Life Before Blogging: How We Met

I came across some old photos, and thought it might be fun to write about my favorite memories in the days before Live Inside My Bubble blog. I can't count the number of times I've looked back in my archives to remember what I did for my birthday last year, or to relive amazing vacations of the past. I love how my blog is the living diary of our life -- from a newly engaged couple in 2009, to new parents in 2011, to a family of four in 2013. I have only my memories and a few books of photographs to help me recall the 20+ years of life before I started writing everything down. So like everything these days, I want to document those old memories here to 'preserve them' in diary form. My brain is fuzzy on many of the details, but time marches on and that won't get any better. If nothing else, trips down memory lane are fun to remember.

Here's the story of how Andi and I met:

It was 2004, and Andi and I both worked for the same energy drink company. He was a marketing manager in Minnesota, and I held the same position for North & South Dakota. We were both in our early 20's and living the dream really, with little responsibility and awesome (super easy!) careers to boot. At the time we thought parts of our jobs were tedious or difficult, but looking back OMG we had it made in the shade. Most of our co-workers were also in their 20's and 30's, and the company culture breathed excitement.

In August of that year, managers from our regional area traveled to Denver for business meetings. I was fairly new to the position and hadn't met many of the out-of-state managers yet. Andi introduced himself to me on the 16th Street trolley as we both rode the bus to our downtown Denver office. I'm not sure how he identified me as a manager in the company and not some random girl on a bus, but I do remember exactly what he was wearing (white button-down shirt, light wash boot-cut jeans) and how easy it was to talk with him. Of course, part of our conversation was about my then-boyfriend which Andi teases me about to this day. If only fate would've jumped out and slugged me in the arm when it was clear I'd be embarrassing my future self!

During those few days of meetings in Denver, I watched as Andi lead our peers through his presence. He was the first one to step up and take charge of any situation -- from coordinating taxis at dinner to herding our group through the airport. When Andi spoke, people listened. He was smart and witty and genuine. I make him sound like some sort of work celebrity, but he really was inspiring! I completely adored him from the beginning.

This is one of my most treasured photographs of Andi from the first time we met. Flip phone, crisp white shirt, crazy long (for Andi) hair -- I love it all. Is it strange I want to reach out and touch that man in the photo? He gives me instant butterflies with so much anticipation for the wonderful times ahead.

One of our first photos together - August 2004

Andi and I were friends, teaming up for occasionally projects and events as we managed territories in bordering states. About a year later in the summer of 2005, we co-hosted a team-builidng event for our employees in Stillwater, MN. I think it may have been my first time visiting the Twin Cities.

It's funny to think about a time we didn't snap a million photos of the training exercises, our group dinners, the parties after hours. I wish I'd done a better job of transferring files between work computers back then as there has to be more photographs of those times.

Anyway... late one night during that meeting in Stillwater, Andi and I sat in the hallway between our two hotel rooms and talked into the early morning hours. He told me years later that he'd liked me then and I teased him for not making a move. Of course, we were both in relationships with other people at the time. 

That meeting sparked a deeper relationship between Andi and I. He mailed me burned CDs of Gavin DeGraw and Jack Johnson music to listen to in my home office, and our work conversations over the phone quickly transpired into multiple-hour personal chats.

By Halloween, Andi broke up with his then-girlfriend and by Thanksgiving I'd dumped my then-boyfriend. We didn't immediately start dating each other, but deep down Andi and I both knew there was something special between us.

When I Grow Up

Tory and I were watching PBS' Dinosaur Train the other day and I remembered my childhood aspiration to be an archaeologist when I grew up. When I was little, we'd visit the local Children's Museum and there was a dinosaur fossil table kids could dig and find fossils (which in hindsight I realize was likley sand and rocks). Of course, I never grew up to be an archaeologist because math and science are not my bag, but it got me thinking about what I want to do when my career as a stay-at-home-ends.

Financially permitting, I plan to be a stay-at-home-mom for several more years, so it's not like this decision is pressing by any means. I'd like to have the opportunity to raise my kids at home until the youngest child enters school full-time. Then I envision myself re-joining the work force. With all this contemplation, I realized I'll have the unique opportunity to reinvent myself and start down a completely new career path if I choose. 

As a (future) 40-something woman... what do I want to be when I grow up (again)?

