And now, a gazillion years later, we women are still takin' it in the pants. There's a lot of stress that goes into being a woman. The other day, I went to the women's health clinic for my annual exam. It's one of those things all girls have to do and I get why, but I absolutely dread going there. It starts with the waiting room and all the, well, waiting that happens. The more I sit there, the more tense and stressed I become. The nurse finally calls you back and asks you to step on the scale. With all my clothes on and my winter boots (which drives me crazy because that's about 10 extra pounds than my actual weight). DON'T WRITE THAT IN MY CHART! Too late. Now I'm 10 pounds heavier. Awesome.
Then she leads me back to the exam room where I wait patiently for the doctor to come in. By the time she gets there, I'm literally near tears because I'm so worked up. The older I get, and the closer the time comes to when we'll be trying to have a baby, the more anxiety I have about these appointments. I don't know why, but I'm desperately afraid I won't be able to get pregnant someday. I worry about this every.single.day. I have absolutely no reason to suspect it'll be hard for me as I've never actually tried to get pregnant (in fact, I've spend the last 8ish years trying to prevent it). And we're not even in the place where we're trying yet. Maybe it'll be super easy, who knows. But maybe it'll be super, super hard and we'll try for years and years to no avail. And here I am getting all worked up just thinking about it. This is my single biggest fear in life: to not be able to get pregnant.
I think if I had a doctor that remembered who I was, and actually seemed to give two craps when I ask questions about my body, my history or future pregnancies, I'd feel better. It makes me nervous when I have to tell her repeatedly about my chart; so much so that I've taken to researching everything she says on WedMD immediately following the visit. I get that she probably has thousands of patients and can't remember everyone but could she please read up on me before entering the room? That'd make me feel sooo much better, thanks.
I don't know what the real answer to this anxiety is. I guess when the time comes, we'll see what happens. And I know that God has a plan for Andi and I; everything will work out, it always does. Do any of you have this feeling? Sometimes I feel like I'm out on this island all by myself.