothing major, except for the occasional man cold (which are obviously a Very Big Deal). I sprained my ankle ten days before Tory was born and it not only sent me into a waaaaah I am SO OVER being pregnant! tailspin, but it still bothers me four months later.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
A new house! Obviously we would've survived with a baby in our tiny duplex, but having a house with more room, an attached garage and without noisy neighbors has made life so much easier with a baby.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Uh, me, I gave birth to another human life!

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
People who hurt children. Since becoming a parent, I often find myself overwhelmed with worry for my child. How do I protect her from danger in the world without completely sheltering her from experience?

14. Where did most of your money go?
We paid off bills and my student loans this year. We rented a cabin and bought a boat. Buying a house was a giant expense, obviously, and we've made home improvements like buying new furnishings, converting the fireplace to gas, landscaping and painting. Also (broken record ... ) we had a baby and dang, that was expensive.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
I enjoyed each and every month of my pregnancy; watching my body change and adapt to a growing baby inside me. It's truly a miracle.

16. What song(s) will always remind you of 2011?
Crazy Girl by Eli Young Band -- reminds me of Andi's unfaltering love during some of those crazy pregnancy moments when my hormones were wacho-a-doo.

Never Grow Up by Taylor Swift -- when I listen to this song, it reminds me how quickly Tory's growing up before our very eyes. GAH! Never grow up, little girl!

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? The happiest I've ever been
b) thinner or fatter? I weigh the same, but my body sure looks different these days
c) richer or poorer?  Richer

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Everything that's easier to do without a baby -- traveled, QT with the hubs, painted my toenails, cooking, crafts, read magazines, slept, etc.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of? 
Worrying. Worrying about every little symptom of pregnancy when I was lucky enough to have such a healthy, thriving baby. Worrying about Andi not loving me or leaving me with a baby to raise on my own (note: wacho pregnancy hormones)

20. How did you spend Christmas? 
Andi, Tory and I flew down to Nebraska to celebrate with my family. Lots of laughs, quality time with family and tons of great food.

21. Did you fall in love with 2011?
With my little Tory Bean. It's crazy how much she's completed me. 

22. What was your favorite TV program?
How I Met Your Mother, forever and always.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Hate? All the political bullshit on the news, I guess. It gets so old.

24. What was the best book you read? 
The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo

25. What was your greatest musical discovery? 
Jason Aldean. Really loving Country music again these days.

26. What did you want and get?
A baby.

27. What did you want and not get? 
To have enough money so my husband didn't have to work so hard all the time. More than anything, I miss him and I always wish we could spend more time together.

28. What was your favorite film of 2011?
Bridesmaids. I seriously think that was the only movie I saw all year. 

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
The Dirty Thirty. Andi and I traveled to San Diego for a long weekend. I loved it! We stayed in Coronado, discovered the best French bistro, sunned ourselves, read books and relaxed. It was perfect.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? 
Caffeine. I seriously missed it all those months.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept of 2011?
Stretchy. Maternity leggings are all the rage, right? 

32. What kept you sane? 
Blogging. I'm not sure how I coped with life before I vented everything to the Internet.

33. What political issue stirred you the most?
None of it. I tune it all out. Drives me nuts.

34. Who did you miss? 
My family and friends in Nebraska.

35. Who was the best new person you met? 
Kim - a work friend of Andi's who's incredibly witty and an awesome sounding board for all my motherly questions. I'm so happy we've become friends.

36. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011.
Notice all the little things about life and commit them to memory. The way Tory nuzzles her head into my neck, how the garage door sounds when Andi's on his way in the door, Chloe's toenails pattering on the wood floor down the hallway. It's my life right now and I try to soak it all in. I'm so in love with it all.

37. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year. 
They didn't have you where I come from.
Never knew the best was yet to come.
Life began when I saw your face.
And I hear your laugh like a serenade.

How long do you want to be loved?
Is forever enough, is forever enough?

Lullaby by Dixie Chicks

Letters To Tory: Four Months

2011-12-30T07:00:00.000-06:00

Tory,

Where have the last four months gone? I remember thinking about the holidays when you were just a few weeks old -- imagining how "big" you'd be by then -- and here we are, at the end of December. You're growing up so quickly.

This was a big month for you, baby girl. At 13 weeks old, you saw snow for the very first time. Being a Minnesota girl, this probably won't be such a big deal to you someday but it was on December 1st -- it was your very first time. Will you be a skier like Daddy or prefer to stay indoors and bake cookies like Mom? Only time will tell. Also at 13 weeks, you began to stand on your legs and started to reach for toys when we dangle them in front of you. You'd rather sit up and play than lay back and relax, which is why I suspect you have such a hard time sitting still in your car seat for long (although, luckily you're tolerating it much better these days). You've discovered Chloe the dog and you love to watch her run across the living room floor. For now, the two of you are merely exchanging glances but I have a feeling you'll be befriending her someday very soon. One of your biggest accomplishments this month was finally, FINALLY finding your fingers. Hallelujah! I'm not super excited about you sucking on your hands (as we'll eventually have to break you of that habit) but at least you're learning how to soothe yourself. You've always got to be different, kiddo. Instead of sucking on your thumb like other babies, you prefer to suck on all four of your fingers AT ONCE. We can't help but laugh sometimes when you get them in there so far you gag yourself. But hey, whatever works.

On December 14th, you rolled over from tummy to back for the first time. Mommy and Daddy were so proud of you! It's a skill we're still working on perfecting as you're usually less than thrilled when it happens. All in good time, little girl, you'll get there eventually.

Along with your milestone developments this month, you've now wearing size 3-6 months clothes. Sleep has been a bit of a challenge as you went from a baby who refuses to nap but slept (mostly) through the night to one who awoke every two hours. Part of the reason for this was teaching you to sleep unswaddled but you seem to be getting used to it now. You're now sleeping for 12 hours at night, going to bed around 8pm, waking up around 1am and 6am to eat, and finally up for the day around 8am. You're becoming a better napper too which makes you a much happier baby, taking a short morning and late afternoon snooze with a two hour nap sandwiched in between. Your favorite activities include hanging out with Mommy in the Baby Bjorn or ring sling carrier, reading books and playing with toys that light up and sing.

This month, you also celebrated your very first Christmas. Of course you were the star of the party and everyone spoiled you like crazy. You took your fourth plane ride to Nebraska and you were an excellent traveler like always. What a lucky girl you are to be surrounded by so many who love you.

What will your fifth month bring, baby girl? I can hardly wait to find out. You've an absolute blessing in our lives and I'm so thankful to God for allowing me to be your mother.

With all my heart, I love you.
Mommy

Christmas 2011 - Part Two

2011-12-28T10:37:00.002-06:00

We returned home from our Nebraska Christmas celebration Monday night. Exhausted, but we had a blast. Click play on the video to see all the fun we had with my family.

Since we're only "home" on Christmas every other year, I really try to soak it all in. Here are some of my favorite memories this year:

Tory slept through the entire Christmas Eve church service! I was so thankful so I didn't have to take her out and was able to sing all my favorite Christmas church songs. One of my favorite parts of the holiday for sure.
The sound of my relatives laughing and talking. As I was nursing Tory in an upstairs bedroom on Christmas Eve, I had goosebumps as I listened to everyone I love downstairs celebrating together. It instantly transported me back to my grandparent's house where we celebrated so many Christmases when I was a little girl.
Santa came! My uncle Norm dressed up as Santa this year and stopped by for a visit on Christmas Eve. The little kids were so surprised! Brookie (4 1/2 years) was at a loss for words at first; Lauren (1 year) was scared to death and Tory (3 1/2 months) could have cared less. After Santa left, Brooke figured out the big secret and kept saying "It was Norm!" We had to keep reminding her Norm got called into work, remember? I laugh every time I watch that part in the video.
Tory took a 4 hour nap on Christmas Day! She was so beat from Christmas Eve (when she stayed up until 11pm - she didn't want to miss a minute), she slept right through our celebration with my dad's side of the family on Christmas Day. Longest nap ever for that little girl.
It was 50 degrees in Nebraska! Of course it was excellent travel weather since we decided to skip the seven-hour drive and fly instead. But, so is life! We enjoyed being able to take a quick flight to and from Lincoln and even saw the Nebraska Cornhuskers at the airport (they were in route to the Capitol One Bowl taking place later this week).
The way Tory Bean laughed and laughed when my mom made silly faces at her. It was her first true belly laugh ... and so dang cute.
Staying up until 3am Christmas Eve night to open gifts. We started opening them up after our Christmas Eve celebration a few years ago since there were no little kids around and none of us wanted to get up early in the morning. Except now Brookie's 4 years old and the poor thing didn't know what end was up - she was opening gifts half-asleep. I was exhausted too from traveling and getting up with Tory Bean a few times a night. So, we decided next year we're going to go back to opening gifts during the daytime.
I found this adorable hand-sewn Christmas Advent Calendar on Etsy and received one from Andi's parents this year. I am so in love with it - it's one of my favorite gifts I received this year. Each date on the calendar has a little pocket and I plan to place a Christmastime activity in each one next year for Tory, Andi and I to complete together. Obviously it'll be even more fun as she grows and the activities change as she does. I was so excited about it, I also bought my sister one for Christmas. I hope she enjoys it too.
I bought the girls (Brooke, Lauren and Tory) matching pajamas for Christmas Eve and they were so cute!
Brookie is very into musical instruments right now (I guess it's because of one of her favorite shows, Fresh Beat Band). Anyway, she received a Cinderella guitar from my parents and it was a big hit with everyone ... almost more fun for the adults than Brooke! She also received a Disney vanity with a built-in keyboard from Santa and on Monday, my entire family was singing and playing kiddie musical instruments in her room. It was one of the those moments where I looked around and wondered what the heck we were all doing. Good thing the video camera wasn't out for that moment!
Andi and I exchanged gifts when we got back to town on Monday night. He gave me a beautiful August birthstone necklace (Tory's) with a silver T heart on it. I wanted to get him snowshoes as I thought this would be something fun to do together at the cabin this winter but I opted for an Apple Trackpad instead. He seemed happier ... and let's face it, we aren't really the exercise type so it was probably a good choice. We gave Tory a Tiffany's charm bracelet (just the chain for now) for Christmas. I'm excited to collect charms for her throughout the years. I think she'll really enjoy wearing it someday too.

Hard to believe Tory will be Lauren's age next year at Christmas. I can't wait to see her running around and opening presents. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Tory - 17 Weeks

2011-12-28T08:35:00.000-06:00

Tory - 17 Weeks

Christmas 2011 - Part One

2011-12-23T08:00:00.000-06:00

It's our turn to visit my family in Nebraska this Christmas, so we celebrated the holiday with Andi's family here in town last weekend. I enjoy each family's get together for different reasons: on my side, I'm very steadfast in tradition (but we've always done it that way!) vs. Andi's family who embraces new ideas and adds traditions along the way. A few years ago when Andi's sister graduated college and moved back to the Twin Cities, we started doing a progressive Christmas dinner where we ate one course (appetizers, entree or desserts) at a different house (his sister's, his parent's or ours) so we could all see each other's homes decorated for the holidays and have a chance to entertain without all the hassle of the big production. Although with a new baby this year and returning to work, I just didn't have it in me to entertain at our house so Andi's mom volunteered to host it all this year (much to the disappointment of Andi's sister - sorry Linds!). We arrived at Janie and Jim's around 10:30am on Sunday to begin our celebration. Janie had snacks for us to munch on and a full bloody mary bar set out. I never turn down an opportunity to eat beef sticks and cheese marinated in booze ...

While Tory took her morning nap, we took advantage and opened our stockings. It's so interesting how every family has their own traditions when it comes to Christmas. Andi's family buys smaller gifts for each other, wraps them up and stuffs them in stockings (where as in my family, my mom does all the buying and the gifts are usually toiletries, socks, etc). We had to laugh, Andi listed bath salts on his Christmas wish list this year. My mom asked me a few weeks ago who would buy him bath salts for Christmas. "Andi's family would," I said. That's the type of things you get in stockings at their house - bath salts, an Ove Glove and ear muffs (like these adorable ones I received this year. Thanks to Tory for modeling).

Afterwards, we moved our party downstairs to open more gifts. It's crazy wonderful how blessed we are this year to have our health, a loving family around us and the addition of Tory Bean to our family. We didn't need any presents, but received the most thoughtful gifts nonetheless.

Lindsay made Janie a photo book capturing their trip to Europe together this spring.

Chloe got a new fuzzy blanket from Janie and Jim and sported her Santa dress from Andi's little cousin Mia. She was in heaven, obviously (except for the part where we made her wear that doggie outfit all day).

Daddy and Tory Bean opening gifts.

Andi's parents gave Tory the amazing gift of travel. They opened a savings accounts in her name with $200 and gave her a travel journal to document her life's adventures (Janie will write in it until she's old enough to do so herself). They wanted her to be able to backpack through Europe someday (or wherever else life's adventure takes her) and they'll add to the account as she grows. Isn't this the greatest gift?

Tory also received a Wood From The Hood growth chart (made from wood from a Twin Cities zip code), some jammies and Smart Wool socks, a handmade quilt, toys, stuffed animals and this singing puppy dog from Andi's grandma which SHE LOVES.

Tory hanging out on her new handmade quilt.

