Quick Takes: Purging All The Things; Sleep; Hair; Summer & Milestones

1. I've devoted every ounce of my free time this week to The Great Purge of 2015. A huge spring cleaning bug bit me hard and nothing in our house is safe. I was tired of cringing each time I opened the storage room door, or my bedroom closet for that matter. Now, I'm riding the high of organization in our home.

Purging *stuff* comes easy for me. Don't need it. TOSS. Haven't worn this in a while. GONE. I purged at least 50% of the clothes in my closet, cleaned the refrigerator top-to-bottom and spent an entire afternoon sorting through 16 totes of girl's clothing in the past two weeks. (I still have 10 totes of boy's clothes to go through.) It feels amazing to see a space once cluttered with items now clean and orderly.

Though, I'm quickly learning finding a new home for all our unwanted clothing, household items and baby gadgets takes devotion. I equate it to doing laundry: washing, drying and even folding aren't the hard parts for me; it's the actual putting away of the laundry that takes the most effort. I could do load after load of laundry during the day but unless I put the clothes away in their correct places, it's only transferring chaos from the hamper to the top of the bedroom dresser.

Of course, dropping items off at a donation center is easy enough -- just drive up and toss everything in a bin -- but for some reason, knowing someone else would benefit and enjoy our gently used items (specifically baby things) made liquidating items a much easier pill to swallow.

First, I decided to give consignment stores and the local Facebook garage sale site a try and I'm here to proclaim -- those venues are a true test of time and patience. It's no easy feat loading up the car and driving to a consignment store, then hauling everything inside with two little kids in tow. Some stores let you come back the same day to collect your items and/or money earned, but that means 2+ trips in one day. As any parent knows, it's asking a lot to make multiple stops anywhere in one day with kids along. I can't decide if the Facebook garage sale site is much better. I can meet someone in a parking lot and transfer my sale items without removing the kids from their car seats, but all the back and forth with buyers about meeting times, price haggling and no-shows are quite maddening. A friend on Instagram suggested donating baby items to a pregnancy and family resource center in South Minneapolis, so I finally did. I love that my gently-used baby things will breathe new life with someone who really needs them. A much better solution than being piled up in our basement, that's for sure.

2. News flash -- Aden still wakes up most nights. Not breaking news? It's been on-going for 17 months now? Heh. Typically, he wakes up around 2:00am every night and if I give him a few ounces of milk he'll go right back to sleep. I know he's capable of sleeping through the night at his age, but it hurts my heart to hear him cry ... especially when I can so easily make him stop and everyone can go back to sleep.

Two nights ago, Aden cried at 9:30pm, 12:30am and 2:00am. Tory called out shortly thereafter to use the restroom. I'd set my phone's alarm for 3:30am when I mistakenly thought Andi requested the wake-up time for his 6:00am flight. The alarm woke us both up at 3:30am and Andi asked me to reset it again for his correct wake-up time of 4:30am. I woke up when the alarm went off at 4:30am, and once more when Andi left the house at 5:00am. I couldn't fall back asleep after that, so I finally got up for the day at 5:45am. I AM TIRED.

That night was my breaking point. This has got to stop! It's time to sleep train Aden. His poor sleep habits are wreaking havoc on our entire family's daily life. I'm wide awake after his "usual" 2:00am wake-up many nights, and I cannot keep functioning on such broken sleep. I mean I can, I've been doing it for years now, but I no longer want to. My husband's been singing that tune for years...

Andi dangled a trip to Paris (all the heart emojis! and croissants! and wine!) in front of me if I'll sleep training Aden while he's traveling one week. It sounds dramatic, but I think he's serious. And, I mean, Paris! For that, I guess I can do anything. (If only Andi had realized sooner I was so easily motivated by carbs and wine).

So, Operation: Teach Aden to Sleep starts now.

3. Semi-related -- Aden's walking! He's really, truly walking now! Aden's known how to walk for a while now (for 6 weeks at least?), but always defaulted to moving around on his knees. It was the safer and reliable choice, I think. In the last two days though, Aden's been standing up and actually walking from place to place. Indoors and outdoors; in public places like down the hallway of Tory's preschool and between furniture in the comforts of home. I'm so proud of him! (And secretly wiping the sweat off my brow; looks like he won't be knee-walking off to college someday.)

4. I started running outside again. It's only been two days so I'm not demanding a gold star or anything, but I'm proud of myself for getting out there and doing it. It's no small feat pushing 54 pounds of children + a 32 pound stroller while I do it! I never thought I'd say this, but I actually enjoy running outdoors. It's refreshing to be in the sunshine and fresh air, and it gives Tory, Aden and I something to do together. Tory calls them "fun runs" and we stop at the park afterwards so they can run off some wiggles of their own, and I can catch my breath (ha!). It's a win/win for everyone.

5. I got a haircut last week, and I hate it.

My hair was the longest it'd been in a while, dusting past my shoulders. I scheduled a cut and color at the same salon I've gone to for years, but with a new-to-me stylist. She was the only slot available in the window of time I had available and how terrible could she really be I wondered?

I settled into the salon chair and showed her a picture of my vision. I asked for a new shade of color similar to my own, just a bit warmer, and an inverted bob haircut. It's a bit edgier than my usual style, but since my hair was longer than normal I thought it'd be a good time to go for it.

The lady worked on my hair forever. "A little bit more," I kept telling her. "No, more inverted like the picture," I repeated. Finally after a full three hours at the salon, I told her to wrap it up because I needed to relieve my babysitter. I knew the minute I walked out of the salon it wasn't my best cut, and that's an awful feeling when you a) spent a sizable chunk of money, and b) should walk out of any salon after an appointment feeling beautiful.