If I had to decide today, I don't think I'd go back into Marketing. Strange, I know, because it comes to me like second nature. There's little math involved (which is good because I stink at it) and the only science is the skill of bull-shitting. Ha! I like to write, so I could do something similar to my old job where I wrote many internal reports and publications. For some reason though, that sounds as exciting as watching paint dry.

In recent years, I've developed an interest in the environment and as my past employer's sustainability leader, I have some experience influencing the corporate world in this area. Andi often says I should be an environmental consultant and then I could work from home/set my own hours/projects base, but I don't know.... I'd definitely need to go back to school and obtain some sort of degree in sustainability.

Having recently experienced pregnancy and child birth, working as a Labor and Delivery Nurse sounds intriguing. There's the part about math and science which would be needed to get the degree to do the job, so that's likely a big fat NO. As amazing as helping parents through the life-changing experience of having a baby sounds, I also imagine it would be a pretty tough job to assist families who don't show great care for their babies or worse, the event of infant death or tragedy.

I also think Massage Therapy sounds interesting, but I know my husband would say I give the worst massages in the world. Also, touching icky people would be ... icky.

I'd love to become a Graphic Designer and have the ability to use my creative side with my Marketing background. I don't think I'd want to work for an advertising agency, but maybe a company where I'd design internal pieces like brochures, flyers, etc. On a personal side, it'd be nice to have design skills to use on party invites and household projects.  

When I was little, I also wanted to be a Meteorologist. Again with the math and science thing ... so, probably not.

Sometimes, I think I want a mind-less job where I could just show up, do the work and come home without feeling like work was following me. Wouldn't it be nice to report to work at 8:00am and punch out at 5:00pm, leaving it all behind? Then again, I wouldn't have the flexibility of my past jobs where I could leave work early for appointments or come in later when needed. I guess there's benefits to jobs in both worlds.

It feels crazy to have this "pause" in my career to care for my kid(s). I love what I'm doing today, but I can't help but wonder what's in store for tomorrow.

Heather the Homemaker

I was at the bank the other day and the banker asked me to update my account information. "Do you still work at XYZ Company," he asked? "No," I replied, "I'm a Stay-At-Home-Mom now" as I gave Tory a big ole' squeeze signifying just how lucky I am. The banker updated my information, then asked me to review it in the system. It was in that moment I saw my new job title staring back at me:

Heather LastName
Occupation: Homemaker

Homemaker? For real? I suddenly felt like June Cleaver wearing a 1950's dress in a black and white picture show. The word homemaker sounds so inferior, like I've taken a giant step backwards from being a strong, college-educated woman.

I know this is such a silly thing and most people don't view me this way (including myself or my husband), but come on Bank, get with 2012! Can't you update your computer system to list an alternative occupation to homemaker? One that more accurately depicts my new role? Perhaps Household Manager or Chief Household and Child Director?

My first few weeks as a homemaker has gone fabulously well. My house is clean, my child is well-fed and entertained. I've baked and crafted for the holidays so much I'm brimming with cheer. I've cleaned poop out of the bathtub - twice. (Hey, no one ever said this job was glamorous).

I've learned quickly having a project each day helps me stay focused and feel accomplished. This month's Christmas advent calendar activities add a fun element to each day. Most importantly, I'm enjoying spending time with Tory. There's so many things I've learned about her this week, specifically the non-verbal cues she gives to signify her wants and needs and words she's beginning to say (although they're not actual words yet, just sounds and tones of them). I love rocking her to sleep at nap time during the day and not feeling rushed or exhausted. Today, I held for an extra 10 minutes and just watched her sleep. I haven't done since she was a baby.

Often when people learn of my new profession, they caution me to "stay involved" for fear I'll be a lonely mess at home in a few month's time. I understand where they're coming from (a loving, well-meaning place, I'm sure) but honestly, I'm not worried. I like being at home. I love being with my daughter. I feel like I've been training my whole life for this gig and this is right where I'm suppose to be.

So long, office life.

Remember being in high school and something dramatic would happen, like not making the cheerleading team or puking in the hallway outside the popular seniors' lockers? Times when life seemed like it just couldn't get any worse - when suddenly the people you thought were your friends didn't want anything to do with you - and you realized those left standing by your side were the ones who really cared about you all along?

Today on my last day at my job, I was seriously touched by fellow co-workers who made a special point to stop by my office and say good-bye, who delivered a thoughtful card, send an email, text message or met me out for dinner tonight. These are people I've shared some fond memories over the years, and a few I've just leaned to know in recent months. I never knew they cared so much. There were also a few I never heard from at all. It's no big deal really, just surprised. I was reminded today why it's important to always be the person you want to be; to be kind and honest and cooperative because you never know how you'll make a difference to someone else.

