Tory-isms

I don't have a favorite child, but I will admit I'm often more smitten with one of my kids over the other. Right now, it's Tory. She's so sweet and helpful most of the time, and downright comical. I can't get enough of her.

That's not to say I don't love Aden a whole bunch ... because I do! His current Terrible Two's meets Walking Tornado stage, however, might be why I'm exhausted just thinking about him.

Anyway, back to Tory. She's a kill. Here's a few "Tory-isms" as of late:

------

Andi, watching Deadliest Catch on television as Tory walked by:

Tory: "Holy crap, that's a big fish!"

Now, this might not seem all that funny as stated. You have to imagine the words said in Tory's cute little voice, so it was more like "Ho-we crap!" We'd also never heard her say a bad word before, so it caught Andi and I by surprise. We couldn't help but laugh.

------

Tory and I were saying prayers together one night while Andi was traveling in Tennessee and Louisiana on business:

Me: "... and watch over Daddy in Louisiana."

Tory (with a quizzical look): "Wait, he moved?"

I know, Tory, I have a hard time keeping up with his travel schedule too.

-----

Andi: "Are you throwing me under the bus?"

Tory: "No, Dad! I'm not strong enough yet."

------

Walking in a busy parking lot with cars tailing us:

Me: "Hurry up, Tory!"

Tory (annoyed): "I told you several times, I live slowly."

------

Upon sight of Nickelodeon's Little Charmers costume characters at the Minnesota State Fair:

Tory (with wide eyes): "I wasn't expected them to be so big."

She muttered that phrase over and over again for abut 20 minutes afterwards.

------

In the children's area of the library:

Tory: "Mom, come look, I have something fascinating to show you!"

------

My brother's girlfriend brought a hammock to the cabin over Labor Day weekend:

Tory: "Carley, can I use your hammond please?"

------

One weekend this summer, we were swimming in the lake and Tory flipped under the water. She was okay, but drank in some lake water and it caused her to vomit.

The second after she threw up in the lake, about 30 sunfish swarmed around her and started eating the floating vomit.

Tory (stunned): "I wasn't expecting that to happen!"

Neither were we; it was pretty gross, but what made the situation funny was that afterwards Tory repeated that phrase over and over again. Now whenever something doesn't go as planned, Andi and I always say in our best Tory impression, "I wasn't expecting that to happen!"

------

Over Labor Day weekend, I commented how heavy my heart felt since the summer season was coming to a close.

Tory: "Mom, your heart doesn't have to be high because it's not summer anymore. There's only two more times and then it'll be summer again!"

Ugh, I wish kid.

------

Just before Tory's 4th birthday, she was talking about how she'd soon be four-years-old and then five, six, seven, etc. I responded with something like, "I don't want you to grow up too quickly!"

Now every so often she'll turn to me and say, "Don't worry, Mom, I'll always be your baby."

Oh, sweet girl. You melt my heart.

------

Tory was making a craft at the counter and Aden was making noise with a toy nearby in the living room.

Tory (annoyed): "While Aden's being so noisy, it's hard for me to enjoy this!"

*Tory is 4 years old

Tory-isms

Age Three is a wild ride.

Three is whiny and demanding one minute, and silly and sweet the next.

Three tells jokes, but misconstrues the punchline.

Three's ears are always listening (even when Three pretends they aren't), and pipes in from the backseat to add her own two cents into a conversation.

Three is smart, sensitive and compassionate, swelling her parent's hearts with pride and providing subtle reassurance they're doing alright by her.

Here's a few Tory-ism's from the last few months:

------

Mispronunciations

Christmas stockings = "boots"

Snow White & the Seven Dwarves = "White Snow"

Chick-fil-A restaurant = "Chicken-fil-A," and it remains her favorite

Oatmeal = "oat-milk"

------

(on December 2, running down the hallway that morning)

Tory: "Awww! No presents under the tree yet!"

------

Andi: "I love you more than ice cream."

Tory: "I love you more than tomatoes." (said in a British Peppa Pig voice)

------

(turning Cinderella on the iPad)

Tory: "Just give it to me, Mom, I'm kind of an expert."

------

(a very tired Tory, as she's being loaded into her car seat)

Tory: "Dad, I'm going to freak out because I need a show and a snack."

