Balance

Little time left for blogging as Tory and I fought Battle of the Never-Ending Colds this week, work and all the exhaustion that comes with both. I finally kicked my sickness mid-week, but it took my poor baby girl 10 days of coughing, congestion and a runny nose to finally feel better. It broke my heart when she'd look at me with her puppy-dog eyes as if she were asking me "mama, what's happening to me?" I ended up taking her to the doctor on Wednesday after she went on a two-day bottle strike with the nanny. She was nursing ok for me, but refused to eat at all for Allie and I wondered if she'd developed an ear infection with her cold. A quick check-up revealed she hadn't; it was just a virus so we rode it out with lots of baby snuggles and good ol' time. Thankfully, she seems much better this weekend.

This week was hard on me emotionally. I hated leaving Tory with the nanny when she wasn't feeling well, even though I knew she was in very capable hands. I'm sure every mother can agree there's something so unsettling about walking away from your baby when she isn't feeling well. Plus, after feeling like I was kicking butt at the SAHM portion of my life on Monday, my confidence took a nose-dive following a veeeery long three days at work this week. Some weeks are easy-breezy and I'm glad to be back in the swing of things. Yet other times, I struggle to find my place in my new work dynamic. My job is still my same job but in a shortened period of time and I find myself struggling with this internal tug-of-war:

• I am just as qualified. I can complete all MY responsibilities in half the time. The strong-willed part of me wants to prove I can do all the things I used to at the office like nothing has changed, even though I'm there less time.

Except,

• Haven't my priorities changed? Yes, they most certainly have. The new-mother part of me begs me to let go of the extra stress and accept less responsibility. I'm perfectly capable of completing all of my old tasks but I don't want to. Less to do means I get home faster to my baby girl and that's truly what I want in the end.

Sigh, I suspect there will always be weeks like this where I'll struggle to find balance. I do know this much: I'm having an amazingly wonderful weekend with my husband and little girl at home. A honest-to-goodness weekend with lots of play time and giggles, snuggling and relaxation. I think I'll put this week's worries behind me and look forward to another few days home with Tory and a fresh, new work week ahead on Tuesday.