Later at home, I noticed an entire section of hair below my left ear was longer than the rest of the bob. I attempted to brush and style it a few different ways to see if the piece was truly longer or just some weird crimp. Nope - longer. A few days passed, real mom-life kicked in, and I went bug-eyed in the mirror every time I'd catch a glimpse of my hair. Not only was my hair a little longer in one spot, but the tips of the inverted bob looked like wings sticking out from my ears when I'd tuck my hair behind them. That was to no fault of the stylist; just the nature of the haircut I'd requested. I called the salon and asked for another appointment to fix the stylist's mistake in missing a section of my hair, and thought she could even out my inverted bob during the same visit.

She did, and now I have a regular / average / nothing special / short bob haircut. This Jenny McCarthy style is the cut I usually wear, but now my hair's length is too short to achieve it. Sigh. I think what I really wanted was an edgy, textured bob and now I have to wait a few weeks until my hair grows enough to get there.

Alright -- it doesn't look that bad in this photo, but trust me. It's very meh.

6. Summer's a few weeks away, and I'm excited! I know some parents stress about having their kids home every day, but I love the un-structure. I signed Tory and Aden up for swimming classes one weekday morning. Otherwise, I'm keeping our calendar open for plenty of play dates at the park, picnics, free summer concerts and trips to the zoo. The kids and I are traveling to Nebraska to visit my family one week, and I'd love to squeeze in a trip to Kentucky to visit my friend Lindsey if time allows. Andi's traveling a bunch this summer and even that isn't getting me down. Bring on the sunshine, warm weather and cabin life! It's my favorite time of the year.

The Fish Story

It's no secret Tory is a terrible sleeper. As in, the worst of the worst. Andi and I would've thrown her back long ago if she wasn't so darn cute because the child does not sleep well. I think Tory's slept through the night (in her own bed, not a peep until morning) only a handful of times in her young 3 1/2 years of life. It doesn't help that we bounce between living at home during the week and staying at the lake cabin on the weekends. Essentially, we're "traveling" every week of the year, so it's difficult for the kids to settle into one place.

Tory's sleep issues have varied over the years from bedtime battles, to outcries during the night, to too-early wake ups in the morning. She's never been good at soothing herself to sleep, and occasional nightmares don't help either. Over the years, Andi and I have tried every sleep training method imaginable to change Tory's habits. We've read parenting books, practiced cry-it-out techniques, implemented a sticker chart, used a light-up kids clock, promised new toys, etc. Nothing has consistently worked.

Over the years, my body has adapted to irregular sleep. I like sleeping; of course I'd like more of it ... but I can function on six hours of solid zzz's now. Andi is a different story. He works long hours running a business so he needs a rested mind to function properly, and he also gets sick easily when he's tired and stressed.

About a month ago, Andi and I were getting the kids ready for bed when my husband dropped a bombshell: "Tory, if you can sleep through the night for 20 nights, I'll buy you a fish. All night long, every night, for 20 nights. Think you can do it?"

Of course, Tory agreed. Meanwhile, I was across the room shooting dagger eyes at Andi because, dude, it is against every law of parenting to promise a new pet without discussing it first. Three guesses who'll be the person caring for a new fish... not that it's terribly difficult, but still. It's another thing to clean up around here.

"Don't, worry. She'll never make it 20 nights," Andi said.

Well, guess what?

It turns out, Tory is very capable of sleeping through the night when she sets her mind to it. Every night before bed, Andi reminded Tory about their deal and asked her what would happened if she woke up in the night. "Start over. No fish," Tory would chant in response.

(video)

Tory even held up her end of the bargain during weekend nights at the lake cabin. She's never (ever, ever, ever) slept through the night there before, and suddenly staying in her bed was no big deal. I couldn't believe it.

When Andi returned Sunday after working away from home last week, we made a family field trip to the pet store to bring home a fish called "Princess."

Tory selected a castle fit for underwater royalty. She was so excited about the whole experience.

Introducing the newest member of our family: "Princess Fish."

Tory's pretty excited about her new fish friend, and asks to feed him (it's actually a male Betta fish; don't tell Tory that) about a dozen times a day.

The big question is whether Tory has continued to sleep through the night after she got her fish, and the answer is yes... mostly. Andi's new threat deal is the fish moves from Tory's room to Aden's room if she wakes up in the night. It seemed to work earlier this week, but last night Tory called out several times for us. We'll see what happens this weekend at the cabin.

I'm skeptical of any method's staying power, but I do hope the last 20+ days created a sleeping pattern with Tory. If nothing else, I thoroughly enjoyed the last few weeks of restfulness.

7 Quick Takes: Dairy, Sleep, Cabin Updates, First Haircut

1. Well, I'm back on the dairy train. That didn't last long. I cut dairy last week, then re-introduced it with some cheese over the weekend and it didn't seem to affect Aden either way. Now, I'm thinking the pediatrician was probably right and Aden's skin irritations are caused by the dry air / cold weather. I've been diligent about applying lotion several times a day and Aden hasn't had any skin rashes or redness since the one incident at the beginning of last week. See, this is what parenting's like inside my head. I go back and forth on topics until I've hashed them to death. Is the rash from something I'm eating? Is he getting enough to eat? Is there something I'm missing? Maybe it's not a big deal at all? Gah.

2. Dare I say we're moving in the right direction re: sleep in our household? It's been a tough month(s) in the sleep department with multiple wake-ups from Tory and Aden every night. Andi started sleeping downstairs in our spare bedroom so he could be semi-functional at work during the week and giving me extra time on the weekends to catch up. Our family's entire method of function was off-kilter from lack of sleep. There was a gray fog cast on every aspect of life. Luckily, things seem to be on the up-swing and Aden's pulled a few 3-4 hours stretches at night which isn't perfect but feels heavenly in comparison to the previous few weeks. Best of all, I don't feel like stabbing someone at every waking moment. The world moves on.