This year, Janie went above and beyond our fondue dinner tradition and served cheese and oil (to cook the meat in), along with ten different homemade dipping sauces for our meats, breads and vegetables. It was delicious! Another Christmas miracle? Tory took a snooze while we ate dinner so I actually ate hot food!

I am so fortunate to be part of this wonderful family. They welcomed me into their family six years ago and we've shared some wonderful memories together. Christmas 2011, Part 1 is in the books. Now we're jet-setting to Nebraska to celebrate with my family this weekend ... can't wait!

Sleep and Rolling Over

2011-12-22T08:00:00.000-06:00

Tory Bean rolled over for the first time last week!

Except, she hasn't done it since. She's not a big fan of laying on her tummy (says the world to me: babies usually love laying on their tummies! Well once again, mine doesn't. I must have a strange baby on my hands). I'm not too concerned about it because I know she'll eventually get there. If there's one thing I've learned about Tory, she's strong-minded like her daddy. She has to come to decisions in her own time.

So with this rolling over business, we decided to plunge into the unchartered waters of un-swaddling. Swaddled up, Tory had figured out how to rock and roll herself from back to tummy and I didn't feel comfortable chancing her rolling over in the night, even though she only did it once. The first few nights were rough. Tory woke herself up every hour and a half and I was a stammering pile of sleep-deprived mommy. But things seem to be getting better now and she's only waking up two to three times a night - which I can handle. I also think she was getting cold since her hands weren't swaddled underneath her blanket. So I started dressing her in a long-sleeve onesie underneath her jammies, turning the heat up another notch at night and leaving her bedroom door open to allow air to circulate. All of those things seem to be helping her sleep more soundly.

In the last few days, I've also realized just how quickly I jump out of bed and run to her crib in the night. When I was on maternity leave, I never minded multiple wake-ups because I could catch up on sleep throughout the day. I also didn't want to wake Andi because he had to work the next day. Plus, Tory was still a few weeks old and I didn't feel comfortable letting her cry it out. However, when I went back to work, I started to watch the overnight clock more closely (read: holy crap, I've been up every two hours and now I have to stay awake, drive to work and actually be productive for 10 hours without drowning myself in gallons of caffeine). As I watched Tory on the video monitor one night, I realized she was just stirring and fussing a bit but still sleeping. I really never watched her before, just hopped up and went to her. I talked about it with Andi and we agreed to let her fuss (not cry) herself back to sleep (when I knew she wasn't hungry) to see how many times she'd actually wake up. "Don't worry about me!" said Andi as stuffed in earplugs into his ears. Gee, thanks honey.

Honestly though, Tory's sleep patterns have become better every day. I feel good about dropping the swaddle. We're well on our way to a happy, sleeping, roly poly baby.

Tory - 16 Weeks Old

2011-12-21T14:48:00.000-06:00

Tory - 16 Weeks Old

Newborn Baby Gift Ideas

2011-12-21T12:59:00.000-06:00

So like everything else this holiday season, I'm cutting it down to the wire when it comes to buying Christmas presents. I'm about 3/4 done with only two days left to shop. Those two days are work days for me, plus I have a newborn and we'll be aboard an airplane for part of the time. Sounds like I'll be finishing my holiday shopping at my parent's hometown Wal-Mart.

I had two problems this year: time and money (or lack of it). Don't those sound like fairly good reasons to be behind the eight ball? To this day, for one reason or another, Andi and I each buy our own family's Christmas presents. We started doing this when we were dating (obviously) but never combined our finances when we got married and therefore, we just kept buying for our own family members. We celebrated Andi's family Christmas last weekend and his presents were all bought and wrapped under the tree. I bought all my gifts online and shipped them to Nebraska since we're flying and somewhere down the line realized I didn't hit "checkout" for half my gifts. Researched them, added them to the online shopping cart and .... nothing. So, you know, scrambling a little bit at the last minute around here.

But, I digress.

What I really wanted to talk about is newborn baby gift ideas. I haven't bought Tory anything for Christmas this year except a 2011 Hallmark "Baby's 1st Christmas" ornament and some holiday pajamas to wear on Christmas Eve. What are some good gift ideas for a newborn baby? I'd rather not buy her clothes or toys as I'm sure she'll rake in a boatload of those from our relatives. Should I get her something memorable? A keepsake? I want to get her SOMETHING from us because it's her very first Christmas ... just not sure what.

Ideas?

Milk

2011-12-20T23:30:00.000-06:00

THANK YOU to everyone for your advice and encouragement about my breastfeeding blues last week. I'm feeling better about it, mostly, although pumping like a mad woman at work is still very overwhelming. You can see why so many people just throw in the towel when they return to work. It's a BIG COMMITMENT to find the time and patience to be glued to that stupid boob machine. But! I am committed to nursing my baby and therefore, I'll make it work. Plus, it's only been three weeks so I should probably cut myself some slack and allow time to adjust.

If you've never been to kellymom.com or milkworks.com and you're breastfeeding, I suggest you make it a point to read the wealth of awesome information that's out there. After doing so, I realized my milk supply wasn't so unusual. I guess in my head I envisioned a fountain of milk, always available at the ready, and now I'm realizing that's not exactly the case (at least for me). Also, frequency of pumping sessions vs. the duration of each one makes a big difference in building/maintaining your supply, which is something I didn't realize. That explains my sore nipples and little output! That was the biggest eye opener for me and after making this small change, I was already able to get more milk yesterday.

A few things are helping me move forward:

1) Many of you recommended fenagreek pills to boost milk supply and I ordered some. I've also been eating oatmeal for breakfast (which is such a simple thing to do - I can't believe it'll be so helpful)!

2) Jen's words are ringing in my ear every time I become overwhelmed about pumping and milk storage. "You don't need 100 bags of milk stored in the freezer, you just need enough to get through the next day." This is so true - thanks Jen! Those few words help me take it one day at a time.

3) While I appreciate the pumping space my co-workers created in our office for me to use, it's a little distracting (if not exposing) to pump within ear-shot of other people. I can hear people talking on the phone and co-workers ask me questions while I'm trying to focus on pumping. Last week, one of our college-age marketing interns even walked in on me mid-session. Luckily, I'm not a very modest person, but I'm sure she was definitely surprised to see her boss in such a position. Late last week, one my co-workers mentioned seeing a sign in the bathroom in another building about lactation. I did a little digging and it turns out there are a few "lactation rooms" scattered around campus. I used the one closest to my office last Thursday and while I can't say it's a glamorous space (it smells like moth balls in there!), it is a lockable room where I can go to quietly pump.

More water, better diet, oatmeal for breakfast, pills and pump, pump, pump.

Bottom line, I'll make it work.

Andi's jonesing to take an overnight trip downtown one of these days and while a night of uninterrupted sleep sounds wonderful, I don't think I'm ready for it. We'd also tentatively planned on taking a long weekend trip somewhere warm for my birthday in Februrary and the thought of doing so about sends me in a tailspin. It's not that I'm afraid to leave Tory (I'd feel totally confident in leaving her with either sets of our parents) but the idea of storing up enough milk to get through one night - let alone a long weekend! - is too much right now. I'll get there eventually. Maybe at the six-month mark when she's starting solids too? We'll see. For now, I'm taking it one day at a time.

Rolling Baby!

2011-12-15T21:51:00.000-06:00

We have a rolling baby!

REPEAT: We have a rolling baby!

Tory Girl is not a fan of being on her tummy. She screams and hollers and smothers her face into the ground, never understanding why in the world Mommy would make her do such a terrible thing. Until Monday that is, when she realized she could lift her head up 45 degrees and see around the room. A change of perspective! Suddenly being on her tummy wasn't so bad after all. We practiced tummy time several times on Monday. I asked the nanny to practice with her on Tuesday and Wednesday and voila! On Wednesday night (not without a little prodding from my hand) she finally figured it out!

I'm so, so proud of my little girl and simply cannot believe she's old enough to be rolling over!

Because she isn't close to rolling over from back to tummy yet, I swaddled her for bed and watched her on the monitor to make sure she wouldn't use her new found skill to flip. While she didn't roll over in bed, she did have a very restless night of sleep (up every 2 hours) so I finally unswaddled her around 3AM. She slept just fine from 3AM - 6AM so I think swaddling will soon be a way of the past in our nighttime routine.

What a big girl!

Tory - 15 Weeks Old

2011-12-14T14:50:00.000-06:00

Tory - 15 Weeks Old

Breastfeeding Blues

2011-12-14T08:26:00.002-06:00

People love to give unsolicited baby advice. Oh yes, they can't help themselves. It's all the time and about every topic. Usually I smile and nod and mentally file their advice under Don't Care because, as Tory's parents, Andi and I will choose how we want to raise our child. Unless, that is, someone is dishing out advice about breastfeeding. It's the one and only topic I'm willing to listen to tips and tricks from anyone because I have this constant fear that I'm doing it wrong.

Nursing my child is the most rewarding thing I've done as a mother thus far, shy of giving birth to her. I cherish the quality time we spend together, just her and I (and miss it terribly when I'm at work and pumping instead). It thrills me beyond words to know she is growing and thriving and living because of the milk she receives from me. But breastfeeding can be so frustrating too.

When I nurse her at home it's easy. She cuddles up in my arms, gazes at me with her beautiful eyes, eats and slowly falls asleep. I've never questioned she's getting enough to eat because she always seems content following her feedings and she's gaining weight. She's never fussy between feedings unless she's tired (displaying no early signs of hunger) although she rarely can go longer than 3 hours without eating (even at night). Which is fine! 2 1/2 - 3 1/2 hours between feedings is the recommendation from our doctor so we're doing just fine. WE'RE DOING JUST FINE.

Except, last week I returned to work and started pumping like a crazy woman, trying to collect enough milk to replace Tory's at-home bottle feedings. I found myself pumping every 3 hours, for 30-40 minutes each time and barely squeaking away with 3oz. per session (both breasts). I've always known one side produces less milk, but the amount is pitiful. I don't have any issues getting my milk to let down, it just stops after a few minutes of pumping. Last week when Andi's mom watched Tory, she said Tory could probably eat more than 3oz. per feeding. She commented how fast Tory ate and while she didn't seem fussy afterwards, she didn't seem full either.

Herein lies the problem: as hard as I try, I seriously cannot get more than 3oz. per session while pumping. How on Earth am I going to keep up with this baby when she demands 4oz, then 5, then 6? The guilty thoughts started to seed in my brain and yesterday I found myself near tears at the thought of depriving my child her only source of nutrition. I've heard others say they had a wealth of milk stashed in the freezer by the time they returned to work (why don't you just rely on that, they say) but me? I have 16 bags total. I simply cannot keep up. I'm torn when Andi offers to feed her on the weekends because I want him to have that bonding time with her too, but it'll use one of my bags of milk which I worked so hard to collect. If I pump in place of feeding her (if he gives her a bottle) it sometimes takes me several sessions to replace those 3oz. And therefore, it's so much easier if I just nurse her.

Yesterday I returned home from work with barely 9oz. in my cooler. When I asked, the nanny agreed Tory was still hungry (but not fussy) after her three feedings. I told her I would try pumping before bed to build up more milk for tomorrow but when I tried, but there was nothing there. There is simply no milk left after Tory nurses from me.

So I called our doctor to ask for advice. The nurse returned my call and reported that the doctor thought it "all sounded normal" and that only getting 3oz. per pumping session was ok. Based on Tory's size and age, they said, she doesn't need to eat more than 3oz. per feeding unless she demands it. Everything sounded fine, they said, I was doing it right. Unfortunately, it doesn't feel that way to me. I still wonder if Tory's getting enough to eat and what I'll do when she needs more milk than I'm able to give her. I know I could start supplementing formula (and I know there's nothing wrong with doing so) except I feel like a complete and total failure. My plan was to nurse Tory for 9 more months, but sadly I don't think I'm going to make it to her first birthday.

Santa

2011-12-12T09:51:00.001-06:00

As college-educated individuals, I like to think Andi and I have a good batch of smarts between the two of us. Except on Sunday, we did one of the dumbest things you can do around the holidays: we went to the mall to see Santa ON A WEEKEND. It basically came down to timing (read: we don't have it). I wanted it to be something we did as a family and since Andi's been working so much lately, yesterday seemed like the only day we could go. We checked Santa's hours online and found he opened shop at Noon. Our thought - our naive first-time parents thought - was we'd get there right at Noon so we'd be first in line. Bahahahahaha ... yeah, right.

After a screaming drive to the mall (Tory, not us, although we'd want to later), we walked up to Santa's area to find this:

HOLY CRAP.

The line wrapped through all the stanchions and back down the hallway. It was just this long because he wasn't open yet, right? Everyone has strollers and that's taking up extra space, right? We got in line and waited. And waited. And waited. A little while later a man asked me how long we'd been waiting in line. "Noon," I said. It was now 12:45pm and I realized we'd only made it through one set of stanchions. WE STILL HAD FIVE MORE ROWS TO GO.

Luckily Tory was happily content watching all the commotion surrounding us, and of course all the lights and sounds around the mall. I guess she's never been to the mall before; she really liked it. My ADHD husband, on the other hand, was going bonkers. I gave him a pass to go walk around for a while while Tory and I waiting in line some more. Eventually, she fell asleep in my arms WHICH NEVER HAPPENS and I laid her in the stroller for a nap. Andi returns with an Iced Coffee drink for me which I slurped down in record speed because there's nothing else to do but stand and wait. An hour passed and Tory woke up. I called Andi on the phone to tag-team him back into the line so I could go feed Tory on a nearby bench. By the way, inhaling a caffeinated beverage on an empty stomach isn't a good idea when you're trapped in a never-ending Santa line. For the record.

