Down and Out

I'm usually all about my four day weekends with Tory, but for some reason I've just been "off" the last few days. It's the first time since I became a mom I just wanted to curl up in bed and veg out on TV. I suspect it's because I caught a nasty cold this week so naturally the last thing I feel like doing is snuggling all over Tory. In fact, I'm trying to do the opposite by NOT kissing her head a million times and letting her suck on my hands which she loves to do right now. My head feels like it's full of seventy-million pounds of goo and I can't take anything for it since I'm nursing (unless one of you knows something I don't know in which case, please share)!

Andi's been putting in some crazy long hours the last few weeks for another big work project. I know I shouldn't be so whoa-is-me about him working all the time. He is, after all, working to provide for our family and it's a GOOD THING his business is thriving so well. But it gets old reminding myself that when he leaves every morning before Tory and I are awake, comes home every night after we're in bed and works weekends too. I suppose I should shut it since he's the one who's ACTUALLY WORKING but sometimes I feel frustrated and this is my place to brain dump, so there. It's just ... we miss him.

Tory wasn't feeling too hot this weekend either. Baby girl got 4 shots at her 4 month check-up on Friday. Poor thing has wanted to snuggle up all weekend and unfortunately, that's the last thing I want to do - infest her with my cold.

Aside from the shots, Tory is the picture of health. She now weighs 13lbs (33 percentile) and 24 inches long. She only grew 1/2 inch according to the doctor's office but the doctor wasn't worried. He said "babies are wiggly and it's hard to get a good reading sometimes." I know she's grown more than that based on the ways her clothes fit (some 3-6 months clothes are already too short; others are fine) so I think they may have measured incorrectly at her 2 month check-up.

The doctor recommended we start Tory on some sort of vitamin supplement that includes fluoride, or start giving her some tap water which includes fluoride. Anyone else heard of this? My mom was excited we got the OK to give Tory water now as she thinks I'm a meanie parent for depriving her of water this long anyway. I know a little water won't hurt her, but I just thought it was odd. I haven't read or seen that anywhere else. Anyway, we'll give her a little and see what she thinks.

Baby's up and I'm off to feed her ....

Guess Who's Back?

So I, um, got my period.

I was pretty shocked to wake up yesterday to the arrival of good ol' Aunt Flow. I haven't seen her since October 2010 and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little surprised by her arrival. I'm exclusively breastfeeding and just about everyone I know who nurses their baby had to all but stop doing so in order for their cycles to return to normal. I suspect mine is early for one of two reasons:

1. After doing some online reading, (where would I be without BabyCenter?) it could be because Tory has recently started sleeping through the night. Well, not ALL NIGHT, but close. Lately, she's in bed by 9:00pm and sleeping straight through until 4:00am. After a quick feeding, she's back to sleep until 8:00am. We've had a few blessed nights of 9:00pm - 6:00am sleep and a few regressive 9:00pm - 3:00am / 3:30am - 6:00am / 6:30am - 9:00am nights as well. So, losing a feeding or two overnight could have caused my body to resume its menses. Or ...

2. Three weeks ago at my postpartum check-up, I decided to have the Mirena IUD implanted. I was all wishy-washy about what method of birth control I wanted to pursue, but ultimately decided some form of birth control was right for us ... at least for the time being. The idea of being pregnant at this very moment sort of throws me into a panic attack. I thought about taking my temps again but charting everyday (and obsessing over it like I did when we were trying to conceive) sounded liked a lot of work. So! An IUD it was.

Well, until it started to cause problems. Two weeks ago, I made an appointment with my OBGYN to have the IUD adjusted and it still wasn't any better. Let me side-step to remind you my sweet little Tory Girl still HATES her car seat and screams bloody murder every time she's in it. So a 30 minute drive to the doctor's office across town and through brutal I-94 construction isn't exactly something I enjoy doing every week. I could either have the IUD adjusted again which would likely mean I'd have to have a small same-day surgery to have it removed when we are ready to try for a baby again, or I could take it out now and go on the "mini pill," a progesterone-only birth control pill. I chose the mini pill. I am not going back to the doctor for the FOURTH TIME in four weeks.

I'm one of the lucky ones who's never had any issues with the standard birth control pill, so I had a few questions about how the mini pill was to be administered, and how it would affect by ability to nurse. My OBGYN was vague when answering my questions, only stressing I let her know as soon as I stop breastfeeding so I can switch to a combination progesterone / estrogen birth control pill. OK but, I still had questions...

I went to Walgreens to pick up my prescription and asked to speak to the pharmacist. A male pharmacist walks over (oh, great) and I asked him my questions.