3. Andi's mom has been babysitting the kids on Sunday evenings and it's been wonderful. We're often driving home from the cabin on Sundays and since her house is on the way, she's offers to keep them for a couple hours from the time we drop them off until bedtime. One week, Andi and I ran to the Apple Store together (something I loathe doing alone when I have the kids) and two weeks ago, Andi went to dinner with friends while I shopped and went to a coffee shop alone. This past Sunday, we celebrated Easter with Andi's family and his parents offered to keep Tory overnight. It is such a breath of fresh air to have a break at the end of the weekend and to start the week with a fresh slate. So thankful for that.

4. We amped up to a new level of redneck at the cabin this past weekend: Andi bought car seats for the Ranger ATV so we can take family "truck rides" together. Driving around the countryside is one of our favorite things to do on the weekends. Now the kids are safe and secure inside the Ranger and I just feel so much better about taking them on trails and country roads. Excited for it to warm up a bit around here so we can all get out there.

Andi and Tory out for a 'truck ride" this past weekend

5. We're hoping to do a few cabin remodeling projects before summer officially begins in Wisconsin. Last fall, we replaced the appliances and added a sauna and outdoor shower. This spring, we're hoping to update the countertops with granite and put in new flooring on the middle level to replace some mis-matched carpet. Excited to see how it all comes together. All I can think about when I watch TV or flip through magazines these days is back-splashes, cabinet colors and countertops.

6. We also bought a canoe for the cabin. Andi has grand plans to take family canoe trips this summer on a few of the rivers by the cabin. We did one on Father's Day last year and it was really fun, but it was bit challenging with a constantly-moving toddler. I held onto Tory most of the time while Andi paddled us the length of our trip down the river. Our new canoe has a trolling motor, so problem solved! We'll just turn on the motor and zoom down the river when Andi doesn't feel like paddling his entire family in a canoe! Wish us luck canoeing this summer with two small children. Life's all about the adventure, right?

7. Aden got his first haircut this morning. I'm still somewhat embarrassed / shocked I let a hairstylist come near my baby boy's head with a pair of scissors, but Aden's hair was seriously out of control. There were some very long baby hairs on the top of his head and a few random ones sticking out the sides. Elsewhere, Aden has peach fuzz just starting to grow in so I thought it'd be best to even it all out. Tory, Aden and I were at the kids salon for Tory's haircut, so I politely asked the stylist to clean up Aden's hair a bit, too. She snipped away the long hairs on top and gave me a baggie with his tiny blond strands. People probably thought I was crazy, but oh well. He really does look better.

Little buddy, 21 weeks old today

Let's Talk about Sleep

What good is a personal blog if you can't rant about sleep (or, the lack of) once in a while?

I am tired. Tired. Apparently, I've been selected to parent children who do not sleep well. I thought Tory's poor sleep habits were isolated and hoped (wished! prayed!) Aden would be better. He is in some ways, like how I can lay him in his crib in the evenings and he'll fall asleep on his own. That's one big mistake I made with Tory, and I vowed not to make the same mistake again. The trouble is, Aden is still waking up every two hours, if not more often, throughout the night. Couple that with Tory who's also waking up several times a night and I'm basically bouncing from bedroom to bedroom all night long. I haven't slept more than three hours in a row in four-and-a-half months. Last night was seriously brutal and I slept in 45 minute clips until 3:00am when both my children finally passed the hell out. Until 5:00am. (Thank you, Aden).

I'm so tired I have no ambition to do anything extra. I want to blog, but I don't have the mental energy to write. I literally stare at the screen for three minutes and then shut the lid. Laundry? Piled high. Most days, clothes don't even make it into the laundry room; I just chuck them down the stairs. Cleaning? Forget about it. My floors are dirty and I'm so stinking tired of picking crumbs off the bottom of my feet. My dining room table is smeared in jelly. This afternoon I sat in a sticky something stuck to the table bench and I about cried. I don't have the energy to keep up with all this.

The bright side is I feel less stabby towards Andi this time around. He helps put Tory to sleep at bedtime and I do appreciate it. But, nighttime wake-ups are all me (unless I'm in the middle of feeding Aden and then I usually jab Andi until he goes in to Tory's room to comfort her back to sleep). I accept it as my responsibility to care for the children in the middle of the night as part of my role as stay-at-home-mother, and Andi runs a successful business so I know he needs rest. It is easier to cope being a SAHM and not having to work outside of the house everyday. I am grateful for that. Still, I am running on fumes over here. I try to keep a positive attitude and say things like, "This will get better! Eventually the kids will sleep ... even if it's not until they're 15!" (insert: nervous laughter)

Seriously. Will it though? The logical part of me knows it will (the days are long, but the years are short ... and all that jazz) but I am eyeball-deep in the fog right now and it feels like that scenario will never be true.

Sadly, I'm thankful when Andi informs me he's sleeping downstairs in the spare bedroom at night. Then, I don't feel guilty about the kids keeping him up all night and our bed's free for a kid(s) to sleep with me. It definitely easier (though only enabling the problem) to let Tory sleep beside me, or Aden if she has yet to stumble her way into the master bedroom. Andi and I bit the bullet and purchased a king-size bed that's being delivered on Thursday. I think we both realized this crap isn't getting better anytime soon, so we might as well accommodate more appropriately.