At 1:30PM, over an hour of waiting, this was getting silly. Do we bail? I could come back on one of my days off, but Andi would be working and he'd miss Tory's first visit with Santa. Plus, what if the weather is bad this week and I don't feel like dragging Tory out of the house and we were already there and she was all dressed up and .... CRAP, what to do? Since Tory wasn't melting down and we were already half-way to Santa, we decided to wait it out.

We feel your pain, kiddo. We're almost there.

At 2PM, a rumble started to circulate through the line of anxious parents and kids. Santa would be taking a break FOR AN HOUR at 2:30pm. If we didn't make it to the front of the line in 30 minutes, all of this waiting would be for nothing. Parents around us were starting to up roar. The line behind us still stretched on as far as it did when we began this crazy quest for Santa. Andi and I looked at each other in pure exhaustion. I cannot believe we are one of the parents who stood in line for over 2 hours to see Santa.

At 2:20pm, we finally reached him.

Tory's first visit with Santa

And it was priceless.

Chex Mix & Christmas Lights

2011-12-11T14:57:00.001-06:00

This year, I've come to the realization that holiday spirit doesn't happen unless you MAKE IT HAPPEN. Sure, Christmas will come and it'll be filled with family and fun but it doesn't feel like the holidays without tradition surrounding it. I know this because I've been moping around since the day after Thanksgiving proclaiming how un-Christmas it feels around here and then I finally realized I should do something about it. So!

I brainstormed a few holiday activities - some new, some old - to kick us into holiday gear. I did some research (which is such a role reversal in our family) and sent Andi a list of mandatory events to add to his calendar.

1. ~~Host a holiday cookie party~~.
Done. Stuff Your Box Party 2011

2. ~~Festify our house in holiday decor~~.
Done.

3. ~~Make homemade Chex Mix.~~

4. ~~Drive around and look at Christmas lights.~~

5. Take Tory to see Santa at a local mall.

6. Visit downtown Minneapolis' Macy 8th floor holiday display.

7. Dress Tory in her snow suit, plop her in a snow bank and take a gazillion photos of her doing so.

------

When we were little, my mom made homemade Chex Mix by the truckloads during the holidays. We couldn't get enough of it. Just when we thought there was no more, she'd pull out another giant Tupperware filled with salty cereal, nuts and pretzels. To this day, it's one of my favorite parts of the season.

On Saturday morning while Andi was at work, Tory and I made a trip to Target to gather ingredients to make our own homemade Chex Mix. Why on Earth I decided to wait until Saturday to buy the ingredients is beyond me. But we did it. We bundled up, strong-armed our way through massive crowds and made it back in one piece. Would you believe me if I told you Tory even fell asleep in her car seat while shopping? I hardly can myself. She's really turned over a new leaf, that one. One baby nap and an hour in the kitchen later, voila! Three gallons of Chex Mix I'll likely finish by myself. I have no will power when it comes to this stuff.

That night, the three of us (plus Chloe!) loaded into Andi's truck and set out to see all the bright lights our new neighborhood had to offer. Three weeks ago, I would've never dreamed of driving around in a car with Tory on purpose. FOR FUN EVEN! Life is so much better now that we can take her places. Unfortunately, we'd taken my car into the auto shop earlier in the day to have snow tires put on and they called to tell us it needed new brakes as well. Isn't it lovely how everything breaks around the holidays? Five hundred dollars later and some him-hahing on Andi's part (I think he was seriously contemplating not fixing them!), we had to leave my car there overnight. This forced us to take Andi's truck to drive around and see the lights instead, which wouldn't have been such a big deal except his work trailer was still attached to it. Imagine how we looked rolling through neighborhoods pulling this giant trailer. I'm sure we looked like we were casin' houses.

We opted for the express version of the holiday tour not knowing how long Tory would last in the car, so we headed over to a nearby house with lights choreographed to Christmas music. It was nice. The perfect amount of tradition all wrapped up in pajamas, hot chocolate and family time ... and a giant trailer.

Some day Tory will be so excited when these family traditions roll around on the calendar. I'll always remember the very first time we introduced them to her.

Six Years

2011-12-09T10:50:00.000-06:00

Six years ago today on December 9, 2005, I sat in the Chicago Midway airport, beginning to feel the effects from too much drinking the night before. I was with Andi, only a friend at the time, who possessed all the electricity of a new relationship minutes before it catapults into one.

Andi and I both worked for a popular energy drink company, and we were in Chicago for a regional meeting. We didn't see each other much since I lived in Sioux Falls, SD and he in Minneapolis so we took advantage of every opportunity we could to spend time together. An airplane would take us to Miami, FL that morning where we'd meet a Carnival Cruise Line ship for a four-day weekend trip to the Bahamas. But Andi and I were only friends ...

------

Andi and I met in August 2004 on the 16th Street Trolley in downtown Denver. He was wearing a casual white button-down shirt with small blue flowers and jeans; I wore a green-colored jean jacket with a printed fitted tee underneath and jeans. We were both in route to our company's offices on Market Street when he introduced himself. Immediately I was taken by his charismatic personality and warm greeting. Ten minutes of small talk as we walked into the building and I knew there was something special about him.

------

The chilly cab ride to Midway airport had been an interesting one. The evening before had dumped several inches of ice and snow in Chicago making travel treturous. An airplane skidded off the runway hours before, slamming into a fence (maybe a building?) and a little boy was killed. The accident caused Chicago O'Hare to close for several hours throwing flights in and out of the city in a tailspin.

After a long dinner on the top floor of the Hancock Tower and drinks following at a local oonce-oonce club, we stumbled back to the Hard Rock Hotel in the wee hours of the morning. Andi had advised me not to drink too much that night; we had an early flight to catch to Miami. Besides, we'd have to sneak away from the after-party so no one saw us leave together anyway. But for one reason or another, I didn't listen and could barely hold myself together. Damn Red Bull and vodka drinks, I was always a mess after consuming them.

Our first photo together

As Andi hurriedly packed our bags for the airport (and I laid on the bed half asleep), he was notified our flight to Miami had been canceled. He called the airline, begging and pleading to move us to another flight out that morning. If we didn't get out of Chicago soon, we'd miss our connection with the cruise ship later that day. Since O'Hare was closed, Midway was our only chance in getting out of the city.

Shortly afterwards, we hopped into a cab and headed to the airport. We saw a few co-workers stumbling into the hotel as we loaded our bags into the trunk of the cab. Who were we kidding? People knew we were together, but we really weren't ... yet.

As the cab zoomed down the freeway, the car started to do 360's across several lanes of traffic. That was enough to sober this girl up, that's for sure. We arrived at Midway and Andi told me to wait with our bags. He walked up to the ticket counter and I overheard him begging the worker to book us on a flight. He told her it was important we make it to Florida, that he planned to propose to me (fib) and that the snow storm was ruining his plans. Feeling sorry for him, the airline worker booked us on a different flight to Fort Lauderdale. We would have to take a charter bus to Miami to make our Cruise's afternoon departure. To this day I don't know how Andi managed to get us out of the airport that day; his ability to smooth-talk anyone is uncanny.

We walked to the Fort Lauderdale gate and shoved breakfast sandwiches into our mouths. Andi told me how much he liked me and asked me to be his girlfriend. I'm not sure what he saw in me that morning, but that's history now. I became his girlfriend and a few years later, his wife. I'm so lucky he chose me.

Happy six years, honey. Here's to a lifetime of adventure together.

Bahamas 2005

My New Normal

2011-12-08T07:30:00.001-06:00

It's Thursday (and my work Friday) which means I only need to get through today and I have four beautiful days ahead with my Tory Bean. I am crazy pants tired because the baby was up EVERY SINGLE HOUR last night so apologizes in advance for misspelled words and run-on sentences. Holy crap being a working mom is HARD, even when it's part-time.

Tuesday was my first day back to work and I was excited about it. Like a little kid the night before school starts, I packed up my work bag and gathered my breast pump and set it by the door, ready to go for Tuesday morning. I woke up at 5AM before my alarm even sounded and thought to myself, "I can do this! I am so awake and ready to be a working mom today!" I pumped and left milk for Tory in the refrigerator for Andi's mom who graciously offered to watch Tory this week to ease my transition back into the working world. I left in plenty of time so traffic wasn't bad on my drive in. No icy roadways to deal with. All was right with the world.

When I walked into my office Tuesday morning, I found pictures of Tory plastered all over the wall above my desk. My co-workers Suzanne and Jenna had been so thoughtful to tidy up my desk (where someone else had been sitting while I was away) and make it feel like home for me. So, so nice of them!

I walked behind the chalkboard dividing wall in our office (background info: I share a storm shelter office with the other Marketing Manager, Suzanne, our Dietitian, Jenna, and fifty gazillion marketing interns we have working underneath us. Yes it is really a cinder-block room underground and classified as a storm shelter. BE JEALOUS). We have a chalkboard rolling wall which segregates 1/3 of our office which we've made into a storage area to house marketing trinkets, t-shirts, etc. we use throughout the year. Anyway, I walked behind the wall to find a "pumping station" Suzanne had made for me, complete with an electrical cord, chair and table (which is actually a cart) so I can pump in our office during the day. On the chalkboard wall above the "pumping station" were more pictures of Tory. Seriously, I was so moved. So sweet of her to make those arrangements for me. I'm not super stoked to pump three times a day behind a rolling wall with other people in ear shot of me (as I'm sure THEY are not super stoked about me doing it either) but Suzanne and Jenna and all the interns have been so respectful. Much appreciated since there really isn't another place for me to pump.

Anyway, Tuesday was fun! I said hi to co-workers I haven't seen in months. Everyone asked how I was doing and wanted to see pictures of my new baby girl. "Welcome back!" shouted down the hallways wherever I went. I felt loved.

I spent most of my day Tuesday catching up on the latest office drama (holy crap a lot of stuff happened while I was away!) and checking the 852 emails I had waiting for me in my inbox. I updated our website, wrote a few press releases, BAM! I was back in the saddle.

I arrived home from work around 4:30PM and smothered Tory with kisses. I waited for Andi to come home from work too, but he didn't arrive home until 9:30pm and I was far beyond the point of wanting to share my day at that point. Husband had been working some crazy hours lately so the stress level is fairly thick in our house these days. I feel bad for him and I tried reeeeeally hard not to get upset about it. Life is busy. Be supportive. The end.

When Tory woke me up Wednesday morning around 5AM, I sort of stumbled out of bed and realized, oh, I have to go back to work today. Damn. Tuesday was fun and exciting and felt like a one-day field trip somewhere new and exciting. Wednesday was a harsh reality check: I miss my baby and oh man, I'm tired. My boss scheduled a 4:30pm meeting for Wednesday afternoon so I knew I wouldn't get home to see Tory Bean until right before she was going to bed. I snuggled her for a few extra minutes in the morning and made my way into the office. Yesterday was long. I missed my baby and found myself yawning more than appropriate. When I arrived home around 6pm, Tory was Miss Fussypants because she was tired and ready for bedtime. It was hard on me, I wont lie. All I wanted to do was snuggle and play with her and she wanted nothing of the sort.

Here I am, Thursday morning. I'm so tired I think I might pass out and drool on my keyboard any second. But I must wrap this up so I can go pump before a three-hour status meeting at 9AM. I think I might die. Andi is traveling for work this weekend so it's just me and the little one. I'll nap when she naps this weekend and snuggle her like crazy the rest and do it all over again next week. It's our new normal and it's going to take a little getting used to ...

Tory - 14 Weeks Old

2011-12-07T08:27:00.001-06:00

Tory - 14 Weeks Old

The Car Seat Conquered

2011-12-06T07:13:00.000-06:00

We did it!

We conquered the demon that is the dreaded car seat.

I wish I could say I have wise advise for the mother who's child goes through this little episode next, but I sadly do not. I'm not sure how we've come out on the other side of this one, but the important point is that we have. Tory is no longer a car seat hater.

Well actually, if I had to guess I'd say it was a mixture of forcing her to cry it out during our drive from Miami to Key West last month, removing the infant insert and the snugly sleeping bag thingy we put in her car seat for winter. Those three factors have drastically reduced the crying, not that I recommend any of you drive in a car with a screeching baby for two and a half hours. No, that wasn't the most pleasant moment of parenting I've experienced. The winter sleeping bag thing was a hand-me-down from a co-worker and I wasn't sure I liked the looks of it so I had bought a new JJ Cole Bundle Me car seat cover for 50 freaking dollars. But now I'm so terrified of wrecking the good thing we've got going, I think I'll return it. If she likes the used one, we shall use the used one! Who cares if someone else's kids used it.

Of course, the new tolerance could be because Tory's getting older and becoming more mild-mannered these days. Within the last week she's more willing to lay on her activity mat without someone (namely, me) hovering over her. She's even chill enough to wiggle on a blanket while I do laundry and twice (TWICE!) last week she fell asleep on her own. They say babies do that, but that surely never happen to use before. Tory and I went to City Hall last week to drop off some paperwork and she even fell asleep in her car seat on the drive home. I'm still so shocked and thankful about it all it's hard to express it in words.