All of those comments and well-wishes today really meant a lot to me. I hope those people know how much. I tried to reciprocate with hugs and thank you's and I'm happy to know other people enjoyed working with me just as much as I did them. I'm thankful for the friendships I made there.

So long, office life.

Tomorrow It Ends + So It Begins

This is happening.

Tomorrow's my last day of work and after that, I'm a stay-at-home-mom. For reals. As in, everyday from now until whenever, I have nowhere else to be but in my house raising my little girl. Which isn't a bad place to be because well, she's pretty awesome.

Sloppy kisses, my favorite.

It's all a bit dizzying, in a good way. Andi was in California for work this weekend so it was just me and Beanie. Friday was a long day thanks to a sleepless Thursday night. Saturday and Sunday were lovely and we kept busy with lots of activities. By today, I had to check my phone a few different times to remind myself it was Monday. Is this how everyday from now on will be? No beginning of the week. No end. Every day is the same as the other, except for the occasional activity to mark a spot on the calendar? I'm not regretting my choice to stay home with Tory - not in the least bit - but I am a bit nervous-tummy about what to expect on the other side of tomorrow.

I know it'll be great. I know it will. There were several times today I stopped in my tracks, present in the moment, and gave thanks for this wonderful life of mine. I am seriously so lucky to be mother to this little girl. She is smart and witty and loving.

One of my favorite memories of today was when I tried to teach Tory to stand on one foot. It always takes me by surprise when I remember babies and toddlers can't do all the things we take for granted everyday. We were being silly in the kitchen and I lifted up one of her legs, showing her how to balance on one foot. Of course she couldn't do it by herself, (she just learned to walk three months ago!) but she belly laughed at the feeling of almost falling over. Such a simple thing, a goofy moment between the two of us, and my heart burst into a million pieces as I realized I get to be with her everyday. I get to be there when she experiences every little piece of life for the very first time.

We played outside in the backyard this afternoon (hello beautiful unseasonably warm Minnesota weather!) and once again, I had one of those surreal moments when I realized just how fun it is to be a kid alongside my daughter. We crunched the leaves underneath our shoes. We climbed through the flowerbed and ran down the small slope in the yard. Over and over again we did this, all while Tory giggled like it was the best moment in her lifetime. She'd stop still and look overhead at the sound of a passing airplane. To be a kid again, where life's simplest moments are observed and appreciated.

I experienced some of those moments as a working mom, but a lot of times my brain was racing from a day of meetings, after-hours emails or text messages or scrambling to put dinner on the table. Sometimes I had a hard time switching my brain from work-mode to mom-mode and therefore, I had a difficult time slowing down to enjoy playing toys or being goofy in the evenings. In one day, I no longer have to chose to be in the moment, I'll be there.

A New Chapter

Oh hey, I quit my job the other day. That might be worth mentioning on the ol' blog. I made it six years at my workplace, which is a bit shocking when I think back to the gallons of wine I consumed after work every day to get me through that first year. Somehow I adapted to a very different work culture than I was accustomed to and over time, I folded right into the landscape. On most days, I enjoyed what I did and felt accomplished about the work I contributed.

It wasn't a small straw that broke the camel's back or one big incident that pushed me over the edge. Andi came home from work at the end of October and said he had some good news and some bad news for me (isn't that how it always goes)? The Good: I could quit my job tomorrow, he said. Our aspirations for family, finances and careers were falling into place. Why wait until a second baby is born or some date we'd circled on the calendar. The Bad: The year 2013 means work, work, work for my husband. The upside/downside of owning a successful small business.

For me, all I've ever wanted was to be a mother and now that I am one, there's no place else I'd rather be than at home with my baby girl. Meet my new boss: she's one high maintenance lady.

I'm so very fortunate to have this opportunity to raise my little girl every single day. I have big dreams for our time together. I know the road ahead won't be all sunshine and rainbows; I've been a part-time at-home mama long enough to realize there's a lot of poop and puke and mess in my future, with not a lot of recognition. I know I'll be doing the solo parenting gig more often than I'd like (remind me of this post when I"m down-in-the-dumps lonely and frustrated with Andi's crazy work schedule). 

My bosses were very supportive of my decision, and truly weren't all that surprised. I've really enjoyed my time working there and now I'm ready to start a new chapter in my life. My priorities have changed and I'm anxious to do something I know I'm really good at: being a mom.