I have fears Aden's not getting enough to eat, that he's not starving but not satisfied either, and that's why he's not sleeping well. I don't have much of a milk supply and had the same issue with Tory when she was his age. I'll spare the details for now, but because of this fear I have a hard time letting him cry at night. I visited a lactation consultant last month and she gave me advice to try to boost my supply, so we'll see if that helps. I started offering Aden pumped breast milk /or formula to see if he's still hungry after a nursing session, but he doesn't seem to take much by bottle. If he's truly hungry during the night, which he seems to be every two to three hours, then I will nurse him. I can't very well be upset with him for not sleeping if he's hungry. But, I also don't want to train him to eat all throughout the night if he doesn't need it. So other times he wakes up in the night, I get up and give him back his pacifier. He seems so restless when I watch him lay in his crib and I think that's how he loses it so frequently.

There's really no point to this post other than to word-vomit how brain-dead I am to someone/no one. Both kids are in bed and Andi's downstairs with a stomach ache so I really should take this time to rest myself, but I know Aden will be up in the next 45 minutes to eat. Why bother, right? Remember the days pre-kids when you could lay in bed whenever you wanted, for as long as you liked? I should have enjoyed it more back then.

The Bedtime Dance

I just had to sit down and document the craziness that is bedtime while I'm on solo parenting duty. I do countless rounds of getting these little kiddos to sleep throughout the week, but bedtimes seem to be especially challenging. I think it's because Aden is tired and fussier than usual during the hours of 6:00pm - 8:00pm, and Tory is anything but those things. She seems to get one last burst of energy, and pulls out all the stops to delay her eminent bedtime. I'm sure this is nothing different than what's happening in a lot of homes with small children, but as I was in the midst of my little bedtime dance with these two, I realized how ridiculous it all is.

Here's how it usually goes down:

Around 6:00pm, Aden wakes up from his early evening power snooze and tends to be fussier than normal. He wants to be held which is super inconvenient for doing things like shoving food in my face or tidying up the house one last time. I shout out a few empty threats to Tory about finishing her dinner before bedtime. It never fails, she'll be famished and ready to eat at the very mention of settling down for the night.

On nights I'm doing the bedtime routine on my own, I try to start Tory into pajamas, brushing teeth and books earlier than normal because everything seems to take longer. That, and I'm exhausted by this point in the day. The sooner to bed, the sooner this Mama can finally collapse into bed myself.

It never fails, around 7:00pm as Tory's crawling into bed waiting for three books to be read to her, Aden has a crying fit. None of his usual favorites will suffice -- not the swing, his pacifier or the bouncy seat -- he must be held by me. I'll wear him in the Baby Bjorn while reading to Tory with my free hands. She starts to fuss because she wants me to sit down beside her, and I explain for the hundredth time that I can't because I'm bouncing Aden.

After three books, it's lights out. I stand next to Tory's bed and rub her belly in a clockwise motion with my right hand while still holding Aden in the Baby Bjorn on my chest. He requires his own series of bouncing, patting and shushing. It's like chewing gum, reading a book and walking at the same time. My extremities are doing different things and I have a hard time keeping it all in motion.

Finally Aden conks out in the Bjorn (thank goodness), so I've only got Tory to get to sleep. She asks for a drink (which I hand her) and a snack (which I deny her... should have eaten more food at dinnertime, kid). She says it's "too dark in my eyes" and stalls by making shadow puppets on the wall. Finally, I feel her little arms and legs twitch which is my sign she's fallen asleep. I exit her room with Aden still strapped in the Baby Bjorn and finish up chores around the house while he's still sleeping.

Around 8:00pm, Aden stirs in the baby carrier. I dress him in his Sleep Sack and nurse him once more before laying him down to sleep in his crib. Luckily, he's sleepy enough by this point that putting him down is easy.

When I was pregnant with Aden, I always wondered how I'd manage bedtime with two kids. I guess the answer is, I do what's necessary to get the job done ... even if it takes as many arms as an octopus to do it.

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Updated:

Naturally, I saw this clip posted on Facebook this morning and just had to laugh. Jerry Seinfeild talking about bedtime with his own kids. Too funny!

7 Quick Takes: Sleep, Wine and Valentines

1. Last night was another sleepless night in our house, bouncing between both kids' cries from the hours of 11:00pm - 6:00am. I'm amazed at how well I'm operating on no sleep. I used to be someone who required at least 8-10 hours every night and now I'm lucky if I get 2-3 hours in a row. I see no light at the end of the tunnel and accepting that fact has helped my mental state immensely. This isn't getting any better! Get used to it, lady! When my mom visited a few weeks ago, she asked me when I thought Tory would finally start sleeping through the night. "She has to sleep eventually, don't you think?" Honestly, no, I don't. I've given up on trying to crack the case of sleep with that girl. (It should be noted my awareness of Starbucks drive-thru's in a 20-mile radius of my house has increased vastly in the last two months. God bless liquid energy.)

2. On a related note, last night was Aden's first time sleeping in his crib. My big boy has nearly outgrown the baby bassinet and as I mentioned in my Day In The Life post earlier this week, I think Tory's waking him prematurely in the mornings with her loud yogurt-demanding, tantrum-throwing ways. Part of the reason I slept like such crap last night was because he was in his own room. We have a video monitor and I could see him sleeping peacefully in his crib, but I still felt nervous about him being so far away from me. The good news is, I think he'll transition to sleeping in his crib just fine. He was still up to eat every three hours regardless of where he slept. I, on the other hand, was more awake having to physically get out of bed every few hours (x2 because I was already doing that with Tory). Also, it breaks my heart a little bit that my baby boy is already sleeping in his own room. If I could, I'd probably let him sleep next to my bed forever. Okay, that's a bit of an over-statement; more like, a few more months.