While this may seem like the silliest thing to talk about at length, it really is a big deal for us around here. This means we can take her places like Target and to the bank without a full-on total meltdown. I just wish she would've discovered this little trick BEFORE my maternity leave was over. I wouldn't have had to be such a hermit at home for the last 13 weeks.

Last Day

2011-12-05T06:42:00.000-06:00

It's finally here: my last day of maternity leave. Who knew having a baby would provide the best vacation I've even been on. Above Europe or Thailand, I've enjoyed every single minute of the last 13 weeks, late night feedings and all.

Luckily I only have three days ahead of me before four solid days with my Tory Bean. Maybe I'll feel differently tomorrow when the moment actually arrives, but I think I'm okay with life returning to normal. Maybe it's because I only have three days away from my baby (I now work Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays) or maybe it's because I feel really comfortable with our new nanny Allie (hope that sentence doesn't come back to bite me in the ass someday) but I don't think returning to work will be so bad. Mostly I'm excited to return to office gossip, to stimulate my brain in ways staying home with Tory hasn't, to eat lunch without bouncing a baby on my hip and to use the restroom whenever I feel like it. I want to drink coffee when it's still hot and check my email as I please. Those small things will do wonders to recharge my inner self.

That's not to say I'm not dreading waking up at the crack of dawn (which will inconveniently be an hour after Tory's 4:00am feeding) to beat suburb traffic heading into the city. I'm definitely not looking forward to hours of boring meetings where I literally want to poke pencils in my eyes or the added stress of balancing a family, a household and a career.

While most of me is ready to return to work, there's a nagging part that is sad to miss Tory's daily milestones. Just this weekend she discovered toys on her activity mat and now reaches out to grab them. Every day she does something new, every single day. I'm going to miss being right there when the lightbulb goes off and her world becomes a little bigger.

I realize how lucky I've been to spend these last 13 weeks with her. She's transformed from a teeny tiny newborn to an alert, smiley baby before my very eyes. I will always remember this time we spent together. Going back to work will develop and recharge me; it's a good thing ... at least that's what my brain keeps repeating over and over and over.

Stuff Your Box Party 2011

2011-12-02T07:51:00.001-06:00

Thursday night, Andi and I hosted friends at our house for our "Stuff Your Box" holiday party. Some of our favorite people stopped by to toast to the holidays and swap Christmas cookies. In past years, I've invited a small group of girls to Andi's work kitchen to bake all of our cookies together. But this year, we decided to invite the boys too and add booze to the mix. It was so much fun!

During the party, I kept thinking to myself how lucky we are to be surrounded with so many great friends. I had a blast chatting with people I only see a few times a year and those I see three times a week. What's also fun is how so many different circles of friends mingle and get to know one another.

I am so thankful for Andi's mom and dad because without their help in babysitting Tory I wouldn't have been able to get dressed, let alone entertain 30 people at my house! Once Tory went to Grandma and Grandpa's house, I whipped up these yummy appetizers (buffalo chicken dip, meatballs, caprese and bacon-wrapped dates stuffed with blue cheese).

Our friends are amazing bakers! What beautiful treats everyone brought to share for our "stuff your box" cookie exchange. There were pretty green rosettes from Jenna, Swedish sugar cookies from Tom and Niki, caramels from Suzanne, Andes mint cookies from Danielle, reindeer sugar cookies from Jessie and so many more. But by far, the most popular cookie were the "bitch tits" from Jill (aka: gingerbread women with boobs). I not sure the mailman will appreciate those cookies in his Christmas tin from us. Or will he ....

I'd envisioned having adorable paper invitations with matching stickers on cookie tins and place cards next to every tray, but I couldn't pull it together this year. It was too much of an undertaking with Tory. I was feeling overwhelmed just making appetizers and decorating the house while wearing her in the baby sling. Despite not having all the fancy party touches, we still gave everyone a Christmas tin to take their cookies home in. Next year, I told Andi, we'll have to have a kids party and invite Santa to visit. He wasn't so stocked on that idea. Maybe he's too skinny to pull off a Santa suit anyway ...

Letters to Tory: Three Months

2011-11-30T09:39:00.000-06:00

Tory Bean,

It's no question you're a child of ours. We're beginning to see glimpses of your personality and at times, you're mirror images of Daddy and I. For one, you're very particular about your likes and dislikes and we're certain you're as strong-minded as we are. You like bath time, but only if we get into the tub with you. You still love your bouncy seat, but only if someone sits next to you and bounces it feverishly. One day you like your pacifier, the next day you don't. You can't sit idle for long; always asking to be entertained. And who can forget your arch nemesis - the car seat - how you loathe the sight of it. Yet when you're doing something you enjoy, your the smiliest kid on the planet. Lately, you love being carried in the Baby Bjorn and ring sling, laying on your changing table and watching us make silly faces at you.

This month you're fascinated by your hands. You stare at them forever and watch your fingers move open and closed. You also like to hold onto our fingers and just the other day, you wrapped your arms around my neck when I carried you down the hallway. That little gesture made my heart sing; you hung on tight and and I hugged you right back, baby girl. I love you so much!

You're a jet-setting baby, Tory Girl. This month, we flew to Nebraska for your baptism at St. Paul's Lutheran Church. You wore the same baptism dress Mommy wore when she was a baby and you looked absolutely beautiful in it. Lots of people met you for the first time including Great-Great-Grandma Lohse and Great-Grandpa George.

We also went on our first family vacation this month to the Florida Keys. As always, you were an excellent traveler. We think you'll be quite the adventurer, just like Daddy. I can't say you napped much while we were there because you didn't want to miss a minute. So many times, your head looked a little droopy, but you fought hard to see and do and go. On this trip, you dipped your toes into the ocean for the very first time and experienced your first rainstorm. You're a tropical baby, that's for sure, you loved the warm air on your piggies as we took daily walks along the water.

Just the other night as I stood beside your crib and rocked you to sleep, I remembered my dreams of one day holding my newborn baby in their nursery. Tears streamed down my face as I realized my dreams have finally come true. You are everything to me, Tory. These have been the best three months of my life.

Love,
Mommy

Tory - 13 Weeks Old

2011-11-29T18:41:00.000-06:00

Tory - 13 Weeks Old

Hands

2011-11-28T14:12:00.000-06:00

I find myself lost in your tiny little hands and I realize you won't be my baby girl for long. Ten ridiculously tiny fingers have given way to chubby round ones reaching and discovering the world all around you. You're growing up far too quickly, Tory Bean, that I know for sure.

Lately as I lay you on your changing table, those adorable hands grab onto my shirtsleeve with a strong hold. You hang onto me tightly and I feel like you're trying to tell me you need me. I reassure you, letting you know I'm right there. Your face lights up with your sweet, gummy smile.

You've started to caress my chest with your precious fingers as I cuddle you in my arms. It makes my spirit leap as you slowly move your fingers along my shirt, my neck, my heart.

Two baby hands are growing. I watch you motion for toys on your activity mat. Soon you'll be shaking a rattle between your fingers or waving bye-bye to everyone you know. Not long after you'll be crawling around the living room, using those hands to guide you.

Those sweet tiny hands, full of wrinkles and creases.

Today I memorize what they look like for I know this moment will pass us by too quickly.

Thanksgiving 2011

2011-11-27T16:09:00.000-06:00

We have much to be thankful this year!

Exactly one year ago today, God created our beautiful Tory Girl. We wished and hoped and prayed for her and in 2011, watched her grow in my belly. I never forget for a minute how blessed we are to have her in our lives.

------

We celebrated Thanksgiving 2011 with Andi's family this year. In past years, all the women would meet at Andi's Grandma's house early in the morning to start cooking for the masses. His family is HUGE and it takes lots of turkey, mashed potatoes and pumpkin bars to go around. This year though, I didn't feel like I could tackle cooking and taking care of Tory Bean all at the same time, so I opted to bring a side dish I made beforehand. Maybe next year I'll have more time to break out my apron and help.

Thanksgiving was a hit with Tory; she refused to sleep a wink during the day because she didn't want to miss any of the action. Poor baby was asleep in the car before we pulled away from Grandma's house (and asleep in her car seat no less ... now there's something to be thankful about)!

Grandma Janie and Tory

Daddy's telling Tory about Aunt Judy's famous pumpkin bars!

Ok, now Daddy's being silly ... Tory can't eat turkey legs!

My favorite part of Thanksgiving is family. It's awesome to get together to laugh and celebrate each other. It's a great reminder of just how lucky we are.

We Made a Picture Wall

2011-11-26T11:51:00.000-06:00

It seems like picture walls are all the rage these days, so Andi and I jumped on the bandwagon and put one up this weekend. I've been eyeing this one ...

Source: marthastewart.com via Heather on Pinterest

... I found on Pinterest a few months ago so we went to Michael's yesterday (with a 40% off frames special and a 20% off coupon in hand) to see what we could find. Unfortunately, the Christmas shoppers and extreme cinnamon-smell overload had our heads spinning. We couldn't decide how many frames we needed or which type of frames we liked best. Then Andi found a picture wall grid pattern which included numbered frames so we opted for that design instead. We seriously had the picture wall hung in our upstairs hallway in less than an hour. It was so easy! There was no spousal snapping at each other (which tends to happen to us when home improvement projects are involved) and we accomplished it with Tory in the mix.

Total project cost = $140 (plus the cost of photo printing)

Here's how we did it:

First, we taped the paper grid to the wall, positioning it where we wanted the frames.

Second, Andi drilled screws into the holes designated on the paper grid. Then he ripped the paper down from the wall. Only the screws, exactly measured in the correct places, were left.

Next, we determined which photos we wanted places on the picture wall. We selected a mixture of our wedding photos, reception photos and Tory photos.

Ta-dah! The finished product.

I think it turned out fabulously and it really warms up the upstairs hallway. Yeah, us!

Tory - 12 Weeks Old

2011-11-24T08:36:00.000-06:00

Tory - 12 Weeks Old

.... and all dressed up in her Thanksgiving dress!

Hyperventilating Over The Holidays

2011-11-23T11:43:00.001-06:00

Is it just me, or is anyone else having a hard time getting into the holiday spirit this year? I'm completely denying the fact that tomorrow's Thanksgiving and Christmas will be here a few short weeks later. Usually by late November, I'm chomping at the bit to dig out all my holiday decorations and start up a baking frenzy. Scouring the internet for awesome appetizer recipes and decorating ideas completely consumes me. I have the perfect gifts in mind for all of our family and friends and more times than not, most of my gifts are already on order.

But this year? I find myself breathing into a paper bag at the very thought of baking or entertaining or shopping or celebrating. I have no idea what I'm buying anyone this year. Add in the fact I haven't worked in three months and I have about $3 in my checking account, I'm squeezing my eyes tight and hoping it all goes away.

My life is different this year because of Tory. She consumes every ounce of my energy and all of the minutes in my day. Twelve weeks into parenting, I've finally figured out how to shower everyday. If I'm firing on all cylinders, I have dinner prepared when Andi gets home from work. But other daily tasks like grocery shopping at the store, I can't even fathom. If it weren't for online ordering and grocery delivery, I think we'd probably starve.

Is it just me, or does anyone else have a really hard time balancing motherhood and the every day? I see and hear and listen to all my mom friends and fellow bloggers baking wonderful holiday treats and hosting fabulous dinner parties. Their houses are already decorated and their planning tons of activities to celebrate the holidays ... and I'm all GAHHHH! How the heck do they do it all?

I love being a mom more than anything in the world. But this thought has been bouncing around in my head a lot lately and I can't seem to find the answer: When will I be able to be "me" again? When will I be able to cook and entertain and clean my house and do all the things I find achievement in completing? Because seriously, this baby of mine is all-consuming and I'm drowning in the sole responsibility of caring for her. There is no time for anything else.

Graciously, my MIL volunteered to come over and watch Tory next week so I can decorate my house for Christmas. I'm so thankful she's close by to help with Tory; I really don't know how I'd get everything done otherwise. But then the mommy guilt creeps in and I feel completely horrible about wasting one of my last maternity leave days with Tory to decorate my house for Christmas. She's only this little once and here I am worrying about Christmas trees and holiday wreaths? How selfish am I? This time with her is the only thing that should matter to me.

Last year for Thanksgiving, I made army-size portions of mashed potatoes and corny macaroni for Andi's family celebration. I crafted a cheese ball in the shape of a turkey for all of the cooks to snack on while we prepared the big meal at his grandma's house. This year I'm bringing mashed potatoes again if I can carve out time to make them. It's my mom's super easy make-ahead recipe and yet the task at hand seems like an uphill climb. Today I must brave the grocery store crowds with a baby in tow all for disposable foil pans. If I'm lucky, Tory won't scream all the way there from her car seat and we can whip in and out of the store before the after-work crowds descend. Back at home, I'll scramble to pull the ingredients together while Tory takes one of her classic 20 minute naps. And tomorrow I'll pull it all together and make it Andi's family celebration on time.

I'm hoping Thanksgiving gives me the kick in the pants I need to get into the holiday spirit. Or maybe this year we'll have a half-decorated tree and store-bought holiday treats. Maybe next year will be easier to find a balance between all the things I love about the holidays - my family and the excitement that surrounds the season.

Florida Keys: Day 6

2011-11-22T17:10:00.001-06:00

Last day of vacation ...