ME: "Do I start taking this on a Sunday like the other birth control pill?"

PHARMACIST: "Yep." (Without even looking to see which type of birth control pill I was referring to).

ME: "Is this similar to the standard 28-day pill?"

PHARMACIST: "Um ..." (rips open drugstore package) "Yep, 28 pills here."

ME: "This is the progesterone-only pill. Is there anything special I need to know about this type of pill vs. the standard combination pill?"

PHARMACIST: "Ummm..." (Looks at package) "Nope, take one every day."

Thanks, buddy. Very reassuring. It's one thing to screw with my own body, but since another human being (my child!) solely relies on the things I ingest, I'd kind of like to be sure I do it right. Oh, and also there's the fact that another human being could be conceived if I screw it up!

So, I went home and googled "mini pill" to find the answers myself. AM SO THANKFUL I DID! Good lord. Apparently, this pill is less effective than other birth control methods because it contains progesterone only. It works by thickening the lining of the cervix to stop sperm from traveling to the fallopian tubes (not sure if anyone else cares about the logistics, but I found it interesting). Therefore, the mini pill is only effective for about 4-22 hours. It's vital it be consumed at exactly the same time everyday to ensure its effectiveness. (For example, if I take the pill at 9:00pm and have sex at 10:00pm it may not be in effect yet). Also, should my period resume (which is has) I should continue to take the mini pill every day, even through my period. There are no placebo pills in this version.

Uh ... HELLO! INFORMATION I THINK WOULD HAVE BEEN NICE TO LEARN ABOUT FROM SOMEWHERE OTHER THAN THE INTERNET!

So, all this to say I believe my period started as a result of stopping the IUD and waiting a few days before starting the mini pill (I start it on Sunday). I can't say I'm all that confident in this method, but it's really my only option since the IUD was problematic and I can't take a combination birth control pill until after I'm done nursing. I guess there's always condoms, but I'm not sure my husband will be thrilled about that option. So! I best be setting an alarm every day to take this darn mini pill. And if I tell you we're expecting far sooner than you think I should be, than (surprise!) I wasn't all that good at it.

Birth Control: To Be or Not To Be

A few days after I had Tory, I received a call from my OBGYN clinic inviting me to schedule a 6-week postpartum check-up. I happily did so over the phone (because I absolutely HATE doing things like calling to make appointments - I know, weird but for some reason I get all anxious-pants when I have to call and check into things, make appointments, etc. and I procrastinate until the very last minute. It drives my husband crazy).

Anyway ... while on the phone, the nurse asked what birth control method I was considering and I found this a little odd, to be honest. What business is it of the clinic's? Plus, this was the second time in a few days (as I had just been discharged from the hospital) someone had asked me about birth control methods post-baby. The other time was the morning after delivery when one of the attending physicians asked me in the hospital. I had to wonder - is the medical field that hard up for money they want me to jump back on birth control (specifically with a costly IUD, which is what both of them suggested in our conversations) or is it procedurally required they recommend birth control following a baby for health reasons (ie: to eliminate the risk of having multiple pregnancies back-to-back)?

To be honest, I wasn't sure what method was best for us. I'd been on The Pill (Ortho Try-Cyclen's generic) since I was 16 (not because I was sexually active, but because my parents felt it better to be prepared than to have a teenager with an unplanned pregnancy). So that was that and I never had any issues with it, or taking The Pill daily for that matter, for the lengthy 15 years I was on it.

It wasn't until Andi and I were ready to start trying for baby I realized how altering birth control is to a woman's body. Last November, I went off The Pill and started following the Fertility Awareness Method (FAM) by taking my temperature every morning and charting it as so to predict ovulation. We were one of the lucky ones; a month later, I was pregnant.

One thing I realized when observing the Fertility Awareness Method (or rather, just going off birth control all together) was just how much I didn't know about my own body. I vaguely remember a high school health class or two discussing the female anatomy, but I can't say I ever retained any of that information. I was too busy making googly eyes at the boy sitting next to me! I also didn't realize just how powerful birth control hormones really are. I mean, wow, I took a pill every day for 15 years and never got pregnant. I stopped taking said "pill" for TEN DAYS and got pregnant. Whoa.

So, the big question before me - what birth control method is right for me now? Andi didn't seem to care much other than stressing that I physically BE on some sort of birth control. He isn't ready to put his faith in the FAM method (or in my ability to track ovulation) apparently. This left me to make the decision on my own and part of me felt scared to resume the entrance of such powerful, artificial hormone(s) into my body. But ... and that's a big BUT ... the other part of me is really nervous to get pregnant again. I know we'll have another baby someday, but I'm not ready for that day to be today.  Likely I would have a hard time conceiving anyway since I'm nursing, but I know this can't be relied on either.