3. A dear friend made us a meal after Aden was born and included these homemade chewy granola bars. I've made a few batches myself since then, and it's safe to say I'm addicted to them. They are so good and the recipe's almost impossible to mess up. I used almonds and dried cranberries in one batch, chocolate nibs and raisins in another. One time I used honey and another time I used maple syrup. I want to make some with coconut flakes and pistachios next time (not necessarily together). These granola bars are the only breakfast I can fit in some days and are almost always my go-to snack mid-afternoon. I've been using the Pampered Chef brownie pan my mom and dad gave me for Christmas and it works perfectly for this recipe. I decreased the cooking time to 15 minutes because the surface area is much smaller than the pan suggested in the original recipe.

4. Yesterday, Tory and I made Valentine's Day cards. We painted her hands red and stamped them on construction paper and I did the same to Aden's feet. Surprisingly, he was a really good sport about it! Later, I assembled the hand and footprints into cards and made one for myself to save in my scrapbook of stuff from the kids. (Yes, I made my own valentine. Ain't no shame in my game and if I don't do it, who will?) The card to "Mom and Dad" (aka: me) was sitting on my nightstand last night and Tory picked it up. "I make this for you?" she asked. I told her she did and we recapped how we'd painted her hands earlier in the day. She opened the card, held it up close to her nose and read, "Happy Valentine's Mommy." I nearly died from the cuteness.

5. My birthday's coming up next month and I've decided to ask for a Sonicare toothbrush. I feel super old requesting such a lame birthday gift, but I think I'd really like it. I'm also going to ask for a new iPhone (just because) and an imaginary gift card for babysitting time from my in-laws. My most cherished thing lately (aside from my husband and kids, obviously) is to hole up in a quiet corner of a coffee shop and just be by myself for a while. The mental recharge is gold.

6. Nine weeks: nine weeks is how long it took Tory to take a chill pill with Aden. Things are by no means perfect around here, but all of my advisements to "be gentle" have finally started to sink into her brain. Sometimes, Tory still pesters Aden on purpose just to get a rise out of me but 80% of the time now, she's being more gentle with him. I hope (hope, hope, hope!) this means his allure is wearing off. Aden's becoming more tolerant, too, and the other day I even caught him smiling at Tory. Big improvement over shrieking at her very sight. Because of this, Tory and I have had the best few days. It's such a breath of fresh air to not be constantly calling her down all the time. Prayers for patience = answered.

7. Andi joined a wine club last month and it's been something new and fun to do. We already drink plenty of wine, so at least this helps me creatively step outside my Apothic Red comfort zone. This club's different in that you get a minimum of three bottles of wine a month. You rate them based on your liking and by the sixth month or so, supposedly you're only receiving wines you absolutely love because the palate profile is refined to your personal taste. So far, we loved two of the three wines we tried last month and I'm excited to see what shows up on our doorstep for February.

Growing Up

Parenting is such a crazy experience.

There was a time, not long ago, rocking my tiny infant daughter to sleep in her bouncy chair was the only way to get her to take a nap. Rocking the bouncy seat with my hand, because the vibration of the chair wasn't satisfactory.

I remember many months of rocking my baby girl to sleep in a rocking chair. Fond and loving, yet exhausting memories of rocking her to sleep in a completely dark, quiet room while Andi ate dinner alone or while all of our friends and family at the cabin hung out by the lake.

I'll never forget all the days I nearly broke my back leaning over my baby girl's crib, rubbing her back to sleep. Sometimes, 45-60 minutes standing in one position trying not to make a sound. When I'd move a muscle and the floor creaked, my nearly one-year-old daughter would cry and I'd have to start the soothing process all over again.

Yes, parenting is such a crazy experience.

This morning Tory was extra fussy at breakfast, throwing little fits when things didn't go her way. We have music class today, so morning nap time on Fridays is always a little tight. I have to lay her down by 8:30am or we'll be late getting out to the door to music. A glance at the clock told me it was already 8:45am and a morning nap was probably out the question. In passing, I mentioned to Tory she could really use a nap as fussy as she was behaving. Instinctively, I warmed up some milk and handed it to her. Tory turned on a dime and calmly walked herself down the hallway to her bedroom, where she stood by her crib and waited for me to lay her down for rest.

I am shocked by that child, sometimes. I am amazed at how smart and aware she is of her surroundings. I'm in awe of the way her little mind works and reminded especially in moments like this how much of a big girl she's growing up to be. Sometimes, for a very quick second, I wish I was back in those moments where I rocked her for hours and she needed me so much. Nah, having a big girl who sleeps is a nice stage to be in, too.

Sleep Drama, No Mama

I hardly want to write about this because the moment I hit publish, everything will change again. Alas, I feel like I should document the good times as well as the exhausting ones to truly capture what our days were like during Tory's toddler years.

I'm happy to say we've had a few weeks of peaceful sleep around our house. Sleep drama seems to ebb and flow and right now we're riding the lovely, restful zzz-train. Coincidentally, she started sleeping soundly all night and taking two wonderfully long 1 1/2 hours naps the minute I switched her back to a two-nap-a-day schedule. I initially thought Tory might be ready to cut down to one nap because she was fighting me so hard to fall asleep in early January, but I'm now further convinced teething rocks her world in every way, shape and form. Tory gained her 13th tooth (canine, lower right) at the same time her sleeping improved and now that she seems to be on a teething hiatus at the moment, she's sleeping soundly with hardly any attitude. Her nighttime sleep lengthened from a very early rise time of 5:30am to now 6:30am and sometimes 7:00am. This means Tory is getting a solid 12 hours of sleep at night and on most days 2-3 hours during the day at naps. Her whole attitude has brightened now that she's operating with a rested body and mind.

A few weeks ago, I stopped rocking Tory to sleep before naps and bedtime and it's really improved our sleep routine. The rocking chair with a permanent butt imprint from many, many, many hours logged on its cushion, has sat vacant as of late. Tory is so sensitive when it comes to sleep, the minute she would drift off in my arms and I'd move her in her crib, she'd wake up and I'd have to start all over again. Getting her to sleep would take at least 45-60 minutes and by the end, my patience were fried. Lately, I've been giving her a baby doll to cuddle with in bed and laying her directly in her crib at naps and bedtime. She's asleep in under 10 minutes. It's glorious. It also means my baby is growing up and no longer needs me to rock her to sleep anymore.

