Letters to Tory: Three Months

Tory Bean,

It's no question you're a child of ours. We're beginning to see glimpses of your personality and at times, you're mirror images of Daddy and I. For one, you're very particular about your likes and dislikes and we're certain you're as strong-minded as we are. You like bath time, but only if we get into the tub with you. You still love your bouncy seat, but only if someone sits next to you and bounces it feverishly. One day you like your pacifier, the next day you don't. You can't sit idle for long; always asking to be entertained. And who can forget your arch nemesis - the car seat - how you loathe the sight of it. Yet when you're doing something you enjoy, your the smiliest kid on the planet. Lately, you love being carried in the Baby Bjorn and ring sling, laying on your changing table and watching us make silly faces at you.

This month you're fascinated by your hands. You stare at them forever and watch your fingers move open and closed. You also like to hold onto our fingers and just the other day, you wrapped your arms around my neck when I carried you down the hallway. That little gesture made my heart sing; you hung on tight and and I hugged you right back, baby girl. I love you so much!

You're a jet-setting baby, Tory Girl. This month, we flew to Nebraska for your baptism at St. Paul's Lutheran Church. You wore the same baptism dress Mommy wore when she was a baby and you looked absolutely beautiful in it. Lots of people met you for the first time including Great-Great-Grandma Lohse and Great-Grandpa George.

We also went on our first family vacation this month to the Florida Keys. As always, you were an excellent traveler. We think you'll be quite the adventurer, just like Daddy. I can't say you napped much while we were there because you didn't want to miss a minute. So many times, your head looked a little droopy, but you fought hard to see and do and go. On this trip, you dipped your toes into the ocean for the very first time and experienced your first rainstorm. You're a tropical baby, that's for sure, you loved the warm air on your piggies as we took daily walks along the water.

Just the other night as I stood beside your crib and rocked you to sleep, I remembered my dreams of one day holding my newborn baby in their nursery. Tears streamed down my face as I realized my dreams have finally come true. You are everything to me, Tory. These have been the best three months of my life.

Love,
Mommy

Tory - 13 Weeks Old

Tory - 13 Weeks Old

Hands

I find myself lost in your tiny little hands and I realize you won't be my baby girl for long. Ten ridiculously tiny fingers have given way to chubby round ones reaching and discovering the world all around you. You're growing up far too quickly, Tory Bean, that I know for sure.

Lately as I lay you on your changing table, those adorable hands grab onto my shirtsleeve with a strong hold. You hang onto me tightly and I feel like you're trying to tell me you need me. I reassure you, letting you know I'm right there. Your face lights up with your sweet, gummy smile.

You've started to caress my chest with your precious fingers as I cuddle you in my arms. It makes my spirit leap as you slowly move your fingers along my shirt, my neck, my heart.

Two baby hands are growing. I watch you motion for toys on your activity mat. Soon you'll be shaking a rattle between your fingers or waving bye-bye to everyone you know. Not long after you'll be crawling around the living room, using those hands to guide you.

Those sweet tiny hands, full of wrinkles and creases.

Today I memorize what they look like for I know this moment will pass us by too quickly.

Thanksgiving 2011

We have much to be thankful this year!

Exactly one year ago today, God created our beautiful Tory Girl. We wished and hoped and prayed for her and in 2011, watched her grow in my belly. I never forget for a minute how blessed we are to have her in our lives.

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We celebrated Thanksgiving 2011 with Andi's family this year. In past years, all the women would meet at Andi's Grandma's house early in the morning to start cooking for the masses. His family is HUGE and it takes lots of turkey, mashed potatoes and pumpkin bars to go around. This year though, I didn't feel like I could tackle cooking and taking care of Tory Bean all at the same time, so I opted to bring a side dish I made beforehand. Maybe next year I'll have more time to break out my apron and help.

Thanksgiving was a hit with Tory; she refused to sleep a wink during the day because she didn't want to miss any of the action. Poor baby was asleep in the car before we pulled away from Grandma's house (and asleep in her car seat no less ... now there's something to be thankful about)!

Grandma Janie and Tory

Daddy's telling Tory about Aunt Judy's famous pumpkin bars!

Ok, now Daddy's being silly ... Tory can't eat turkey legs!

My favorite part of Thanksgiving is family. It's awesome to get together to laugh and celebrate each other. It's a great reminder of just how lucky we are.

We Made a Picture Wall

It seems like picture walls are all the rage these days, so Andi and I jumped on the bandwagon and put one up this weekend. I've been eyeing this one ...