So, here goes nothing! My new gig starts November 21.

Not Enough Hours In The Day

It's been a crazy, hard few weeks around here. Back-to-school time means work is busier than ever and this fall, I've really struggled to find a balance between career woman and being Tory's mom. If I had the option, I'd choose motherhood all day long. Unfortunately work is a part of my life these days, and I'm not one to give less than 110% when someone's counting on me to deliver results. Pre-baby days, I worked from home many fall evenings when busy days prevented me from crossing anything off my to-do list but now with Tory in the mix and a part-time schedule, I'm challenged to find enough hours in the day to balance it all. I absolutely, positively cannot flash any sign of weakness at work for fear my boss (or actually, my boss' boss) will question my part-time schedule and my ability to manage both worlds. What if she comes to me and says this schedule isn't working? That I'll need to come back full-time? I would die. I refuse to be away from my baby girl for more hours than I already am in a week.

What's more, Tory's been teething and sleeping like garbage. I've been up with her every two hours most nights the last few weeks and waking up in the wee morning hours to work from home before leaving for my actual job. Last night / this morning, I was up with Tory at 11:30pm, fell asleep in the rocking chair until 1:30am, then stumbled back to my own bed for a few hours of sleep. She woke up again at 3:00am and as I was rocking her back to sleep, I was half-dreaming / half-panic attacking about work crap. I laid her down to sleep and decided I'd just get up and start knocking items off my to-do list. Today, I started work at 3:00am. Yes, it's as ridiculous as it sounds.

All this to say I'm running on energy and patience. I've barely talked to my husband in weeks because he's just as swamped at work as I am. Every night, I count the minutes until bedtime because I cannot wait to lay down and not have to respond to barking orders from anyone. I want more hours in the day to read blogs (and write on mine, too!), trim my fingernails or watch the news. I feel guilty for being less than thrilled to read board books to my baby girl or follow her as she toddles around the living room a million times because I am just too freaking tired to keep up.

This time of year will pass, it always does, but not before I'm exhausted, stressed and over-loaded. I hate feeling this way. Balancing motherhood and a busy work schedule is more effort than I wish to contribute. I'm fantasizing about a day my calendar doesn't blow during the months of August, September and October; one that has me solely focused on being a devoted mom to my baby girl.

Signed,

Twin Cities Mom Trying to Have It All

First Overnight Away

Yesterday, I boarded a plane bound for Chicago. I didn't check a bag or have "infant in arms" printed on my boarding pass. I drank a Diet Coke in my seat and closed my eyes for a few winks of shut-eye. Tory stayed back in Minnesota.

I traveled to Chicago for my first work meeting out of town. I wasn't nervous to leave Tory, not at first, as I knew she'd be in good hands with Grandma Janie and our nanny, Manda. Andi's traveling for work this week too, of course, so I coordinated pick-ups and drop-offs and left lots of notes for Tory's care while I was away. But the morning I left Tory woke up at 3AM in big-time teething pain. As I rocked her back to sleep, the worry of leaving her started to set in. I knew she's be just fine without me but what if something happened, what if she needed me and I wasn't there. It's a lot of pressure to place on Janie and our nanny to care for her completely while her parents are away.

My alarm buzzed at 4AM (of course, I hadn't been able to fall back asleep after being up with Tory the hour before). The nanny arrived at our house at 5AM and I left for the airport. Watching all the early, early news shows on television in the morning reminded me being pregnant all those months ago. I don't miss starting my days in the middle of the night. I forgot how lonely it is to be awake at that time of day.

It was different traveling without her. We have our airport travel system down now and I'm used to engaging with toys, readying a bottle, walking the airport hallways keeping a certain miss someone happy. The last two days have been all about me and it's different for a change. I don't travel much for work, and I'm not sure if I really all that interested in doing it in the future. But I am excited to spend a few days away, just Andi and I, this summer for our wedding anniversary. I guess I had to pull the Band-aid off eventually and everyone survived our first overnight away just fine.