In times like this - no teething, no sickness - everything is just so much easier. I find myself thankful for everyday where Tory sleeps with no hassle because nap/bedtime battles are so terribly draining and most of December and January were that way.

Today, sleep is good. We are rested. We hare happy. We are healthy and I am thankful.

Change is Never Easy

I've been testing the one-nap waters for over a week now, and I can officially say there's no turning back for us. I don't know if I'm incredibly dramatic (possible, very possible) or if other mothers are just better adapters than I am, but this has been one of the trickiest transitions thus far. Maybe it's because Tory has never been the greatest sleeper and it took us an incredibly long time to find a consistent two-nap pattern that seemed to work for her. Once we found that groove (two naps a day from 8:30am - 10:30am and 1:30pm - 2:30pm), it worked liked magic. I'm hoping the same will be the case this time around. Stick to it. Stick to it. Stick to it. (My mental mantra, over and over again).

It's only been 10 days or so, but so far the one nap thing has been a bit stressful. Typically, Tory wakes up in the morning between 5:30am-5:45am, so the next SIX HOURS are full of me keeping her busy with planned activities and lots of distraction to avoid mid-morning meltdowns. The 8:30am-9:30am hour seems to be the worst because she's used to going down for a nap around then. The first few days on this new schedule, I tried to get her out of the house (running errands, grocery shopping, etc.), but she immediately fell asleep in the car. I finally realized a little downtime is okay (and probably much needed) without physical sleep. Over the last few days, I've been using this hour to read books on the couch or snuggle up and watch an episode of Curious George with her. This seems to provide enough recharge to power through the morning.

A solid six hours in the morning means my days need to be planned, or I'm scrambling to pass the time and the days feel incredibly long. In December, I had an advent calendar activity planned for each day and it gave me something fun to look forward to doing together. Along the same idea, I jotted down something fun and interactive for us to do every day in January. Next week for example ...

Monday - visit Mall of America aquarium
Tuesday - story time at the library
Wednesday - make Valentine's Day cards for the grandparents
Thursday - Lil' Explorers event at the zoo
Friday - music class
Saturday - make a Valentine's lei
Sunday - play date with friends

I'm hoping Tory adapts to the new schedule soon and hopefully takes a nice, long afternoon nap once she realizes she's only getting one nap a day. It hasn't happened so far. Yesterday she slept for 40 minutes in the afternoon. I let her fuss for a while thinking (praying!) she'd fall back asleep but she never did. It doesn't leave much recharge time for Mama when the better part of my alone time features a toddler crying for me in the next room.

There really is no turning back, though. She is a toddler now, and toddlers take one-nap a day. It's the way it has to be eventually and I know once we're adjusted it'll make things much nicer to do something fun together in the mornings. We just have to ... GET THERE.

The Sleep Strike is Over!

Amidst the very looong few weeks we've been trudging through around here with bouts of the flu, teething and toddler sleep refusal, I decided to cut Tory back to one nap a day. I might be crazy, yes it's true. My decision mostly derived from sheer exhaustion and dread in the fight of another 90 minute battle with Miss No Nap. I just didn't have it in me. Plus, most toddlers her age who attend day care have moved onto a one-nap schedule, so I thought maybe she was ready to do the same. Maybe I was trying to over-sleep her and that's why she was fighting me so hard.

We've been at the one-nap thing for four days now, and I'm not convinced it's the right move for us. For one, I've really fallen in love with the idea of having an hour in the morning to myself to shower, blog, throw in a load of laundry, clean, whatever. Before the holidays, we had a nice little system in place of wake-up, breakfast, playtime, poop (for Tory, in case there was any confusion about that), milk and a morning nap. I didn't even care we were confined to the house until mid-day because I was able to cross a few things off my day's to-do list and have a little "me time" to boot. Secondly, Tory is an early riser (usually stirring at 5:00am and up for good between 5:30am - 5:45am) so by the time 9:00am rolls around, she needs a little down time. Her morning nap is usually her solid sleep of the day, sometimes 1-2 hours, and it's the second afternoon nap she seems to need less.

I realize four days isn't long enough in the parenting world to test if any theory works. I should give this one-nap thing at least a week or two to see if it's really the path we're on. I've tried to busy Tory and I every morning with trips to grandma's house, Target or the gym so the day doesn't feel so long for us. Except, every time I put her in the car to go somewhere she falls asleep. Staying at home for six hours in the morning isn't my favorite choice as the constant whining, pant-leg pulling and shouts of "up! up!" can be a little overwhelming without a mental break somewhere. If it's not a morning nap for Tory, then Target or Storytime at the library will have to do.

Things seems to be getting back to normal around here. Tory's fourth one-year molar popped through her gums and she seems in less discomfort overall. I'm feeling about 90% better after the worst flu-turned-cold cough and congestion crap I've experienced in quite some time. After the holiday hoopla and being at home for two weeks now, Tory seems less insistent on being held during every waking hour and more interested in occupying herself with toys, etc. Back to routine feels good.

This morning, around the time of her old morning nap, Tory looked a little sleepy. I warmed up some milk and decided to rock her for a few minutes in her bedroom. She seemed drowsy and calm, so I laid her down in her crib, said night-night and walked away. Not a peep from her. NOT A PEEP!!! It was like the old days, a simple morning nap! No wrestling! No frustration! Hallelujah!

