It Gets Easier

Not so many weeks ago, I remember hyperventilating as the holidays approached. There was so much to do (decorate! bake! be crafty!) and I could barely find the time to take a shower. The feeling of motherhood was all-emcompassing and as I struggled to keep my head above water, I had to forgo all my favorite parts of Christmastime. "Old Heather" used to carefully select themes for my Christmas wrapping and hand-craft decor on every present. "New mom Heather" gifted presents with no name tags on them because I simply ran out of time.

Will this ever end, I wondered? Will I ever feel like myself again? I craved the idea of having a measly ten minutes to trim my fingernails, read blogs or accomplish anything with two hands.

If I could go back in time and tell myself one thing, it'd be IT GETS EASIER. Many people said it would but it was hard to see forward when I was so focused on putting one foot in front of the other. As I sit here typing on my laptop and watching the snow melt outside my window, I am relaxed and so content in my life. Tory is taking a nap in the other room and I am enjoying a few quiet minutes to myself; something I could never see happening a few weeks ago.

I'm finding more time to cook these days and it feels good to get back into the kitchen. Do I have a few hours to bake cookies or make elaborate meals? No. I'm definitely not there yet. I've learned to cook when a window of time opens in my schedule (even when it might be 9:00am) and I opt for meals with few steps and uncomplicated ingredients. I've had to walk away from a messy kitchen several times and the other day it took me three hours to assemble a lasagna, but the important part is I'M FIGURING IT OUT. Learning how to balance motherhood and the demands of a baby while finding myself again.

I know it won't always be like this. Someday I hope to have another baby and managing life with a newborn baby in the mix and toddling Tory will bring an entirely new set of challenges. Heck, who knows what the next few weeks will bring as Tory changes and develops. I know there will be many more days of uncertainty and hyperventilation ahead, but today it feels good to have life slow down enough to realize how lucky I have it.