Andi and I woke up early (thanks T!) and packed our bags. Since our flight didn't depart until 6pm, we decided to spend our last day of vacation in Miami. We'd both been there a few times before, but mostly traveling through. Andi scoped out a few spots and we hit the road.

It goes without saying, we were dreading the 1 1/2 hour drive from Duck Key to Miami, but Tory was awesome during our drive! Could we have finally broken her of the car seat curse? The fact that she suddenly decided to take a pacifier really helped buy us some peace and quiet in the car ... even though I had to sit back there and plug it into her mouth every six seconds. Andi's work was quickly exploding back home anyway and he spent most of the drive on the phone. I had planned a riveting conversation with him, but since he was distracted with work I spent my time talking with Tory instead. I guess now he'll never know what an awesome conversationalist I am.

Our first stop in Miami was Vizcaya Museum and Gardens, an Italian renaissance-style villa built in the early 1900's. We rented an audio book to listen and learn while we toured the gardens (a tip we picked up after visiting countless museums in Europe and having no idea what we were actually looking at). Andi listened to the audio book and conveyed the highlights to me as I handled Tory. He began to tell me John Deere (of the tractor fortune) built the place which sounded a little off. A guy who sells farm equipment was really interested in Italian architecture? But then he quickly changed his tune and corrected himself by declaring it was actually John Deering who constructed the grand structure and gardens. I guess Andi deserves a blond moment after mine the day before. I literally thought a car was driving down the highway with no one in it (upon second glance I realized the car was being pulled by a motor home). Whoops! Anyway, the gardens were beautiful ...

After Vizcaya, we decided to grab some lunch to-go and find a park somewhere to have a picnic. We drove to Key Biscayne and basically pulled into the first restaurant that sounded good. Tory wasn't crying in her car seat, but we didn't want to push our luck by drawing out the process. Andi ran into a Old Heidelberg's Deli to grab us some sandwiches. Whenever he runs into places while Tory and I wait in the car, I swear he's trying to torment me. I'm stuck in tight quarters trying to entertain a baby who hates her car seat, while he's taking his sweet time in said establishment (at this particular moment, the deli). Andi came out 15 minutes later (or 70 gazillion, whatever) with two sandwiches, two bags of chips and two Zico waters. "Dude, what the heck took so long?" I asked. Apparently, it was a German deli and the workers didn't speak English. All Andi could make out was schnitzel. The German deli didn't sell chips and only offered German sodas (and knowing his wife Andi knew he'd be dead meat returning to the car with sandwiches and no chips) so he ran to the juice store next door to find some. The juicer was broken so that's how he ended up with some chips and Zico's. "Fine," I said. "You get a pass this time."

We drove to a nearby beach and ate our German sandwiches (which were actually really good, by the way. No idea what we ate, but that's part of the adventure). It started to rain a little, so we hopped back into the car and headed for Miami Beach. This was actually one of the best things we did on the trip. Miami Beach is just as you'd imagine; like stepping into an episode of Miami Vice. Lots of faded pink and turquoise buildings, restaurants and shops galore and people everywhere. Definitely one of those places you have to check out in your lifetime. Next time it'd be nice to have a drink at one of the famous restaurants or stay in one of the fancy hotels ... next time, maybe, without a little one in tow.

Overall, our trip to the Florida Keys was a relaxing one. It was the longest concentrated time the three of us have spent together since Tory was born, and it was awesome to see Andi and Tory get to know each other better. Tory was an excellent traveler to and from Miami, never crying once at the airport or on the plane. I think she's a born explorer, just like her dad, and we're already dreaming of our next big adventure together.

Florida Keys: Day 5

2011-11-21T16:12:00.000-06:00

Sunday, our last day in Duck Key ...

Tory woke us up around 7am and the three of us snuggled in bed for a bit before Andi got up and made breakfast while I fed and changed the baby. The upside of being the primary caregiver for Tory (as mothers generally are) on this trip is I never had to make a meal once and I never cleaned up afterwards either. I did, however, get up several times during the night and barely had time to shower but you know, whatever.

After breakfast, we loaded Tory into the Baby Bjorn and took a warm sunny stroll around the resort property. Seriously, Tory LOVES her Bjorn carrier. I don't know what we would've done on this vacation without it. On our walk, I scouted out Calm Waters Spa where Andi was lovely enough to book me a massage appointment that morning. An hour to myself to rest and relax is much appreciated these days. The 'nautical compass' treatment was basically like paying a lady to massage my head for an hour ... and it was amazing. I get goosebumps just thinking about it again.

Next up, we decided to check out Bahia Honda State Park, about 30 miles south of Duck Key. Andi and I were feeling adventurous and decided to brave Tory's cries in the car seat. She has to like it eventually, right? I dug out a pacifier from her bag (which she normally refuses to take) and sat in the back seat with her on the drive. Surprisingly, she took the binkie and barely cried at all! Andi and I silently high-fived as we drove into the park. Maybe she's finally learning to tolerate her car seat?!

As much hype as Bahia Honda State Park had online, we actually thought it was a bust. The weather was windy and the beach was crowded. We took Tory on a little hike around the Bahia Honda Bridge and then headed back to the resort.

Love Tory rockin' this sun hat!

We spent the rest of the evening relaxing at our condo. Tory was exhausted and fell asleep around 7pm and I think Andi and I followed shortly. The exciting life of a family of three ...

Florida Keys: Day 4

2011-11-20T16:02:00.000-06:00

Saturday during our Florida Keys vacation ... no work for Andi day!

We woke up early (thanks Tory!) and lounged around the villa for a few hours. Between baby snoozes, Andi and I had coffee and a big breakfast of eggs, bacon and hash browns on the patio overlooking the ocean. Originally we'd planned to visit Bahia Honda State Park which is about 30 miles south of Duck Key, but it was pretty windy outside and we didn't want to subject Tory to the weather. Plus, there's the whole Baby Hates The Car Seat thing and we weren't up for the scream-fest if we wouldn't be able to enjoy the day there. So, we headed to the pool instead to relax and enjoy the sunshine. Tory settled in and took a long nap in my arms (so unlike her!) and shortly Andi fell asleep too. I sat there next to my two loves and people-watched. I tried to be present in the moment; to enjoy a day at the pool with my little family of three. There will never be another time like this. Life just gets too busy. Although, I have to admit I was a little jealous of Andi's nap taking.

After the pool, we came back and made artichokes for lunch while Tory took another nap. Then we packed up the car and headed to a closer state park - Curry Hammock - just down the road from our resort. Half way there, I realized I'd forgotten Tory's sunhat and the baby sunblock so we had to turn back and endure double the baby screams. Once we finally got to the park, we realized it wasn't so great for babies. There was a small beach, but mostly mangroves you could kayak through. Not something I think Tory would particularly enjoy. So we loaded up the car once more and drove down the road to Sombrero Beach which was much better. Just as the sun was setting, Tory dipped her toes into the ocean for the very first time.

And we watched the sun set together ...

On the drive back, we stopped at a local seafood shop to pick up stone crab claws for dinner. The Florida Keys are known for them, and Andi lives and dies by crab so it was a must-do. We came home, I put the baby to sleep and came downstairs to find a romantic dinner by moonlight on the patio. "We can eat dinner in front of the tv anytime," Andi said, "let's eat by the ocean tonight." So true.

Dinner by moonlight ... and the glow of the baby monitor

So we ate. We talked. And Andi beat the crap out of those stone crab shells with a wooden hammer on the patio floor. Classy.

As everyone back in Minnesota braved the first snow of the season, we enjoyed a sunny day in Florida. Life is perfect sometimes.

Florida Keys: Day 3

2011-11-19T07:48:00.001-06:00

Friday morning of our Florida Keys vacation, Tory and I spent time snuggling in our villa while Andi worked for a few hours. I contemplated going to the pool or taking Tory for a walk around the property, but The Girl Who Hates Her Car Seat isn't always a barrel of fun to venture out with for no reason. So, we were content enough at the condo watching Regis' last show and squeezing in as many 20 minute naps as we could before our day of adventuring began.

Around 1pm, Andi made some lunch for us before we loaded up the car and headed south to Key West. With a full belly and plenty of sleep, we hoped Tory would be content during the 60 mile drive. WE WERE WRONG. The poor baby cried the entire way. Of course we stopped a few times to take her out of her car seat and console her. And of course she stopped crying the second we did, but the waterworks resumed as soon as we buckled her back into the car. This made a scenic drive along some of the most beautiful coastline in the United States not to wonderful. By the time we pulled onto Duval Street, both Andi and I had pounding headaches and were in desperate need of cocktails. I, of course, forgot the bottle I'd pumped earlier back in the car, so no cocktail for me. I think Andi enjoyed his though, while I breastfed the baby on Duval Street. I may have been the only one to have done that before.

Why? Well, apparently Key West's Duval Street is reminiscent of New Orleans' Bourbon Street, only not as dirty. Andi and I didn't exactly know that when planning our day. Within five minutes of walking around there, we felt like bad parents. There wasn't another kid in sight, but there were lots of ladies in scantily-clad clothing, beer drinking galore and dueling music from every bar along the strip. One lady stopped us and asked how old Tory was. When we answered "11 weeks" she and her group of friends gasped and replied "oh, how tiny!" Taking a vacation with your infant must not be common because that's about the 85th gazillion time someone has said that to us on this trip. From that moment on, Andi and I decided to answer "3 months" to everyone who asks us that question for the remainder of the trip. It just sounds better, I think.

Once we cut over from Duval Street, it was much quieter and frankly, more beautiful. The architecture in Key West is grand and historic. We strolled along the sidewalk and snapped a few photos.

This rooster totally photo-bombed us

Mile 0:
The end of the highway with a screaming baby in tow
(frowns are intentional)

At sunset, it started to pour and trapped us underneath a storefront awning. It didn't matter though; the view was wonderful, the air was warm and the three of us enjoyed Tory's first rainstorm.

We waited for the rain to stop, then walked to our car and headed back to the resort. Tory slept the first half of the ride back (win?) and cried the rest of the way. We ordered take-out from the resort's Tom's Harbor restaurant (Andi finally got his fresh fish and key lime pie!), we put the baby to bed and watched Hell On Wheels on the Ipad.

------

In the moment nothing sounded better than belling up to a bar and having a beer in the pouring rain yesterday afternoon, but it wasn't really an option with a two-month old in tow. Travel is definitely different with a baby, but as Andi and I discussed on our drive home (the quiet part), it's still an adventure. Tory will never be 11 weeks old again; she'll never again experience her very first rainstorm in the warm Gulf air. We were present in that moment, and it's exactly where we want to be.

Florida Keys: Day 2

2011-11-18T19:56:00.000-06:00

Yesterday was our first full day in Duck Key and we had an awesome time. Andi had a few conference calls in the morning, so Tory and I snuggled in our villa. She was up a few times the night before so mama and baby were pretty tired. We're back to getting up several times a night again. Please tell me it's because of our jet-setting travel ways as of late and not some three-month-old phase we're venturing into. Anyway, between Andi's calls, the three of us walked to the nearby marina to look at the sailboats and check out the shops nearby. People knock the Baby Bjorn but for one reason or another, Tory really likes it and it makes toting her around places so much easier. This girl is killing my wrists lately (I think I must have weak wrists anyway because yoga always hurts them too). So, call it baby torture via the Bjorn, but it's one expensive baby contraption she actually tolerates, and we roll with it.

After lunch, we headed to the resort pool to relax and enjoy the warm weather. Being the sucker first-time parents we are, Andi and I bought a $16 reusable baby swim diaper the other day at Babies On Grand so we suited Tory up and headed into the water. She loved it! Splashing her legs and making cooing sounds. It was bath-water warm and she was having a ball. We spent the rest of the afternoon lounging under a shady umbrella, taking naps and people watching. Either the economy has hit Florida tourism big-time, or we're in the tail-end of off season because there are hardly any guests at this resort. This translates to awesome customer service by the staff at Hawks Cay and peacefulness wherever we go here. It's a nice treat!

Taking poolside naps

Swimming with Daddy

Lounging with Mommy

At sunset, we walked along the water and shared ice cream from Emack and Bolio's. This has been the perfect little getaway for our first family vacation.

Florida Keys: Day 1

2011-11-17T09:05:00.001-06:00

We're in Florida!!!

We hopped on a plane yesterday morning and a few hours later landed in Miami. Oh holy day, it is WARM here and so SUNNY. How I miss this weather in Minnesota already.

Andi and I wanted to take a quick trip before I return to work in a few weeks. Primarily because I won't have any vacation left (since I used it all during my maternity leave) and because it happens to be a "slow" time for Andi at work (aka: sandwiched between two major events he's producing) (husband: if you're reading this, I know there is never a "slow time" for you at work) so we set our sites on the Florida Keys. This is our first real vacation with Tory and we tossed around the idea of going to Mexico or somewhere more exotic like Nicaragua, but ultimately decided to play it safe and stay stateside. We've been to Florida a hundred times, but never to the Keys so that's where we settled on.

Tory did an awesome job on the 3 1/2 hour plane ride, sleeping almost the entire flight and never making a peep. As we got off the plane, all the passengers around us commented how good she was. A few people said they didn't even know she was there! I realize traveling with her won't always be so easy, so I'm thankful for every trip that goes as smoothly as this one. Everyone who knows my husband will be shocked to hear we actually checked bags this trip (I KNOW!) so I was able to bring things like real hairspray and plenty of clothing options. Traveling with a baby isn't hard, it's just different and sometimes doing things like checking bags makes for a smoother process. One other thing we learned on the journey: there's a "family" line at the airport which basically equals VIP. We skipped past 100 people in the Minneapolis airport security and breezed right to the beginning of the line. IT WAS AWESOME.