The benefit of being home with Tory every day is we can set our own schedule. Just because all the other toddlers her age are ditching morning naps doesn't mean we have to, right? Things seems to be back on track around here for both of us. I'm so, so glad. I'm going to relax and enjoy this moment we're in, instead of stressing over morning activities and one-nap schedules. And, breathe ... ahhh.

Blame it on no sleep

My little family of three spent the remainder of the weekend at our lake cabin. After a busy Saturday of working (for me) and solo-parenting (for Andi), getting there felt like a bit of a hassle but we're committed to using the cabin as much as we can this winter. Plus, Andi's work schedule is about to become crazy-busy so getting to the lake, even for one day, seems worth it.

For the last 15 minutes of our drive, I rode in the backseat with Tory to avoid a melt-down screaming session and oh man, was that a bad idea. I was so nauseous by the time we arrived! The older I get, the more car sick I become sitting in the back row of moving vehicles and it doesn't help the last few miles to the cabin are full of curvy roads. I felt progressively worse throughout the evening and finally went to sleep around 9pm.

To top it off, Tory slept like garbage Saturday night. I'm not sure if it was sleeping in a new place or her one-year molar just about to poke through her gums, but we finally brought her to bed with us around 3am (which was actually 2am with the end of Daylight Savings Time) and endured jabs to our faces from little arms and legs for the remainder of the night. At 6am, Andi and I finally got up because none of us were sleeping anyway. Our little Tory Bean was so grumpy Sunday morning. At age 14 months, she's learned how to throw a toddler tantrum and spent most of the morning rolling around on the ground and whining relentlessly.

Tory and I kept ourselves occupied in the house while Andi went outside to rake up the massive pile of leaves around the lake house. We spent most of our time on the stairs as she perfected the skill of going up and down. At home, we have stairs that are gated most of the time so when we're at the cabin, she loves to go up and down, up and down, up and down. My lack of sleep the night before made this game feel endless and no matter how many times I tried to distract her with another activity, we always found ourselves back on the stairs. So this is where we sat, for three hours.

Meanwhile, Andi was in his own personal hell, tackling the massive leaves situation outdoors. Score one point in the Do Not Own Your Own Cabin category: lawn maintenance for two properties really stinks. By the time he finished, we decided to pack up our things after lunch and head home with the hopes Tory would take her afternoon nap during the drive. Andi is not a lover of manly-men projects so he in a foul mood having finished the leaves task. I just wanted five minutes of quiet with no toddler whining. GAH.

Not a very fun-filled weekend at the cabin, unfortunately. I think we were all relieved to crawl into our beds last night and put another Daylight Savings Time behind us. That day always feels like the loooongest day of the year.

Tough Love

Sleep training is like religion or politics. It's a sensitive topic and most parents have a passionate opinion about it one way or the other. I won't be making any friends when I say I've decided it's time to start sleep training Tory. I'm sure some of you thought I should have done this a long time ago and the rest of you are cursing me under your breath for my bad parenting decision but it's time for us.

Personally, I wouldn't have felt comfortable implementing sleep training until now because I genuinely believe Tory's little tummy was crying out in hunger. There were times not so many weeks ago she guzzled her milk down at a 3AM feeding and for that reason, I have no issue getting up in the middle of the night with her. Late night feedings are part of parenting.

Recently though, I've come to the realization she's playing games with me. When she cries at night, I go into her nursery and as I approach her crib she smiles and kicks her legs back at me as if she's saying "Hooray! Mommy's here!" I change her diaper and she babbles back and me, wiggling in excitement because she knows what's next. I snuggle her in the rocking chair and as I start to nurse her, she's instantly back to sleep. The little stinker isn't hungry at all, she only wants to be cuddled back to sleep.

And if I'm being completely honest, I don't mind cuddling her to sleep once or twice at night. Especially on Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays when I haven't seen her as much as I'd like during the day, it's nice to spend some quiet snuggle time together. Lately though, a once-and-a-while wake-up (usually around Midnight and/or 3AM) has transitioned to every 1-2 hours and I started to realize someone was using Mommy as a clutch.

For the last two weeks, Tory's been putting herself to sleep at nap time so I know she capable of comforting herself. At the first sign of tiredness during the day, I lay her down in her crib and she falls fast to sleep. Sometimes it takes her a few minutes of fussing and sucking on her fingers to get there, but shortly she's off to dreamland. There's no reason she can't do the same in the middle of the night.

So last night, I decided it was time: sleep training time. Andi's working away from home for the next few days and I have the next four days off work; it's the perfect time to nip this in the bud. As tough as it is to listen to Tory fuss, it's even harder on my nerves if I'm also subjecting Andi to the misery. He works so hard and needs his sleep so I know I'll cave to Tory's late-night fussing if he's home with us. It's easier on me if I do it when it's just Tory and I.

Here's how last night went:

7:30PM - 8:00PM
Books, nurse, bedtime. Tory didn't eat very much, despite me trying to rouse her awake to take in a full feeding. She was asleep in her crib by 8:00PM.

11:00PM - 11:30PM
Tory cried from her crib. I let her fuss for a minute but the guilt of baby hunger got to me. Was she crying out because she didn't get a full feeding at 7:30PM? I got up to change and feed her. She hungrily ate and fell back asleep.

2:00AM - 2:05AM
I woke up, checked the time and realized Tory was still sleeping. Nice!

4:00AM - 4:20AM
Tory cried from her crib. I let her fuss for a minute and then decided to go in to change her diaper. As I changed her pants, she tried to eat my shirt-sleeve which made me wonder, was she hungry again? It had been 5 hours since she ate last. I decide to nurse her again. She ate and fell asleep.

6:00AM - 6:45AM
Tory cried from her crib. I decided to let her cry it out. I know she's not hungry now. Forty-five minutes of fussing / silence / pissed-off crying later, she fell back asleep on her own.