Source: marthastewart.com via Heather on Pinterest

... I found on Pinterest a few months ago so we went to Michael's yesterday (with a 40% off frames special and a 20% off coupon in hand) to see what we could find. Unfortunately, the Christmas shoppers and extreme cinnamon-smell overload had our heads spinning. We couldn't decide how many frames we needed or which type of frames we liked best. Then Andi found a picture wall grid pattern which included numbered frames so we opted for that design instead. We seriously had the picture wall hung in our upstairs hallway in less than an hour. It was so easy! There was no spousal snapping at each other (which tends to happen to us when home improvement projects are involved) and we accomplished it with Tory in the mix.

Total project cost = $140 (plus the cost of photo printing)

Here's how we did it:

First, we taped the paper grid to the wall, positioning it where we wanted the frames.

Second, Andi drilled screws into the holes designated on the paper grid. Then he ripped the paper down from the wall. Only the screws, exactly measured in the correct places, were left.

Next, we determined which photos we wanted places on the picture wall. We selected a mixture of our wedding photos, reception photos and Tory photos.

Ta-dah! The finished product.

I think it turned out fabulously and it really warms up the upstairs hallway. Yeah, us!

Tory - 12 Weeks Old

Tory - 12 Weeks Old

.... and all dressed up in her Thanksgiving dress!

Hyperventilating Over The Holidays

Is it just me, or is anyone else having a hard time getting into the holiday spirit this year? I'm completely denying the fact that tomorrow's Thanksgiving and Christmas will be here a few short weeks later. Usually by late November, I'm chomping at the bit to dig out all my holiday decorations and start up a baking frenzy. Scouring the internet for awesome appetizer recipes and decorating ideas completely consumes me. I have the perfect gifts in mind for all of our family and friends and more times than not, most of my gifts are already on order.

But this year? I find myself breathing into a paper bag at the very thought of baking or entertaining or shopping or celebrating. I have no idea what I'm buying anyone this year. Add in the fact I haven't worked in three months and I have about $3 in my checking account, I'm squeezing my eyes tight and hoping it all goes away.

My life is different this year because of Tory. She consumes every ounce of my energy and all of the minutes in my day. Twelve weeks into parenting, I've finally figured out how to shower everyday. If I'm firing on all cylinders, I have dinner prepared when Andi gets home from work. But other daily tasks like grocery shopping at the store, I can't even fathom. If it weren't for online ordering and grocery delivery, I think we'd probably starve.

Is it just me, or does anyone else have a really hard time balancing motherhood and the every day? I see and hear and listen to all my mom friends and fellow bloggers baking wonderful holiday treats and hosting fabulous dinner parties. Their houses are already decorated and their planning tons of activities to celebrate the holidays ... and I'm all GAHHHH! How the heck do they do it all?

I love being a mom more than anything in the world. But this thought has been bouncing around in my head a lot lately and I can't seem to find the answer: When will I be able to be "me" again? When will I be able to cook and entertain and clean my house and do all the things I find achievement in completing? Because seriously, this baby of mine is all-consuming and I'm drowning in the sole responsibility of caring for her. There is no time for anything else.

Graciously, my MIL volunteered to come over and watch Tory next week so I can decorate my house for Christmas. I'm so thankful she's close by to help with Tory; I really don't know how I'd get everything done otherwise. But then the mommy guilt creeps in and I feel completely horrible about wasting one of my last maternity leave days with Tory to decorate my house for Christmas. She's only this little once and here I am worrying about Christmas trees and holiday wreaths? How selfish am I? This time with her is the only thing that should matter to me.

Last year for Thanksgiving, I made army-size portions of mashed potatoes and corny macaroni for Andi's family celebration. I crafted a cheese ball in the shape of a turkey for all of the cooks to snack on while we prepared the big meal at his grandma's house. This year I'm bringing mashed potatoes again if I can carve out time to make them. It's my mom's super easy make-ahead recipe and yet the task at hand seems like an uphill climb. Today I must brave the grocery store crowds with a baby in tow all for disposable foil pans. If I'm lucky, Tory won't scream all the way there from her car seat and we can whip in and out of the store before the after-work crowds descend. Back at home, I'll scramble to pull the ingredients together while Tory takes one of her classic 20 minute naps. And tomorrow I'll pull it all together and make it Andi's family celebration on time.

I'm hoping Thanksgiving gives me the kick in the pants I need to get into the holiday spirit. Or maybe this year we'll have a half-decorated tree and store-bought holiday treats. Maybe next year will be easier to find a balance between all the things I love about the holidays - my family and the excitement that surrounds the season.