Tory, our perfect little travel buddy, turned into a travel tornado once we loaded into our rented Chrystler Town and Country mini van (definitely not the convertible we're used to renting on vacations ... although I have to admit, it's quite functional). From her car seat, Tory screamed bloody murder during our entire drive from Miami to Duck Key. We stopped about 30 minutes in and I fed her, changed her and soothed her and she still cried the rest of the way. Poor baby just HATES her car seat and there's nothing we can do to help it.

We're staying in Duck Key which is near Marathon, FL and about 60 miles north of Key West. Andi rented a villa for the week on the Hawks Cay resort property and it's got all the luxuries of a kitchen, living room, bedrooms, grill and patio with a pool, bar and marina nearby. Last night we went to the store and loaded up on groceries for the week so we're all set to relax and enjoy a few days in the sun with our little family of three.

Off to spend some time at the pool (under a shady umbrella for Tory, of course) and maybe do a little exploring, too.

Tory - 11 Weeks Old

2011-11-15T19:54:00.000-06:00

Tory - 11 Weeks Old

Squeaky Clean

2011-11-15T11:51:00.001-06:00

Squeaky clean, through Jesus Christ. My sins are washed away.

Thanks Brookie for teaching us Squeaky Clean in honor of Tory's baptism this weekend. (And thanks for getting that song stuck in my head since Saturday. Darn catchy bible tune)!

Andi, Tory and I flew to Nebraska this weekend for Tory's baptism. We decided to baptize Tory at my parent's church in Nebraska since we haven't joined one near our new house yet. We flew out Friday night, opting for a more expensive one-hour flight versus a seven hour car ride because Tory's still hatin' on her car seat. The idea of riding in a car with a screaming baby for 7+ hours was not a challenge Andi and I felt like tackling. So! A quick flight to Nebraska it was. This was Tory's second plane ride (we went to San Diego when she was four weeks old) and it went so smoothly. This time we decided to nix the baby stuff altogether (we left our car seat and stroller) and carried two backpacks with Tory in the Baby Bjorn. (Did you know you can wear your baby through the security screening? This made for a super quick check-in process). I brought my breast pump bag and used it as my diaper bag, and voila! easy-peasy airport traveling. My sister was sweet enough to dig all of Brookie's baby stuff out of storage and let us use her car seat, boppy pillow, playpen and bouncy seat during our stay in Nebraska.

As we walked off the plane, we were greeted by my sister Ashley and her boyfriend Jason waiting with a handmade cardboard "Tory's Baptism" sign. There's no one in this world quite like my sister; only she would think of something like that! Then we walked out of the small airport to my sister's SUV parked right out front in the loading zone. Gotta love small airports; general rules just don't apply. After a 40 minute drive to my parent's house, we finally got settled in around 1:00am. Tory was such a trooper and slept most of the trip (never cried once at the airport or on the airplane!) but her sleep schedule was disrupted enough by our late night travels and she woke up several times throughout the night. Needless to say, neither of us got much sleep. Mama was a little tired this weekend!

Tory's baptism went great on Sunday. She fussed during most of the ceremony (and screamed when Pastor splashed water on her head!) but slept through the rest of the service. This was the first time most of my family met Tory. She was such a good little girl at the reception my parents hosted after the service and never fussed as everyone passed her around all afternoon.

A big thank you to my parents who hosted the baptism reception for Tory. What a great weekend!

Mikey's Story

2011-11-11T16:12:00.001-06:00

The other night I saw a news story on Fox 9 about a 10 year old boy, Mikey, living with disabilities derived from being shaken by his in-home nanny at six months of age. Of course I can't find the story online to link to, but basically it showed Mikey (now in 5th grade) receiving special education in gym class and help with school work as he struggles to do things other 5th graders take for granted. I found myself sobbing while watching the story and I've had a pit in my stomach for days as the story keeps popping back into my brain.

The next night I told Andi about Mikey's story. "Obviously I'll have to talk to our new nanny about this," I said. "I'll tell her to call me anytime she feels frustrated with Tory. Don't shake her! Put her in her crib and walk away if you have to," I'll say. Andi half rolled his eyes at me and said something about it being the character, and common sense, that stops someone from hurting a child by shaking them. "I don't think Allie would do something like that," he said. But I bet Mikey's parents didn't think their nanny was capable of shaking him either. Why would they have trusted their baby in his/her care otherwise?

This story and all the press coverage about the Penn State tragedy make me wonder, how do you protect your kids from bad stuff happening to them? Now that I'm a parent, I have a heavy heart listening to stories of helpless kids being violated. Not that I didn't before I had my own child, but the feeling is now magnified by a million. How do I make sure nothing like this ever happens to Tory? My gut reaction is to put up a force field around her. I'll put her in a protective bubble where she'll never feel hurt or pain. But I can't. I don't want to rob her from life experiences and making friends and being a kid.

This is the hardest part of being a parent. Enjoying the journey as your baby girl experiences life, while shielding her from the world's scariest monsters. I think we all do the best we can, and couple our decisions with prayer we'll be lucky enough to avoid the worst.

Life As Three

2011-11-10T08:00:00.000-06:00

Several months ago, Justin (a work friend of Andi's) gave us one of the best baby presents by volunteering to take photos of our baby girl Tory once she was born. Justin and his wife Jessica own Bees-Knees Photography. Unfortunately, we weren't able to schedule a shoot with Bees-Knees until Tory was four weeks old (since Andi was traveling for work the first few weeks of her life). We missed the chance to get those itsy bitsy baby photos (you know, the ones where their tiny hands are folded underneath their adorable pudgy chins?) but we did get some great "capture the moment" shots of us at home with our new baby girl.

Take a look, I think they turned out fabulous! (these are just a few of my fav's) ...

Christmas Wish List

2011-11-09T15:53:00.001-06:00

Thirty is the year I've officially become OLD.

I've been racking my brain trying to decide what I want for Christmas this year. I've become boring or responsible (or both) and find myself saying things like "let's focus on the kids this year" and "I don't really need anything." Gone are the days I generated a mile-long list including Victoria's Secret gift cards and trashy gossip magazines. These days, I've swapped lacey undergarments for nursing bras and can't find the time to read the stack of magazines accumulating from my past Christmas present subscriptions.

Cooking and home goods seem to be my theme this year ...

Crock Pot Collections book

Cooking For Baby book

Large Tupperware

Pampered Chef Paring Knife

Pampered Chef Apple Wedger

Pampered Chef Simple Additions Soup Bowls

Pampered Chef Baker's Roller

Pampered Chef Mix N' Chop

I told you, I'm thrilling huh?

Tory - 10 Weeks Old

2011-11-09T11:41:00.000-06:00

Tory - 10 Weeks Old

The French Bakery

2011-11-07T11:45:00.000-06:00

Andi spent last week in the desert producing a photo shoot and after five days of solo parenting, I was ready to get out of the house on Saturday. We decided to check out a French bakery near our house in the 'burbs. We search high and low for hidden gems such as this, tucked between chain restaurants and strip malls, and have been dying to check this place out. Ever since our trip to Paris last December, I'm a sucker for French pastries.

Tory screamed in her car seat on the drive over there, of course, but miraculously fell asleep once we got inside the bakery. Andi ordered us a two cappuccinos, quiche, a croissant, lemon meringue and tiramisu to split and we made ourselves at home in comfy chairs along the window. It was heavenly! We sipped our coffee and ate yummy pastries (the quiche was just ok) and had a real adult conversation.

Tory woke up a few minutes later, in a super happy mood, so we continued our nice family brunch. Look at us ... taking the baby out in a public place without making a spectacle!

A while later I noticed a spot on my jeans. Is that poop? I gave it a quick sniff. "Smells like dijon mustard," I said. "No, I think it's tiramisu," said Andi.

A few more minutes pass and I noticed something seeping out of Tory's purple pants. "Ew, she pooped," I calmly said to Andi. I wish I would've had a photo to capture Andi's face as soon as those words left my lips. He lifted her up to find yellow-colored poop oozing out her diaper. "Oh, gross," he said, gagging. He quickly handed the baby to me and I started to change her.

"It's just poop," I said. "Yeah, but it was on me too and I thought it was tiramisu so I ate it!" he said.

I've never seen Andi so freaked out. He politely asked if he could help me change her and then excused himself to the bathroom where I'm sure he washed his mouth out with soap. I couldn't stop laughing.

Guess Who's Back?

2011-11-05T10:51:00.000-05:00

So I, um, got my period.

I was pretty shocked to wake up yesterday to the arrival of good ol' Aunt Flow. I haven't seen her since October 2010 and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little surprised by her arrival. I'm exclusively breastfeeding and just about everyone I know who nurses their baby had to all but stop doing so in order for their cycles to return to normal. I suspect mine is early for one of two reasons:

1. After doing some online reading, (where would I be without BabyCenter?) it could be because Tory has recently started sleeping through the night. Well, not ALL NIGHT, but close. Lately, she's in bed by 9:00pm and sleeping straight through until 4:00am. After a quick feeding, she's back to sleep until 8:00am. We've had a few blessed nights of 9:00pm - 6:00am sleep and a few regressive 9:00pm - 3:00am / 3:30am - 6:00am / 6:30am - 9:00am nights as well. So, losing a feeding or two overnight could have caused my body to resume its menses. Or ...

2. Three weeks ago at my postpartum check-up, I decided to have the Mirena IUD implanted. I was all wishy-washy about what method of birth control I wanted to pursue, but ultimately decided some form of birth control was right for us ... at least for the time being. The idea of being pregnant at this very moment sort of throws me into a panic attack. I thought about taking my temps again but charting everyday (and obsessing over it like I did when we were trying to conceive) sounded liked a lot of work. So! An IUD it was.

Well, until it started to cause problems. Two weeks ago, I made an appointment with my OBGYN to have the IUD adjusted and it still wasn't any better. Let me side-step to remind you my sweet little Tory Girl still HATES her car seat and screams bloody murder every time she's in it. So a 30 minute drive to the doctor's office across town and through brutal I-94 construction isn't exactly something I enjoy doing every week. I could either have the IUD adjusted again which would likely mean I'd have to have a small same-day surgery to have it removed when we are ready to try for a baby again, or I could take it out now and go on the "mini pill," a progesterone-only birth control pill. I chose the mini pill. I am not going back to the doctor for the FOURTH TIME in four weeks.

I'm one of the lucky ones who's never had any issues with the standard birth control pill, so I had a few questions about how the mini pill was to be administered, and how it would affect by ability to nurse. My OBGYN was vague when answering my questions, only stressing I let her know as soon as I stop breastfeeding so I can switch to a combination progesterone / estrogen birth control pill. OK but, I still had questions...

I went to Walgreens to pick up my prescription and asked to speak to the pharmacist. A male pharmacist walks over (oh, great) and I asked him my questions.

ME: "Do I start taking this on a Sunday like the other birth control pill?"

PHARMACIST: "Yep." (Without even looking to see which type of birth control pill I was referring to).

ME: "Is this similar to the standard 28-day pill?"

PHARMACIST: "Um ..." (rips open drugstore package) "Yep, 28 pills here."

ME: "This is the progesterone-only pill. Is there anything special I need to know about this type of pill vs. the standard combination pill?"

PHARMACIST: "Ummm..." (Looks at package) "Nope, take one every day."

Thanks, buddy. Very reassuring. It's one thing to screw with my own body, but since another human being (my child!) solely relies on the things I ingest, I'd kind of like to be sure I do it right. Oh, and also there's the fact that another human being could be conceived if I screw it up!

So, I went home and googled "mini pill" to find the answers myself. AM SO THANKFUL I DID! Good lord. Apparently, this pill is less effective than other birth control methods because it contains progesterone only. It works by thickening the lining of the cervix to stop sperm from traveling to the fallopian tubes (not sure if anyone else cares about the logistics, but I found it interesting). Therefore, the mini pill is only effective for about 4-22 hours. It's vital it be consumed at exactly the same time everyday to ensure its effectiveness. (For example, if I take the pill at 9:00pm and have sex at 10:00pm it may not be in effect yet). Also, should my period resume (which is has) I should continue to take the mini pill every day, even through my period. There are no placebo pills in this version.

Uh ... HELLO! INFORMATION I THINK WOULD HAVE BEEN NICE TO LEARN ABOUT FROM SOMEWHERE OTHER THAN THE INTERNET!

So, all this to say I believe my period started as a result of stopping the IUD and waiting a few days before starting the mini pill (I start it on Sunday). I can't say I'm all that confident in this method, but it's really my only option since the IUD was problematic and I can't take a combination birth control pill until after I'm done nursing. I guess there's always condoms, but I'm not sure my husband will be thrilled about that option. So! I best be setting an alarm every day to take this darn mini pill. And if I tell you we're expecting far sooner than you think I should be, than (surprise!) I wasn't all that good at it.

Getting Pretty

2011-11-04T17:15:00.000-05:00

I saw a makeup tutorial on another blog recently and it both sparked interest and a feeling of inadequecy in me all at once. I'm 30 years old and I do relatively NOTHING to get pretty anymore. What if I'm turning into one of those people who have the same look for twenty years and no one tells me? Am I destined for a national television makeover - the frumpy mommy who needs a new style? Seriously though, would it be all that bad to have Stacy London take you on a $5,000 shopping spree? Embarrassing for a minute, but then shopping with someone else's money ... hello!