------

(At bedtime)

Tory: "Mom, will you stay with me?"

Me: "No."

Tory: "Then, I'm going to throw a tantrum!"

------

(at dinnertime)

Grandma Janie: "Tory, do you want an applesauce?"

Tory: "No, I'm allergic."

Grandma Janie: "No you're not!"

Tory: "Okay, I just don't want any."

------

Tory: "Oh, Aden, you grembalin!" (gremlin)

------

(carrying Tory through the airport)

Me: "Tory, I've got to put you down for a while. My arm feels like it's going to pull out of the socket."

(later ... )

Tory: "Mom, is your arm out of socks?"

------

(nearly every night before bedtime)

Tory: "Is it too late to watch one itsy bitsy short show?"

------

(getting Tory dressed for the day)

Andi: "Come on, Tory, get your head in the game!"

Tory: "Get your eye in the game!"

*Tory is 3 years, 6 months

Tory-isms

Time for another installment of "The Funny Things Tory Says" ....

------

We were at the cabin a few weeks ago with our friends Josh and Krista, and their daughters Hannah and Kate. Tory and Hannah share a love / hate relationship with one another and play fabulously together ... well, until they don't anymore. It should also come as no surprise that Tory is the "leader" of the two girls. She likes to tell Hannah what to do and for the most part, Hannah follows orders.

On this day, Tory and Hannah were playing together in the backyard while the adults chatted nearby on the deck. The girls seemed to be having fun together as Tory directed Hannah to drag two plastic kids Adirondack chairs over to a big rock in the yard. They lounged in their pint-sized chairs with their feet propped up on the rock until suddenly Hannah stomped over to the deck and shouted, "No!" in tears. We asked Tory what was the matter and she said Hannah was mad because she didn't want to play "toenail shop" anymore. Apparently, Tory had directed Hannah to pretend to paint her toenails using a stick and Hannah had had enough of that business.

Just a few days earlier, I had taken Tory to get our first mother/daughter pedicure at a nail shop by our house. It must've made quite the impression on Tory because she was attempting to role play the scenario with her friend. I, personally, found this to be hilarious. Some kids pretend to cook in the kitchen or take their baby dolls for a walk (and Tory does those things, too), but the fact Tory decided to "play" pedicures with Hannah? Totally awesome, comical ... and truly, quite princess-y. She is 100% my daughter.

------

(To Andi at nap time one afternoon)

Tory: "Who stinks, me or you? Eww, I think it's you."

------

(After mastering potty-training success of the bowel variety)

Tory: "I must be poopy-trained!"

------

(Watching a Dora the Explorer commercial on television)

Tory: "Is this an 'on one' or an 'off one'?"

*She's still confused when television commercials play previews of her favorite shows.

------

(Me, responding to one of the questions posed in a television kids' show)

Tory (annoyed): "Mom! They can't hear you; they live in the T.V."

*Proper Tory pronunciation of T.V.: tee-bee

------

Me: "Tory, what would you like for lunch?"

Tory: "A duck sandwich would be lovely."

*To clarify, that's a regular PB&J sandwich cut into a duck shape, not actually a duck sandwich. 

------

(Following her Aunt Lindsay's wedding weekend where Tory served as flower girl)

Tory: "When Lindsay gets married next day, can I be the flower girl?"

*I try to explain to Tory that people typically only marry once and Lindsay won't be having another wedding, but she refuses to take 'no' for an answer. I finally agree that, sure, at Lindsay's next wedding she can be the flower girl.

------

We saw my brother, Adam, recently during a visit to the lake cabin over Tory's birthday weekend. We don't see Adam often because he lives in Nebraska and is a young 20's-something guy with more pressing things to do than hang out with family all the time. Anyway, Adam is always sweet with Tory and helped her reach a helium birthday balloon that had floated to the ceiling. At 6'4", Adam's height must've WOW'd Tory because she now refers to him as the biggest guy she's ever known.

Tory (to me): "When I get huge like my Uncle Adam, I can wear shoes like you."