8:00AM - 8:10AM
Tory stirs from her crib, but falls back asleep.

9:00AM
Tory's up for the day!

Self-grade rating for CIO Night #1: C Average

My mental notes for tonight:

• Make sure Tory takes in a full feeding at bedtime so I don't second-guess myself whether she's hungry in the middle of the night.
• Aim for a minimum of 5-6 hours of sleep before offering to nurse. 
• Try not to change her diaper unless she really needs it.
• Work toward a consistent wake-up time / early morning feeding of 6:00AM (as this is when I need to feed her before I leave for work on Tuesdays / Wednesdays / Thursdays). 

We'll see how tonight goes ...

Rough Night

The last few nights have been rough on this ol' mama. Tory's decided she isn't a big fan of sleeping at night recently. I blame it on the dreaded 4 month sleep regression. I was sort of doubtful there was such a thing until she turned 4 months old and promptly began refusing to sleep longer than 1 1/2 - 2 hour periods at night ... now I'm hoping PRAYING this is just a phase she'll soon outgrow.

Last night went something like this:

7:30pm: Full-on meltdown. Cranky baby = stories, nurse and bedtime.

8:30pm: Andi came home from work. I stayed up and talked with him for a hour since our time together has been few and far between these days.

9:30pm: Lights out. (We're tired! Don't hate!)

11:30pm: Tory cries from her crib. I get her up, change and feed her. She falls back asleep.

12:00am: I crawl back in bed, only to have a gigantic coughing attack (I'm still battling this stupid cold). After coughing and coughing from bed, I finally get up to get a cough drop and some ice water to cool my throat. I walk around the kitchen a bit to calm my tickling throat.

12:30am: I crawl back into bed and drift off to sleep (sitting up no less, ugh!)

1:30am: Tory cries from her crib. I let her fuss to herself for a while hoping she'll go back to sleep. I know she's not hungry; she just ate two hours ago!

2:00am: Fussing turns to screaming and I finally get up with Tory. She's wide awake now and mad as all get out I left her in there so long. I change her diaper and nurse her back to sleep.

2:20am: I crawl back into bed. Cough, cough, blow my nose.

2:25am: Andi gets up. He's wide awake from all of Tory's noise. He jumps in the shower.

2:35am: I check Twitter and then fall back to sleep.

3:00am: Andi wakes me up. He's heading into the office because he can't sleep. He's got so much to do for this big work event taking place this weekend in St. Paul. He'll be working from there for the rest of the week. "See you Sunday," he says.

3:20am: I startle awake to a sound in the house. I forgot I set the dishwasher to "timed start" so it'd run in the middle of the night. Normally I wouldn't hear it, but since I'm in such a in-and-out slumber it scares me half to death. I check the time and Facebook via my cell phone. Andi posted this picture of his office. Apparently, some of his employees were burning the midnight oil when he arrived into work.

3:30am: I fall back asleep.

4:00am: Tory's awake. I listen to her fuss for a minute and then remember last time. With a glance at the clock, I realize I have to be up in less than two hours for work. I might as well go in to her nursery and soothe her back to sleep.

4:25am: I crawl back into bed and fall asleep. Dang, this mama is tired!

5:30am: My alarm sounds. Oh man, how I wish today wasn't a work day!

5:45am: I hit snooze twice and now finally force myself out of bed. No shower for me today; I'm running way behind.

6:10am: I wake Tory to nurse her before I leave for work. Normally she wakes up around 6:00am to eat but she finally decided to sleep. Silly girl!

6:30am: Out the door.

7:00am: I'm at work and it's going to be a loooong day. Need caffeine STAT.

Sleep and Rolling Over

Tory Bean rolled over for the first time last week!

Except, she hasn't done it since. She's not a big fan of laying on her tummy (says the world to me: babies usually love laying on their tummies! Well once again, mine doesn't. I must have a strange baby on my hands). I'm not too concerned about it because I know she'll eventually get there. If there's one thing I've learned about Tory, she's strong-minded like her daddy. She has to come to decisions in her own time.

So with this rolling over business, we decided to plunge into the unchartered waters of un-swaddling. Swaddled up, Tory had figured out how to rock and roll herself from back to tummy and I didn't feel comfortable chancing her rolling over in the night, even though she only did it once. The first few nights were rough. Tory woke herself up every hour and a half and I was a stammering pile of sleep-deprived mommy. But things seem to be getting better now and she's only waking up two to three times a night - which I can handle. I also think she was getting cold since her hands weren't swaddled underneath her blanket. So I started dressing her in a long-sleeve onesie underneath her jammies, turning the heat up another notch at night and leaving her bedroom door open to allow air to circulate. All of those things seem to be helping her sleep more soundly.

In the last few days, I've also realized just how quickly I jump out of bed and run to her crib in the night. When I was on maternity leave, I never minded multiple wake-ups because I could catch up on sleep throughout the day. I also didn't want to wake Andi because he had to work the next day. Plus, Tory was still a few weeks old and I didn't feel comfortable letting her cry it out. However, when I went back to work, I started to watch the overnight clock more closely (read: holy crap, I've been up every two hours and now I have to stay awake, drive to work and actually be productive for 10 hours without drowning myself in gallons of caffeine). As I watched Tory on the video monitor one night, I realized she was just stirring and fussing a bit but still sleeping. I really never watched her before, just hopped up and went to her. I talked about it with Andi and we agreed to let her fuss (not cry) herself back to sleep (when I knew she wasn't hungry) to see how many times she'd actually wake up. "Don't worry about me!" said Andi as stuffed in earplugs into his ears. Gee, thanks honey.

Honestly though, Tory's sleep patterns have become better every day. I feel good about dropping the swaddle. We're well on our way to a happy, sleeping, roly poly baby.