I'll admit, I've never really known the CORRECT way to apply makeup. In high school I bought the basic drugstore essentials - foundation, blush, eye shadow and mascara and haphazardly put them on my face. I didn't know what I was doing and I didn't have a big sister to ask, but I did my best and treaded on the side of caution. In college, I roomed with a gal who sold Mary Kay and she convinced me to buy all kinds of eyeshadows, pencils and foundations. I still use Mary Kay, but over the years I've paired down my product selection. Today, I use foundation and mascara. That's it. When did I become so boring?

The other day I asked Andi if he noticed me not wearing as much makeup as I did when we met. He said he hadn't and quickly recommended I not change a thing. I'm sure his opinion is solely based on how many minutes it takes me to get ready to go somewhere. At what point in life did comfort and convenience overtake sexy and swagger? I'm glad his assistant is a 30-year-old guy or I might have some competition!

So, here's my make up bag and my daily makeup routine: Mary Kay Creme-To-Powder Foundation and Covergirl Mascara. I obviously have more products here than I use; most of them are old and should probably be thrown away ... although the thought of doing so is really hard to do for some reason.

I bought some concealer recommended in the online blog tutorial in an effort to cover the bags under my tired mommy eyes. I'm also going to give eyeliner and eyeshadow another go. Maybe lip gloss too? I'm scared of becoming a run-down thirty-something and I wonder if that's the path I'm headed down if I don't jump back on the makeup bandwagon STAT.

I'm curious ... what's your makeup routine and what products do you love?

Holiday Cookie Party ... with a Twist

2011-11-02T09:57:00.003-05:00

Every December, I host a Cookie Party for my Twin Cities friends and family. What started as an idea to knock out all of my holiday baking in one fell swoop, morphed into an awesome way to kick off the holiday season with some of my favorite people. I invite friends and family from various social circles (some who know each other, some who don't - which I think makes it all the more fun) and task each person with preparing one to two holiday cookie recipes they're willing to share with the group. At the end of the day, we all go home with more Christmas cookies than we know what to do with (like for reals, cookies coming out of our ears!) and enjoy a fun evening away from husbands and kiddos. Andi's office makes the perfect place to host the party. His agency shares the space with a company who specializes in food photography and therefore has a huge industrial-size kitchen stocked full of cookie sheets, utensils and counter space to accommodate all of us.

So a few weeks ago when Andi told me he decided to move his agency to a new office space, my first question was "will I be able to host my cookie baking party this year?" I've come to look forward to this date on the calendar (and I know some of the other girls have too!) and I was bummed at the thought of ending this fun holiday tradition.

The more I thought about it, and after I searched Pinterest for ideas, I decided to host a different type of cookie party to kick off the holiday season. Enter: The "Stuff Your Box" Party. This year, I plan to host a holiday cookie exchange with booze and boys. I'm looping Andi it on the festivities (can you guess who came up with the party name?) and plan to invite all of my girlfriends and their significant others over to our house for food, drinks and a traditional holiday cookie swap. All of the actual baking will have to take place before the party this year so guests will be invited to bring two dozen of their favorite holiday cookie(s) and a bottle of wine. We'll drink, socialize and trade cookies. What could be better?

Now the fun part begins ... I've got some cute ideas for party invitations, cookie swap boxes and more so stay tuned!

Tory - 9 Weeks Old

2011-11-01T15:04:00.000-05:00

Tory - 9 Weeks Old

The Search Is Over

2011-11-01T11:29:00.000-05:00

We found a nanny!

Thanks to everyone for your comments and suggestions on Finding Mary Poppins. We found someone we really like and hired her this past Saturday. She's a twenty-something girl who's taking some time away from college to find herself and happens to be living with her parents near our house in the 'burbs. While she figures out what she wants to be when she grows up, she's moonlighting as a nanny and comes highly recommended by past employers and other families with children. Believe me when I say, Andi and I searched to find a negative and came up empty-handed. So, we made the leap! I think she'll be great with Tory.

The only downside in choosing someone who's not committed to being a nanny forever is ... she won't be our nanny forever. Although the more Andi and I discussed it, we aren't sure what we'll want to do in the future either. We may end up sending Tory to the Montessori school we liked in a year or two, so it'll be nice to have options when deciding her future. Or, we may decide the nanny-route is more suited for us and end up hiring someone different if this gal moves on. We'll see what happens ...

More and more, I'm feeling comfortable with our decision. After meeting with Allie* (I'll use a fake-nanny name in case she doesn't want to be mentioned) on Thursday, I phone-screened several more applicants who failed to impress me. We had 28 people apply in all and of those, I think Allie is the best fit for us.

I do plan to sign Tory up for ECFE classes and / or other activities to make sure she's exposed to other kiddos. Any suggestions on specific classes or groups I should look into? I also have more and more friends who are choosing the SAHM route, so we'll have plenty of options for play-dates too.

I'm thankful Tory will be safe in the comforts of our home for her first year, away from most germs and Minnesota's scary winter driving. It'll be nice for Chloe to have some company at home, too. So happy to have crossed this BIG task off my baby to-do list!

Tory's 1st Halloween

2011-10-31T08:13:00.000-05:00

Neither Andi or I are big Halloween fans, but we couldn't resist dressing up our little 'pumpkin' this year! It didn't much matter to me what she dress up as and since it was a PRETTY BIG DEAL to my friend Ellie, she selected this adorable chili pepper costume for Tory.

Little Miss Chili Pepper has some room to grow in her costume, but it's still cute nonetheless.

My mom also gave her this "My First Halloween" outfit she's sporting today.We took a few pictures outside with her very first pumpkin she picked out at the patch. She makes that regular 'ole pumpkin look enormous in size!

Happy Halloween!

Chloe Pup: Life with a Baby

2011-10-30T08:00:00.000-05:00

My first baby hasn't gotten much play these days. All of a sudden, Tory Bean has stolen all the attention in our house. One day Chloe was the center of our world and the next day she wasn't. Poor thing.

Our friends and family often ask how Chloe's adjusting to life with a newborn and I have to say, she's been a good sport about it all. After having exclusive attention for 6 years, I wasn't sure how she'd adjust to sharing the spotlight. Chloe isn't Tory's biggest fan but she doesn't bother her either -- which is a big plus in bringing a new baby into the home with a pet. She's given Tory a sniff or two over the last two months, but otherwise stays her distance. Which is fine with me - I don't have to worry about Chloe messing with Tory if I leave the room for a minute.

Surprisingly, Chloe's become much more social to OTHER PEOPLE now that Tory's here. I think she realizes attention from Mom and Dad is limited so she better soak up any love she can get elsewhere. She seems less afraid of other dogs and thankful anytime we include her in an activity such as taking out the trash or taking a "once around" the neighborhood.

As much as Chloe may not love Tory, she supports her. Chloe follows me to the living room every single night for feedings and keeps me company in the wee hours of the night. If I'm pacing the room with the baby, she often follows along at my feet. When I take Tory to her nursery to be changed, Chloe follows us in there and lays patiently on the floor beside the crib.

Life with a baby is definitely different for a dog. I think she's coming around to Tory in her own way. Little does she realize, about the time she warms up to having a baby, Tory will be chasing her around the house!

Finding Mary Poppins

2011-10-27T18:28:00.000-05:00

Child care. Now there's a topic no new mother wants to talk about, namely: me.

Andi and I've been going back and forth since July about who should watch Tory when I go back to work. My first choice would be NO ONE BUT ME, which is neither productive or helpful. I'm lucky as it is to be going back to work part-time and honestly, I am looking forward to having a good balance between work and family life. So, finding the right caregiver is a necessity; I've just preferred to pull the covers over my head and pretend I didn't have to do it until now.

Back in July, we toured a Montessori school we really liked. It's a tad on the pricey side of things, especially for an infant who basically eats, sleeps and wiggles, but eventually would prove value-added when she's a toddler and beyond. The Montessori school offers part-time care, but the center director wasn't super stoked about families who choose that option. She mumbled something about consistency for the teachers and child as being the reason, but I suspect she also likes the bigger paycheck associated with full-time families. Speaking of the center director, she was the only 'negative' I saw about the entire experience there. I didn't find her particularly friendly, but Andi said he didn't catch that vibe so maybe it was just me? She runs the center, but wouldn't be Tory's direct teacher so I'm not too concerned about her personality. We toured another center near our house and it was a real dump, so if we went the center-route, the Montessori school would be our choice.

Andi suggested we hire a nanny instead. Since I'll only be working 3 days a week, this option would be cheaper (although not by much) and more flexible. We wouldn't have to pay for child care when we take vacations, and may even find someone to travel with us. Andi posted the job on a local nanny website and we were immediately flooded with applicants. I started coresponding with a few candidates this week and there's a wide range of people who've applied. Seriously, I'm surprised at the way some people describe themselves! Spell check is your friend, people. If you can't spell, you won't be able to teach my child to either. Andi and I have gone back and forth with pros and cons to hiring someone younger (who'll be more flexible in scheduling, but less experienced) or someone older (many who are former teachers, but demand more money). In the end, I think it all depends on the person. We'll know when we meet her, I'm sure.

Since a nanny seems to be the way we're leaning, I'm relieved I won't have to drag Tory outside in the cold this winter and she'll be exposed to fewer germs. I worry, however, she won't get enough social interaction by being home with a nanny all day. I want to find someone who interacts with her, talks to her and teaches her new things. How do I monitor that? I don't know. I'm relieved I'll be home with her 2 days a week and at least I know she's getting that attention when I'm there.

It's so hard letting go and trusting someone else with her care. I know every parent goes through this ... I only wish it were easier!

Nana and Papa Visit

2011-10-26T11:54:00.000-05:00

As much as I love living in the Twin Cities, I hate how many miles there are between my parents and I. No matter how many visits we plan, it never seems like enough time together. Fortunately, life is busy with holidays, birthdays and family get-togethers, we usually see each other every month or two.

On Friday afternoon, my parents and niece Brooke drove up from Nebraska for the weekend. They arrived around 8pm, just in time to get a few snuggles in with Tory before bedtime. I was so excited for them to see how much she's grown since their last visit in August.

When we originally planned this weekend visit, my parents were going to watch Tory for us while we went to the Nebraska vs. Gopher football game. But, as luck would have it, we didn't get tickets. It turned out better that way anyway; I loved having the time to spend with my family.

It's adorable to see Brookie and Tory together. Brooke felt so proud to hold her, asking us a million times if she was holding her correctly. Awesome for my mom to see her grand-childen together for the very first time.

Andi took Brookie outside to run off some energy and snapped some great shots of this spunky girl!

It's taken me all these years to realize my parents do not want a whirlwind tour of Minnesota when they come to visit. There's far too little time on their weekend trips to squeeze in activities all over the city. This weekend, we never even left the house - except for a quick trip to Target (because there's always time for that!). We also stopped at the new FroYo shop by our house for a little Saturday evening treat. Brookie loved customizing her own bowl.

My heart always hurts BIG TIME after a visit from my family. It gets easier with time, and soon it'll be time to see them again.

Tory - 8 Weeks

2011-10-25T18:01:00.000-05:00

Tory - 8 weeks (2 months)

Letters To Tory: Two Months

2011-10-25T15:42:00.002-05:00

Tory,

You're eight weeks old, baby girl! I can hardly believe how much you've changed and grown in the few short weeks we've known you. You're becoming more aware of your surroundings every day and now able to distinguish Mommy's and Daddy's voices from across the room. You look all around when you hear us talk to you and thoroughly enjoy the evening dance parties we have together as we listen to country music and pace the living room floor. At 6 weeks, you found your hands and love to suck on them, especially when you're tired. You've discovered your tongue and can be seen sticking it in and out as you learn how to make it work. You've started to enjoy the bright lights and sounds on your activity mat and most recently, you've begun to flash us that beautiful gummy smile of yours.

Tory Girl, you continue to be an excellent baby, eating every three hours on the dot and sleeping in three hour stretches at night. You've had a few restful slumbers from 9:00pm - 3:00am and while you're not consistently sleeping through the night, Mommy is thankful any time you come close! We moved you from the bassinet beside our bed to your crib this month, and surprisingly you didn't balk at the transition. Daddy often says we should record the grunts and hums you make in your sleep because they are so darn cute (but also very disturbing when you were in the same room with us).

As easy going as you are, there are a few things you are very particular about. Your car seat, for one, is not your favorite thing. We've tried listening to the car radio, turning the music off, sitting in the back seat with you, talking to you and ignoring you, but nothing seems to work. You're not happy being strapped into your car seat and you're sure to let everyone know it. Also, your bouncy seat is one of your favorite places to hang out, but you only like it if someone's bouncing it by hand. The vibrating motion is not enough and somehow you can sense the moment we stop bouncing it for you - even if you're in a deep sleep.

This was a big month for you as you traveled to two new states! At 4 weeks old, Mommy and Daddy took you on your very first trip to San Diego. You were an excellent traveler on the plane ride there and back, sleeping the entire way. Although you spent much of the trip inside a hotel room with Grandma Janie while Mommy and Daddy attended a wedding, we did take you to the ocean for the first time and hiking at Blacks Beach.