------

I was unloading the dishwasher the other night and dropped one of Andi's bar glasses from a high shelf. It hit the floor and shattered in a million pieces, one of which sliced a huge gash in the top of my foot. It didn't hurt much at the time but bled like crazy, so I hopped over to the Johnny Jump-Up to contain Aden while I tackled the mess. Tory was pre-occupied in the next room eating her dinner and watching Dora; I didn't think she even noticed what was happening in the kitchen. A few minutes later, Andi walked in the door to complete chaos: blood and glass all over the floor, a limping wife and a screaming baby in the baby gadget. He cleaned up the mess while I tended to Aden and my foot, and Tory continued to go on eating, un-phased, in the next room.

Cut to the next day as Tory, Aden and I were driving home from preschool. Tory says to me frankly, "I told Miss Janna you cut your foot on your wine glass."

Um, what?

Kid, that's not what happened! Truly. It was a bar glass, and it was empty. I was unloading the dishwasher! Alright, I do enjoy a glass of wine in the evenings so I can see where Tory might be confused. But, seriously, no alcohol involved.

I think we're entering into that stage in parenting where no household story is kept secret. Yikes.

Tory-isms

Tory Girl says the darndest things and leaves Andi and I in stitches daily. When Tory, Aden and I traveled back to Nebraska this past week, several family members commented how they couldn't wait to "hear Tory's little voice." I think it's because she's such a tiny girl who says the biggest, grown-up phrases. Everyone gets a kick out of listening to what she'll say next. Here's some recent Tory-ism's:

------

(Reading books to Tory at nap time, with my face close to hers)

Tory: "Mom, you have dragon breath."

-----

Me: "Tory, are you done with your breakfast?"

Tory: "I totally full of toast."

------

(In the locker room before swimming class, dancing around wearing a hooded towel like a cape)

Me: "Hocus pocus! Can you cast a magic spell?"

Tory: "Mom! I don't have my magic wand!'

------

(This spring, a batch of sugar ants were coming into the house by the front door. Tory was beside herself about ants being indoors.)

Tory: (in a sheer panic) "Mom! How did marching ants get in here?"

(I bought a few ant bait traps and our little ant problem was solved. A few days later, Tory left a half-eaten cookie on the floor of her room.)

Me: "Tory! This is why you can't walk around with food. Now there's ants in your room."

Tory: (astonished) "There's marching ants in my room. I can't believe it."

------

(This is a common phrase for Tory, but one instance lately was when I accidentally pinched Tory's leg with the buckle of her car seat)

Tory: "Ow! You have to watch out for people!"

------

(Throwing small toys into the air)

Tory: "I can easily juggle."

------

(First thing out of Tory's mouth every morning)

Tory: "I have energy!"

(or, alternatively before nap time)

Tory: "I need to charge my batteries."

------

(Offering to share a bite of food)

Me: "No, thanks."

Tory: "Okay, tell me you want one."

------

(Nana Candy asked Tory if she needed a diaper change)

Tory: "I don't know, check if I have a blue line."

(and a few days prior when Grandma Janie asked Tory if she pooped)

Tory: "I don't know, smell my butt."

------

Me: "Phew, I'm pooped." (from exhaustion)

Tory: (with jaw-dropped) "You pooped?!"

Tory-isms

One of my favorite things about Age 2 1/2 is language development. Tory cracks me up on a daily basis. Sometimes, it's not even the phrase she said that's so funny, but the fact that such a little person is saying such a grown up thing.

Here's some classic Tory-isms lately:

------

Me: Ah, man! I can't believe it's snowing again.

Tory: (shrugs shoulders in an off-handed way) We have a lot. Sorry.

------

Me: (coughs)

Tory: Sounds like you need go to doctor.

------

Tory: What you doing?

Me: I have to put this medicine on Aden's rash.

Tory: (sounding exasperated) I sure hope this works.

------

Tory: Mom, can we go on abenture today?

-------

Tory: Do you want some?

Me: No thanks.

Tory: Okay, tell me you want one.

------

(unexpectedly finding a toy in the bathtub)

Tory: Molly? That's weird.

------

(during a dinner conversation between Andi and I)

Tory: Hmm. Uh huh.

------

(attempting to comfort Aden crying from his swing)

Tory: Mom, I try my best.

------

(whining before nap time)

Tory: I want my mom!

Me: I am your mom.

Tory: I want my dad!

------

(stalling before nap time)

Me: Tory, put down the toy phone.

Tory: I just texting.