I'm Different, Baby

I've been thinking a lot lately about how pregnancy and motherhood has changed me. I'm different in all the ways you'd suspect I would but there are strange, simple things that are so different about me now than say, a year ago at this time. Here are just a few: 

• I haven't worn a real bra since August. These days, I'm strictly a non-wire nursing bra wearing kind of girl. There was a time in my life I wouldn't have stepped foot in public without the perky support of a Victoria's Secret bra and now I'm not sure I can ever go back.
• Speaking of underthings ... thongs are a thing of the past. As my pregnant body grew along with my hips, I opted for more comfortable cotton underwear (not granny panties per se, just some cute undies which provided more coverage on the backside) and now I don't think I'll ever go back to the world of thong underwear. How on Earth did I wear something so uncomfortable all those years? My girlfriend Ellie (newlywed, no kids) and I were having this conversation a few weeks ago and she was FLOORED when I told her I don't wear thongs anymore. "What the heck do you wear?" she asked. Cotton undies, my friend, because when you're married and a mother comfort trumps sex appeal and panty lines all day long (at least in my mind).
• Boobs are all I can talk about. I'm sure the topic will pass when I'm no longer nursing Tory, but lately it seems like all I think about is boobs. The way mine feel (engorged or full or empty or sore or whatever). Am I getting enough milk? Will my boobs be down to my knees after they've been squeezed and massaged and sucked every three hours for a year? I'm pretty sure the girls at work are fed up to HERE with my constant commentary about boobs throughout the day.   
• I like meat and oranges. I used to be a pretty simple girl. Chips, Diet Coke, iced coffee and cereal. I swear that's all I ever ate. That was before I had a baby growing inside me and before the nourishment I take in helps to supply the milk my child eats too. I wouldn't say I'm the healthiest eater now, but I have noticed my taste profile changing completely since I had a baby. I  crave meat now, for example, which is something I used to practically force-feed myself. I'll actually make dinner for myself in the evenings (even when Andi's working) because I know I need to eat something substantial (even though I make him a plate and when he comes home he says, oh sorry honey I ate dinner at work. GAH!!!). I bought a bag of clementines a few weeks ago and they tasted like heaven on Earth. Clementines? I used to hate oranges. These days, I can only drink about a half a can of Diet Coke before it just doesn't sound good anymore and iced coffee makes me jittery as hell. Breakfast has suddenly become my most essential meal of the day. If I don't eat it, I'm toast ... literally.
• Taking a shower is the most peaceful part of my day. Pre-baby, I was a shower hater. I mean, I took them because I had to, but I dreaded getting up earlier than required in the mornings, drying my hair; the works. I seriously invented various ways to pin my hair back or wear a headband all in the name of hiding my greasy hair. Stepping out of the shower all cold and wet is one of my least favorite feelings. It must stem from some deeply-rooted regressed childhood memory or something. But now, NOW! showers are glorious. Standing in warm water for 10 uninterrupted minutes (especially on those days when Andi doesn't bring Tory into the bathroom to see 'what mom's up to') is heavenly. Ten minutes to do nothing but close my eyes and stand there and relax. I am in love with showering these days.
• Crime dramas creep me out. My DVR used to be packed full of CSI, Criminal Minds and 48 Hours Mystery. Curling up in bed with my laptop and Nancy Grace's latest story on a missing person was one of my favorite past times. And now? I am completely freaked by all of these shows. Watching a show about all the scary monsters of the world sends me into a panic attack and more so, how the heck do I protect my child from all of them?
• I cry at the drop of a hat. This commerical sends me into a full-on tear fest. I saw this commercial about veterans while I was watching the Nebraska game on Monday and started sobbing. Holy cow, I've become an emotional wreck when it comes to anything that tugs at the heartstrings. I never used to be like that before.
• My self image has changed. Pre-baby, I wouldn't say I was obsessed with being thin but I was very 'aware' of the way my body looked. I didn't go so far as to work out or anything - whoa, whoa, whoa, that's a lot of work - but I definitely monitored the way my clothes fit and the number staring back at me on the scale. A few weeks after I had Tory, I felt impatient as I waited to hit that magic number again and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't nervous about the way my body would look post-baby. But honestly, it doesn't really matter to me anymore. I finally did hit my pre-pregnancy weight about a month ago and eventually my body just regulated back to it (as many of you said it would). I definitely LOOK different than I did before having a baby (more saggy in the mid-section) and I still have my linea nigra stripe down my stomach. My pelvis doesn't contour the way it did before but you know what, whatever. I'm proud of myself for giving birth to another human life. It's a miracle what the female body can do and I look at my jiggly belly and remember there was a little baby in there not that long ago.
• I never, NEVER, question another parent's methods. Before Andi and I became parents, we'd always say things like "we're never giving our kid this" or "we'll never do that." But then you're suddenly put into that very situation and you know what? Sometimes you do what you do to survive. I will never again question the way other people raise their kids (as long as they're safe and well-cared for, obviously) because every child is different and you never know what you'll do until you're there.

I wonder what other things will change about me as I grow into the role of parenting? Or I wonder if my perspective on things will shift back to the way I was before being a mom. It's just interesting, this parenting gig. It really does change your entire life, in every aspect.