At 6 weeks old, we took you to our Wisconsin lake cabin for the weekend. We visited an orchard farm and picked out your first fall pumpkin. It was also your first time seeing the lake - our very favorite place to be in the summertime!

Just last week, Nana, Papa and Brooke came to visit you. We've taken to nicknaming you Tory Bean for one reason or another, and Brookie thought it was the silliest thing. "Hi Tory Beans!" she'd say to you, over and over again. You girls are going to have so much fun growing up together.

Tory, I can barely remember what life was like before you made me your mama. The feeling of completeness you've given me warms my heart and I look forward to spending every day with you as I discover your bright, shining personality.

Love,
Mommy

Never Grow Up

2011-10-24T09:19:00.002-05:00

Tory -

Daddy's back at it ... he made another video of you!

You can tell you're our only child; we have a gazillion photos of you and had the hardest time narrowing it down to just a few. We're amazed at how much you've changed over the last seven weeks. You're so loved, little girl, so loved.

Daddy

2011-10-21T13:19:00.001-05:00

Have you seen this commercial?

Andi flipped open his computer the other day, played this commercial for me and nearly burst into tears. Having Tory has had the greatest affect on him; he's a different person - a better person - since he became a dad seven short weeks ago.

This time last year, Andi was a little apprehensive about starting a family. I really wanted to try for a baby and he wasn't so sure he was ready. It's not that he didn't want to have kids someday; he just wasn't sure he was ready for that moment to be now. We were living in our own little bubble as my mom liked to say, traveling and entertaining ourselves in whatever way we pleased. With a few tears (on my part) and many conversations later, he decided he was ready. Ten-ish months later, here we are today: parents to our Tory Girl.

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Throughout my pregnancy, I imagined Andi to be really hands-on. I thought he'd gently touch my belly, talk to it and want to feel close to the baby just as I did. But he rarely did, and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little offended by it. Why wasn't he as excited about the baby growing inside me as I was? Hindsight tells me he was; he just had a different way of showing it. First-time dads (not all I assume, but some) aren't as sure what to expect when it comes to pregnancy and fatherhood. And because Andi wasn't experiencing the symptoms and pregnancy feelings I was, I think it was hard for him to relate.

This took place up to the minute our baby girl was born. The man who didn't want anything to do with the physical aspects of labor or cutting the baby's umbilical cord was suddenly right there in the thick of it, without a second hesitation. And he's never been the same since.

What I love so much about watching Andi become a dad is the way he interacts with Tory. It's different than the way I talk to her, hold her, or flatter her with attention. I guess that's why having both a motherly and fatherly influence in her life is so important. I try my best to hold back when he doesn't do things exactly as I would (sorry honey if it doesn't always seem that way!). When I can get out of my own way long enough to listen to them together, it melts my heart. He truly is the best father my daughter could ask for.

Mostly, I wanted to jot down this special transformation here in our life's journal. I'm anxious to watch their relationship unfold as Tory grows older and develops more of her personality. I can't wait for the day Andi teaches her how to ski for the first time or how to ride her bicycle. I'm sure he'll be the "fun-er parent" but uber protective too. I hope she has his supreme negotiation skills and street smarts (although I'm sure that'll come back to bite me later!). It's exciting to see parts of him shine brightly inside her.

We're both so lucky to have him.

Tory - 7 Weeks Old

2011-10-18T10:35:00.000-05:00

Tory - 7 Weeks Old

Tory's 1st Trip to the Cabin

2011-10-17T12:16:00.001-05:00

Andi and I took Tory to our Wisconsin lake cabin for the first time this weekend. We were a little nervous for the drive there and back (even though it's a short 1.5 hour trip) because she HATES her car seat and screams to high heavens every time she's in it for longer than a few minutes. Aside from a freak out crying burst at mid-point each way, the trip went very smoothly and we were able to enjoy some quality family time, just the three of us.

Friday night, Andi grilled steaks and steamed artichokes and we snuggled up in front of the fire to catch up on our favorite fall television shows. These days, our evenings usually consist of dance parties in the living room (aka: pacing the floors with a baby who wants to walk around the house ALL. THE. TIME.) which doesn't leave much room for must-see tv. For some reason that night, Tory was content to sleep through the evening, so long as one of us held her. Her earlier-than-usual 7pm bedtime was nice at first until mama was up all night long with a bad case of engorgement and no breast pump. Not fun and very little sleep for me. It was the first time I was actually thankful when Tory woke up at 3am to eat!

After breakfast on Saturday morning, we piled into the car to adventure rural Wisconsin. Andi stopped by an auto dealer to check on our wakeboard boat for sale, then we visited Nature's Select Apple Orchard and Pumpkin Patch. We snapped a few photos and picked out her very first pumpkin!

Tory - 6 Weeks

We spent the rest of the afternoon taking Chloe for a walk around the cabin and visiting with the cabin neighbors. A perfect fall weekend!

Working Mama

2011-10-16T15:02:00.000-05:00

When I was a little kid, I told my parents I was leaving their small town the first chance I got and never looking back. I had big dreams to flee to New York and become a television broadcaster. I imagined having it all; a uber successful career, a handsome husband and a few kiddos too. Because I always knew I wanted to be a mom; I just never imagined trading in one dream for another.

It's funny how we grow up and our dreams evolve into something completely new. What I once thought was the picture perfect life isn't even close to the life I lead today. It's a million times better than I could've imagined it to be. To say I'm blessed is an understatement.

------

As I got older (and realized only Diane Sawyer-types make big time bucks as a tv journalist), I knew being a mother would be the single most important thing I'd do in my life. And the minute I became pregnant I also knew I didn't want to miss a minute of it. From poopy diapers and first steps to PTA meetings; the desire to become a stay-at-home mom came over me. That dream, though, didn't come without a few hesitations. I often worried I wouldn't be as interesting to my husband if I'm not the career woman he married. I stressed about losing my edge in the marketing world if I ever decided to get back into it or worse, losing who I am as Heather The Person to someone named Heather The Mom.

Over the last few months, Andi and I have muled over this topic a gazillion times. Could we continue to live our life on only one income? And do we really want to? How would we manage health care? What would happen if something goes South with Andi's business and we find ourselves without any income at all?

As we toured daycare centers and other childcare possibilities, we determined a work / life balance was key for me in going forward. With the insane amount of pressure, travel and general work load of Andi's business, it's imperative one parent be available to keep our home life afloat. So, on Friday I made an appointment with my boss to discuss my options. I explained my reasoning and asked if she'd be willing to restructure my position to part-time to better accommodate my new family's needs. And to my relief, she was so supportive! She agreed to alter my position to 3 days a week so I can still maintain my career while assuming the role of a stay-at-home (sometimes) mom. I'm still in shock; I can hardly believe how fortunate I am to enjoy the best of both worlds.

Suddenly, I'm excited to return to work and dive back into tasks that stimulate my brain. And even more, I'm thankful for the opportunity to watch Tory grow up before my very eyes. I can't think of a better arrangement for our family and I'm grateful for my husband who's willing to work a little harder so I can live out this dream of mine.

Pinch me. Life just can't get any better.

Birth Control: To Be or Not To Be

2011-10-13T16:37:00.000-05:00

A few days after I had Tory, I received a call from my OBGYN clinic inviting me to schedule a 6-week postpartum check-up. I happily did so over the phone (because I absolutely HATE doing things like calling to make appointments - I know, weird but for some reason I get all anxious-pants when I have to call and check into things, make appointments, etc. and I procrastinate until the very last minute. It drives my husband crazy).

Anyway ... while on the phone, the nurse asked what birth control method I was considering and I found this a little odd, to be honest. What business is it of the clinic's? Plus, this was the second time in a few days (as I had just been discharged from the hospital) someone had asked me about birth control methods post-baby. The other time was the morning after delivery when one of the attending physicians asked me in the hospital. I had to wonder - is the medical field that hard up for money they want me to jump back on birth control (specifically with a costly IUD, which is what both of them suggested in our conversations) or is it procedurally required they recommend birth control following a baby for health reasons (ie: to eliminate the risk of having multiple pregnancies back-to-back)?

To be honest, I wasn't sure what method was best for us. I'd been on The Pill (Ortho Try-Cyclen's generic) since I was 16 (not because I was sexually active, but because my parents felt it better to be prepared than to have a teenager with an unplanned pregnancy). So that was that and I never had any issues with it, or taking The Pill daily for that matter, for the lengthy 15 years I was on it.

It wasn't until Andi and I were ready to start trying for baby I realized how altering birth control is to a woman's body. Last November, I went off The Pill and started following the Fertility Awareness Method (FAM) by taking my temperature every morning and charting it as so to predict ovulation. We were one of the lucky ones; a month later, I was pregnant.

One thing I realized when observing the Fertility Awareness Method (or rather, just going off birth control all together) was just how much I didn't know about my own body. I vaguely remember a high school health class or two discussing the female anatomy, but I can't say I ever retained any of that information. I was too busy making googly eyes at the boy sitting next to me! I also didn't realize just how powerful birth control hormones really are. I mean, wow, I took a pill every day for 15 years and never got pregnant. I stopped taking said "pill" for TEN DAYS and got pregnant. Whoa.

So, the big question before me - what birth control method is right for me now? Andi didn't seem to care much other than stressing that I physically BE on some sort of birth control. He isn't ready to put his faith in the FAM method (or in my ability to track ovulation) apparently. This left me to make the decision on my own and part of me felt scared to resume the entrance of such powerful, artificial hormone(s) into my body. But ... and that's a big BUT ... the other part of me is really nervous to get pregnant again. I know we'll have another baby someday, but I'm not ready for that day to be today. Likely I would have a hard time conceiving anyway since I'm nursing, but I know this can't be relied on either.

After talking it over with my doctor, I decided to get the Mirena IUD. I hope I made the right decision. Everything sounded peachy when I was at the appointment and the little IUD was conveniently laying on the table, ready to be inserted. I liked the idea of not having periods (or very little) and the idea of not having to run to the pharmacy every month (again, I HATE calling things in and I always find myself scrambling at the last second to pick up my prescription). She made it sound so simple - when we'd like to try for another baby I just make an appointment, she removes the IUD and we're ready to start trying.

Isn't it funny how you hear about something EVERYWHERE you turn when it's happening in your life? Like breaking up with a boyfriend only to see his car or hear his name mentioned in every conversation. I've heard such negative press about the IUD since my appointment. And, uh, too late - I already got it. Some say it's the most painful procedure to have completed (although I hardly felt any pain at all - this is because I'm postpartum and my cervix is still soft) and how many crazy side effects people had once on it (mood swings, depression, etc). It's all making me very nervous to have entered into the world of birth control again.

Seriously, how did guys get off so easy?

The Flub

2011-10-12T11:14:00.000-05:00

I never thought I'd say this, but postpartum clothes wearing is 17 million times WORSE than pregnancy wear. I have absolutely nothing to wear these days. I still have 10 pounds to lose to be back to pre-pregnancy weight (14 according to my doctor's scale and seriously, is SOMEONE going to fix that scale? It always reads heavy!). Not to mention my stomach is all sorts of, well, poochy. I find it funny how I thought my stomach was poochy before I was pregnant and now I realize I was smoking crack. That was not poochy, this is poochy and come to think of it, it's not all that funny after all.

Coupled with the fact that I gave myself absolutely no wiggle room in the sizing department pre-pregnancy, I have nothing in my closet that fits. Worse than not being able to close my jeans at all, I can squeeze into them and find myself sporting a glamorous muffin-top stomach instead. It's been unseasonably warm around here lately and somewhere between the move and not buying regular clothes for a year because I was preggo, I have no shirts that aren't t-shirts. It's apparent now that 2009 was a big Target graphic tee year for me and somehow those t-shirts look very adolescent to me now that I'm 30 and a mama.

So, I'm wearing maternity leggings and tank tops like they're going out of style. Which, I guess isn't that big of deal since I'm mostly at home during the day. BUT .... along come special events like the San Diego wedding we just attended or movie premieres like the one Andi asked me to attend with him last night. Have. Nothing. To. Wear.

After a crazy amount of complaining about my situation, Andi came home early yesterday and brought me a $100 Target gift card. "Go shopping" he said, "All by yourself. I've got the baby." I'm pretty sure I was squealing out of the drive-way before he finished his sentence (oh so long ago are the days I was terrified to leave Tory for an hour or two. Wait, that was actually last week, but whatev's).

I went to Target and found a few things I liked. I even tried them on in the store which, whoa, is a pretty big deal for me. I'm usually more in the camp of buying and promising to return the rejected items only to NEVER do as planned and let the crappy purchase hang in my closet un-worn. After trying on 20 items, I found 3 I was pleased enough to purchase. Why though did someone not warn me about dressing room lights and the deadly combination of a nasty linea nigra line down my stomach and my pasty white haven't-seen-the-light-of-a-tanning-bed in 9+ months body? Geez.

While changes to my body are COMPLETELY worth it as they resulted in my beautiful baby girl, it's going to take some getting used to as I settle into my new self image. Breastfeeding melts the pounds they say, and I suppose it has (down 27 pounds since Tory's birth) but WHEN will the rest come off? And how long before I start to feel like ME again? I guess the only bright spot is winter's approach. At least I don't have to sport a bikini anytime soon ....

Tory - 6 Weeks Old

2011-10-11T10:34:00.000-05:00

Tory - 6 Weeks Old