Balance

Little time left for blogging as Tory and I fought Battle of the Never-Ending Colds this week, work and all the exhaustion that comes with both. I finally kicked my sickness mid-week, but it took my poor baby girl 10 days of coughing, congestion and a runny nose to finally feel better. It broke my heart when she'd look at me with her puppy-dog eyes as if she were asking me "mama, what's happening to me?" I ended up taking her to the doctor on Wednesday after she went on a two-day bottle strike with the nanny. She was nursing ok for me, but refused to eat at all for Allie and I wondered if she'd developed an ear infection with her cold. A quick check-up revealed she hadn't; it was just a virus so we rode it out with lots of baby snuggles and good ol' time. Thankfully, she seems much better this weekend.

This week was hard on me emotionally. I hated leaving Tory with the nanny when she wasn't feeling well, even though I knew she was in very capable hands. I'm sure every mother can agree there's something so unsettling about walking away from your baby when she isn't feeling well. Plus, after feeling like I was kicking butt at the SAHM portion of my life on Monday, my confidence took a nose-dive following a veeeery long three days at work this week. Some weeks are easy-breezy and I'm glad to be back in the swing of things. Yet other times, I struggle to find my place in my new work dynamic. My job is still my same job but in a shortened period of time and I find myself struggling with this internal tug-of-war:

• I am just as qualified. I can complete all MY responsibilities in half the time. The strong-willed part of me wants to prove I can do all the things I used to at the office like nothing has changed, even though I'm there less time.

Except,

• Haven't my priorities changed? Yes, they most certainly have. The new-mother part of me begs me to let go of the extra stress and accept less responsibility. I'm perfectly capable of completing all of my old tasks but I don't want to. Less to do means I get home faster to my baby girl and that's truly what I want in the end.

Sigh, I suspect there will always be weeks like this where I'll struggle to find balance. I do know this much: I'm having an amazingly wonderful weekend with my husband and little girl at home. A honest-to-goodness weekend with lots of play time and giggles, snuggling and relaxation. I think I'll put this week's worries behind me and look forward to another few days home with Tory and a fresh, new work week ahead on Tuesday.

My New Normal

It's Thursday (and my work Friday) which means I only need to get through today and I have four beautiful days ahead with my Tory Bean. I am crazy pants tired because the baby was up EVERY SINGLE HOUR last night so apologizes in advance for misspelled words and run-on sentences. Holy crap being a working mom is HARD, even when it's part-time.

Tuesday was my first day back to work and I was excited about it. Like a little kid the night before school starts, I packed up my work bag and gathered my breast pump and set it by the door, ready to go for Tuesday morning. I woke up at 5AM before my alarm even sounded and thought to myself, "I can do this! I am so awake and ready to be a working mom today!" I pumped and left milk for Tory in the refrigerator for Andi's mom who graciously offered to watch Tory this week to ease my transition back into the working world. I left in plenty of time so traffic wasn't bad on my drive in. No icy roadways to deal with. All was right with the world.

When I walked into my office Tuesday morning, I found pictures of Tory plastered all over the wall above my desk. My co-workers Suzanne and Jenna had been so thoughtful to tidy up my desk (where someone else had been sitting while I was away) and make it feel like home for me. So, so nice of them!

I walked behind the chalkboard dividing wall in our office (background info: I share a storm shelter office with the other Marketing Manager, Suzanne, our Dietitian, Jenna, and fifty gazillion marketing interns we have working underneath us. Yes it is really a cinder-block room underground and classified as a storm shelter. BE JEALOUS). We have a chalkboard rolling wall which segregates 1/3 of our office which we've made into a storage area to house marketing trinkets, t-shirts, etc. we use throughout the year. Anyway, I walked behind the wall to find a "pumping station" Suzanne had made for me, complete with an electrical cord, chair and table (which is actually a cart) so I can pump in our office during the day. On the chalkboard wall above the "pumping station" were more pictures of Tory. Seriously, I was so moved. So sweet of her to make those arrangements for me. I'm not super stoked to pump three times a day behind a rolling wall with other people in ear shot of me (as I'm sure THEY are not super stoked about me doing it either) but Suzanne and Jenna and all the interns have been so respectful. Much appreciated since there really isn't another place for me to pump.

Anyway, Tuesday was fun! I said hi to co-workers I haven't seen in months. Everyone asked how I was doing and wanted to see pictures of my new baby girl. "Welcome back!" shouted down the hallways wherever I went. I felt loved.

I spent most of my day Tuesday catching up on the latest office drama (holy crap a lot of stuff happened while I was away!) and checking the 852 emails I had waiting for me in my inbox. I updated our website, wrote a few press releases, BAM! I was back in the saddle.