After talking it over with my doctor, I decided to get the Mirena IUD. I hope I made the right decision. Everything sounded peachy when I was at the appointment and the little IUD was conveniently laying on the table, ready to be inserted. I liked the idea of not having periods (or very little) and the idea of not having to run to the pharmacy every month (again, I HATE calling things in and I always find myself scrambling at the last second to pick up my prescription). She made it sound so simple - when we'd like to try for another baby I just make an appointment, she removes the IUD and we're ready to start trying.

Isn't it funny how you hear about something EVERYWHERE you turn when it's happening in your life? Like breaking up with a boyfriend only to see his car or hear his name mentioned in every conversation. I've heard such negative press about the IUD since my appointment. And, uh, too late - I already got it. Some say it's the most painful procedure to have completed (although I hardly felt any pain at all - this is because I'm postpartum and my cervix is still soft) and how many crazy side effects people had once on it (mood swings, depression, etc). It's all making me very nervous to have entered into the world of birth control again.

Seriously, how did guys get off so easy?

5 week stats (and the dreaded 6th)

My baby is 5 weeks old! Seriously, where does the time go?

Andi and I took Tory to her 1 month doctor's appointment yesterday. It was a particularly uneventful appointment since everything is going so well with her growth and development. Above anything, I was anxious to see how much she's grown since her appointment four weeks ago.

Tory's 1 month stats:

9 lbs 8 oz (50th percentile)
21 1/2 inches long (75th percentile)

The doctor said she is a perfect baby. We couldn't agree more.

We did have a few "first time parent" questions. I say that because I'm fairly sure the doctor was thinking it as we asked them. We inquired about the gunk that accumulates in her neck everyday (it stinks!). Her neck rolls are a pain to keep clean. But he said we were doing everything right and to continue doing what we're doing. We also asked about a film that's been covering her right eye for the last few days. The doctor freaked Andi out when he asked if we had herpes and should have her treated for some herpes eye infection (news flash: we don't so she doesn't). He told us to watch it and see if it moves (and is likely eye gunk) or if it doesn't move (and is some sort of scratch or disease). Turns out, the crying session Tory entertained herself with while we were stuck in traffic yesterday washed it away. It was in fact eye gunk as we suspected. Oh the joys of first-time parenting. Andi was literally ready to take her to a pediatric optometrist!

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I have my own six-week postpartum appointment on Tuesday. I'm all sorts of nervous for it. It's not that I don't feel fine (I do); it's the double-wammie blessing to resume sex and exercise I'm dreading. GULP. Wish me luck. I'm suppose every new mama has to jump back into reality ... eventually.

I've also got a few questions of my own, including one about my milk supply. I have one breast which is  larger than the other (which I think is fairly common) but the larger one produces far more milk than the other. My baby's obviously not starving (see growth stats above) but I'm concerned she's not getting any milk (or over little) from the smaller side. When I pump, I get far fewer ounces on that side as well. We'll see what the doctor has to say. Until then, I'm making it my mission to do my own home remedies - drinking lots of water, Mother's Milk tea and treating myself to a beer at night.

Cause for concern?

If there's one area Andi and I differ, it's about going to the doctor.

I hate going. Actually, I despise it. And Andi? I swear he goes at the sign of the sniffles.

Thailand was the only time this difference has come to bite me in the ass. Day 7(ish) of our honeymoon, Andi came down with what can only be described as the worst flu/bacterial infection known to man. I shrieked when he mentioned the idea of going to a Thai doctor for antibiotics. After all, these are the same doctors who advertise general practice, boob jobs and transgender reassignment all in one place! My gut says, not a logical solution. While Andi laid in bed for the remainder of our honeymoon in absolute agony, I rolled my eyes and wished he wouldn't be so dramatic. Yeah, it turns out he really was deathly ill and should have seen a doctor. Or so the American doctor said 30 minutes after we arrived home. Easy to say that in hindsight ...

So, yes, I've been wrong before when it comes to letting the sickness ride.

And then there's this.

I told you how I had the flu this weekend. Body aches, headache and a killer side pain that just won't stop. Well, unless you count the times I've taken an absorbent number of Ibuprofen over the last 5 days ... and even I'm starting to think it's getting excessive. Today I do feel better overall, but I'm still a little dizzy and the side pain is still hanging on.