I arrived home from work around 4:30PM and smothered Tory with kisses. I waited for Andi to come home from work too, but he didn't arrive home until 9:30pm and I was far beyond the point of wanting to share my day at that point. Husband had been working some crazy hours lately so the stress level is fairly thick in our house these days. I feel bad for him and I tried reeeeeally hard not to get upset about it. Life is busy. Be supportive. The end.

When Tory woke me up Wednesday morning around 5AM, I sort of stumbled out of bed and realized, oh, I have to go back to work today. Damn. Tuesday was fun and exciting and felt like a one-day field trip somewhere new and exciting. Wednesday was a harsh reality check: I miss my baby and oh man, I'm tired. My boss scheduled a 4:30pm meeting for Wednesday afternoon so I knew I wouldn't get home to see Tory Bean until right before she was going to bed. I snuggled her for a few extra minutes in the morning and made my way into the office. Yesterday was long. I missed my baby and found myself yawning more than appropriate. When I arrived home around 6pm, Tory was Miss Fussypants because she was tired and ready for bedtime. It was hard on me, I wont lie. All I wanted to do was snuggle and play with her and she wanted nothing of the sort.

Here I am, Thursday morning. I'm so tired I think I might pass out and drool on my keyboard any second. But I must wrap this up so I can go pump before a three-hour status meeting at 9AM. I think I might die. Andi is traveling for work this weekend so it's just me and the little one. I'll nap when she naps this weekend and snuggle her like crazy the rest and do it all over again next week. It's our new normal and it's going to take a little getting used to ...

Last Day

It's finally here: my last day of maternity leave. Who knew having a baby would provide the best vacation I've even been on. Above Europe or Thailand, I've enjoyed every single minute of the last 13 weeks, late night feedings and all.

Luckily I only have three days ahead of me before four solid days with my Tory Bean. Maybe I'll feel differently tomorrow when the moment actually arrives, but I think I'm okay with life returning to normal. Maybe it's because I only have three days away from my baby (I now work Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays) or maybe it's because I feel really comfortable with our new nanny Allie (hope that sentence doesn't come back to bite me in the ass someday) but I don't think returning to work will be so bad. Mostly I'm excited to return to office gossip, to stimulate my brain in ways staying home with Tory hasn't, to eat lunch without bouncing a baby on my hip and to use the restroom whenever I feel like it. I want to drink coffee when it's still hot and check my email as I please. Those small things will do wonders to recharge my inner self.

That's not to say I'm not dreading waking up at the crack of dawn (which will inconveniently be an hour after Tory's 4:00am feeding) to beat suburb traffic heading into the city. I'm definitely not looking forward to hours of boring meetings where I literally want to poke pencils in my eyes or the added stress of balancing a family, a household and a career.

While most of me is ready to return to work, there's a nagging part that is sad to miss Tory's daily milestones. Just this weekend she discovered toys on her activity mat and now reaches out to grab them. Every day she does something new, every single day. I'm going to miss being right there when the lightbulb goes off and her world becomes a little bigger.

I realize how lucky I've been to spend these last 13 weeks with her. She's transformed from a teeny tiny newborn to an alert, smiley baby before my very eyes. I will always remember this time we spent together. Going back to work will develop and recharge me; it's a good thing ... at least that's what my brain keeps repeating over and over and over.

Working Mama

When I was a little kid, I told my parents I was leaving their small town the first chance I got and never looking back. I had big dreams to flee to New York and become a television broadcaster. I imagined having it all; a uber successful career, a handsome husband and a few kiddos too. Because I always knew I wanted to be a mom; I just never imagined trading in one dream for another.

It's funny how we grow up and our dreams evolve into something completely new. What I once thought was the picture perfect life isn't even close to the life I lead today. It's a million times better than I could've imagined it to be. To say I'm blessed is an understatement.

------

As I got older (and realized only Diane Sawyer-types make big time bucks as a tv journalist), I knew being a mother would be the single most important thing I'd do in my life. And the minute I became pregnant I also knew I didn't want to miss a minute of it. From poopy diapers and first steps to PTA meetings; the desire to become a stay-at-home mom came over me. That dream, though, didn't come without a few hesitations. I often worried I wouldn't be as interesting to my husband if I'm not the career woman he married. I stressed about losing my edge in the marketing world if I ever decided to get back into it or worse, losing who I am as Heather The Person to someone named Heather The Mom.

Over the last few months, Andi and I have muled over this topic a gazillion times. Could we continue to live our life on only one income? And do we really want to? How would we manage health care? What would happen if something goes South with Andi's business and we find ourselves without any income at all?

As we toured daycare centers and other childcare possibilities, we determined a work / life balance was key for me in going forward. With the insane amount of pressure, travel and general work load of Andi's business, it's imperative one parent be available to keep our home life afloat. So, on Friday I made an appointment with my boss to discuss my options. I explained my reasoning and asked if she'd be willing to restructure my position to part-time to better accommodate my new family's needs. And to my relief, she was so supportive! She agreed to alter my position to 3 days a week so I can still maintain my career while assuming the role of a stay-at-home (sometimes) mom. I'm still in shock; I can hardly believe how fortunate I am to enjoy the best of both worlds.

Suddenly, I'm excited to return to work and dive back into tasks that stimulate my brain. And even more, I'm thankful for the opportunity to watch Tory grow up before my very eyes. I can't think of a better arrangement for our family and I'm grateful for my husband who's willing to work a little harder so I can live out this dream of mine.

Pinch me. Life just can't get any better.

Blast from the past

Sometimes you don't realize how far you've come until you visit where you've been.

This week I had the chance to go back to my old college town for a work project. When my boss called a few weeks ago and asked me to go back to Nebraska to do some market research, I had two words: HECK YES. Free trip (a flight, no less!) to Nebraska and a chance to visit my old stomping grounds after seven long years? I'm there.

As I approached Kearney, the Arch greeted me back to town. I remember when this monument was being built while I lived there. It was a pretty big deal, actually. Half the town thought it was silly and a waste of money. The other half thought it would put the city on the map. Whatever the case, you can't miss it when you come to town.

It's funny how some things never change. The city is exactly as I remember. It was like stepping back into a time warp. Same restaurants, same bumps in the road, same, same, same. I met up with Marcie, my roommate and best friend in college for dinner. We had the best night reminiscing about college days and catching up on what's new. A lot is different for us now - we're both married and she's expecting her first baby this summer. As we were driving down the road after dinner we laughed, not too many years ago we drove these same streets discussing how not to get pregnant. Now, here we are ten years later sharing how to's. Somewhere along the line, life happened and we grew up. Still the same though? We laughed just like we did so many years ago.

Cunningham's

The home of "Big Ass Beers" and our favorite place to go every Tuesday night.

O Mally's

My favorite bar in town

Solar

I worked here nearly every day in college and cried the day I left town. It was my first real job with responsibility and the first place I worked where I felt pride in what I did every day. Good memories.

My sorority

Marcie and I lived shared a room here for three years. We stopped by the house and looked around, then took a picture outside to capture the moment. We have dozens of photos in this very spot.

Sometimes you don't realize how far you've come until you visit where you've been.

Life is good. I'm happier, smarter and more well-rounded because of all those experiences back then. What an awesome blast from the past.

The beauty of hotels

I'm traveling for work this week and a few things have me just a little un-nerved.

First, somewhere between conversations with other Marketing Managers who travel quite regularly and the recent media coverage of the bed bug epidemic, I've gone and completely freaked myself out about hotel room ickiness. My regional boss went on and on the other day about how she never takes her shoes off in hotel rooms (for the disgust!) and absolutely never, ever holds the remote. What? How do I turn the t.v. on then? I'm all sorts of confused. And grossed out. And now trying to change channels with the remote wrapped in my bed sheet.

And speaking of bed sheets, last night I crawled into the hotel room bed after a long day at work and an even longer evening of travel feeling exhausted. As I laid here for a minute, I swore I felt bugs crawling all over my legs. I jumped out of bed (not without leaping over to my shoes first!) and ripped open the covers to check for bed bugs. Was that a bug or a black piece of fuzz? I moved closer to see. Fuzz ... I think. I crawled back into bed and laid there for a minute only to feel more bugs. Or were they? Don't you hate when the more you think about how something itches, the more it does? I flipped up the mattress to look closer and found nothing. I probably woke up 10 times last night until I finally laid my t-shirt down on my bed and curled up onto it for the rest of the night. I'm a psycho, right?

Tonight, I took a long shower to relax and crawled into bed again. This time I got smarter and laid down a bath towel to lay on. Hopefully this helps me catch a few more winks. Oh wait, my bed is shaking against the wall. The room next door better not be doing what I think they're doing ...

Week In Review

Good lord, this last week has flown by. It's been a blink and it's gone kind of week ... and that's never a good thing in the summertime. Warm weather weeks are far too precious.