So I Googled "what is the cause of pain on my right side" and this is what the all mighty Internet said:

#1. Ouch! A sharp side pain can be a sign of a variety of medical conditions ranging from simple trapped gas to serious conditions requiring surgery such as appendicitis. Consult a doctor immediately if symptoms persist.

#2. Side pain that occurs on the right side can be a sign of appendicitis, particularly if it's associated with nausea, vomiting, and fever. Because appendicitis is a condition that requires surgery, time is of essence and you should be seen by a doctor immediately.

#3. Unique to women, sharp side pain can be the presence of an ectopic pregnancy. If you are pregnant, or think you might be, see a doctor immediately.

#4. Sharp side pain in a woman can also be caused by the presence of an ovarian cyst that ruptures. For this reason, always see your doctor if you have side pain with vaginal bleeding.

#5. Other conditions that can cause sharp side pain are the presence of a kidney stone. Chronic sharp side pains can also be caused by an undiagnosed colon cancer or inflammatory bowel disease. If this sounds like you, see a doctor immediately.

#6. Although sharp side pains can simply mean you need a dose of Gas-X, don't ever make this assumption. Sharp side pain that lasts for more than a few hours should always be evaluated by a doctor.

Source: www.ehow.com

Well, chalk one up for Andi. Looks like I'll be visiting the doctor on Friday. Let's just hope #1-6 doesn't happen this week while I'm traveling for work. Eeeek!

It all started with Eve and that damn piece of fruit.

And now, a gazillion years later, we women are still takin' it in the pants.  There's a lot of stress that goes into being a woman. The other day, I went to the women's health clinic for my annual exam. It's one of those things all girls have to do and I get why, but I absolutely dread going there. It starts with the waiting room and all the, well, waiting that happens. The more I sit there, the more tense and stressed I become. The nurse finally calls you back and asks you to step on the scale. With all my clothes on and my winter boots (which drives me crazy because that's about 10 extra pounds than my actual weight). DON'T WRITE THAT IN MY CHART! Too late. Now I'm 10 pounds heavier. Awesome.

Then she leads me back to the exam room where I wait patiently for the doctor to come in. By the time she gets there, I'm literally near tears because I'm so worked up. The older I get, and the closer the time comes to when we'll be trying to have a baby, the more anxiety I have about these appointments. I don't know why, but I'm desperately afraid I won't be able to get pregnant someday. I worry about this every.single.day. I have absolutely no reason to suspect it'll be hard for me as I've never actually tried to get pregnant (in fact, I've spend the last 8ish years trying to prevent it). And we're not even in the place where we're trying yet. Maybe it'll be super easy, who knows. But maybe it'll be super, super hard and we'll try for years and years to no avail. And here I am getting all worked up just thinking about it. This is my single biggest fear in life: to not be able to get pregnant.

I think if I had a doctor that remembered who I was, and actually seemed to give two craps when I ask questions about my body, my history or future pregnancies, I'd feel better. It makes me nervous when I have to tell her repeatedly about my chart; so much so that I've taken to researching everything she says on WedMD immediately following the visit. I get that she probably has thousands of patients and can't remember everyone but could she please read up on me before entering the room? That'd make me feel sooo much better, thanks.

I don't know what the real answer to this anxiety is. I guess when the time comes, we'll see what happens. And I know that God has a plan for Andi and I; everything will work out, it always does. Do any of you have this feeling? Sometimes I feel like I'm out on this island all by myself.

Shiny spot in a normally unpleasant experience

Disclaimer: TMI post? Maybe (but not too bad). Read with caution :)

I went to my female annual exam today. Everything went fine, or as fine as those things tend to go. But one thing happened that I've waited my whole life to say. When the doctor asked me about my sexual history (one of the most uncomfortable situations a woman can be in, I think), I was able to say MARRIED! ... which sounds a whole lot less trashy than previous answers of eh, well, uh ... I have a boyfriend. But that's not the exciting part. Next when the questions about pregnancy and children came up, I happily stated "well, we maaayyy be trying within the next year" ... which was such an exhilerating thing to say - outloud, in a real doctor's professional setting! Truthfully, we may or may not be, but now that I'm married I'm finally in a place where I could utter those few sweet-sounding words. I called Andi right away when I got in the car to share my excitement. He didn't sound so amused and when into some schpeal about women and turning 30 and why do women on the cusp of turning 30 always want to get pregnant ... yada, yada, yada. Boys just don't understand. I, however, see a cute little baby in my not-so-distant future which is the best darn feeling in the whole wide world.