Andi's been jet-setting since May, busy with photo shoots and work stuff. We've literally high-fived at the door way as he's come and gone the last 5 weeks. And what happens the week he's finally home? I travel to Chicago for work. It turned out fine in the end; he was able to work late and catch up on much needed sleep and I spent a few days with my marketing gals from the Mid-West who I rarely see in the flesh.

Yes, Chicago was fun this week! A few creative marketing girls on our team decided to schedule our meetings off-site so we met at several of our company's accounts including Navy Pier. Check out this amazing shot I snapped with my Blackberry from our meeting room window.

Not a bad meeting view, eh?

In Chicago this week, I was also able to spend time with my one of my favorite friends, Melissa. We have one of those instant-friend relationships where we can pick up right where we left off. As anti-social as we may have been, we stayed in Wednesday night, ordered Thai food and a bottle of wine to my hotel room and laughed until we cried. How I do love that girl.

Mini panic attack on the plane ride home Thursday night as I realized it was almost Friday (you know, the day that usually follows Thursday) and I hadn't put a thought into the cabin this weekend. No idea what we were going to eat. Had no idea who was even coming up this weekend. Luckily my wonderful husband had already invited our friends Kevin and Kendall up for the weekend. They're driving up as I type. Should be an awesome, relaxing weekend with my love and two great friends.

7 Quick Takes - Florida Style

ONE Not that I'm complaining, but it would have been nice if it was a smidge bit warmer during my time in Florida this week. I thought 50 and sun was nice until I saw the weather report for this weekend -- 70's and sun sounds so much better.

TWO In other news, I had a great meeting with our sustainability manager today and our presentation went very well. Had a chance to tour around University of South Florida as well. Always nice to see other accounts and gain inspiration from other marketing managers. Tomorrow's another presentation, this time about marketing. I've given this presentation a few gazillion times so should be no sweat.

THREE The 'healthy eating' notion went OK today. I didn't drink as much water I as I hoped (only 1 water bottle's worth) and had more caffeine than probably necessary but needed it to keep me energized throughout the presentation! Ate a piece of toast for breakfast and some fruit, a salad for lunch and a quesadilla for dinner. Could have done better; could have been worse. There's always tomorrow.

FOUR Thinking about starting to work out again (don't tell Andi!). Can't decide whether joining a gym would be beneficial (would I really go?). Maybe it'd be worth it just for yoga. Or maybe I'll just buy some sessions at a yoga studio and skip the gym all together. Too much processing ... a decision for another day.

FIVE Still not digging the Olympics (sorry Linds). Is it over yet? I feel like I'm left out of the secret that is the Olympics. That's all people are talking about; all that's in the newspapers, tv, etc. Did I just miss something? Can't catch the spirit of it all, I guess.

SIX Thank the Lord for my sweet-talkin' husband!! Found out today he's secured a free pontoon for us to use this summer. Now to find a cabin to rent for the summer months and we'll be set! Our last summer (hopefully!) without a kiddo will be one to remember. Mark your calendars now to come visit us in Minnesota!

SEVEN What are you giving up for Lent? I'm not Catholic, so I never really give up anything but always think it's interesting to see what pledges people decide to make. I saw on another blog today that someone was giving up blogging which suprised me. I've become pretty addicted to sharing my thoughts with all of you...not sure if I could do it. Anyone else giving up someting interesting?

Sunny Florida ... here I come!

This?

or this?

Hallelujah! I'm heading to warmth!
I'm in Tampa for the week for work. 50's and sun. Yes please!

Hockey Tourney - Duluth

Today was our last day in Duluth and the second day of Andi's pond hockey tourney.  After the boys left at the wee hours of the morning to setup for the tournament, the girlfriends and I slept in, went to lunch at Pizza Luce and then headed to the site to check out the event.

I am so proud of Andi for pulling together such a cool tourney! Ten teams participated in the event and over 200 people stopped by to spectate. Two Duluth news crews were even there to cover it.
Here's a few photos from our day:

Twin Ponds Ice Rinks

Me - Bundled up for the freezing Minnesota outdoors

Andi & I (with the city of Duluth in the back drop)

Charlie - Andi's partner in the event
(next to the pimp event Ranger)

These are Charlie's boots. Think it was a little cold there?

Yep folks, that's ICE

Derrick & Ellie

Only six more weekends of tournaments for Andi ... which isn't so bad. By the time he's done with this event, it'll be spring!