Is it just me, or is anyone else having a hard time getting into the holiday spirit this year? I'm completely denying the fact that tomorrow's Thanksgiving and Christmas will be here a few short weeks later. Usually by late November, I'm chomping at the bit to dig out all my holiday decorations and start up a baking frenzy. Scouring the internet for awesome appetizer recipes and decorating ideas completely consumes me. I have the perfect gifts in mind for all of our family and friends and more times than not, most of my gifts are already on order.
But this year? I find myself breathing into a paper bag at the very thought of baking or entertaining or shopping or celebrating. I have no idea what I'm buying anyone this year. Add in the fact I haven't worked in three months and I have about $3 in my checking account, I'm squeezing my eyes tight and hoping it all goes away.
My life is different this year because of Tory. She consumes every ounce of my energy and all of the minutes in my day. Twelve weeks into parenting, I've finally figured out how to shower everyday. If I'm firing on all cylinders, I have dinner prepared when Andi gets home from work. But other daily tasks like grocery shopping at the store, I can't even fathom. If it weren't for online ordering and grocery delivery, I think we'd probably starve.
Is it just me, or does anyone else have a really hard time balancing motherhood and the every day? I see and hear and listen to all my mom friends and fellow bloggers baking wonderful holiday treats and hosting fabulous dinner parties. Their houses are already decorated and their planning tons of activities to celebrate the holidays ... and I'm all GAHHHH! How the heck do they do it all?
I love being a mom more than anything in the world. But this thought has been bouncing around in my head a lot lately and I can't seem to find the answer: When will I be able to be "me" again? When will I be able to cook and entertain and clean my house and do all the things I find achievement in completing? Because seriously, this baby of mine is all-consuming and I'm drowning in the sole responsibility of caring for her. There is no time for anything else.
Graciously, my MIL volunteered to come over and watch Tory next week so I can decorate my house for Christmas. I'm so thankful she's close by to help with Tory; I really don't know how I'd get everything done otherwise. But then the mommy guilt creeps in and I feel completely horrible about wasting one of my last maternity leave days with Tory to decorate my house for Christmas. She's only this little once and here I am worrying about Christmas trees and holiday wreaths? How selfish am I? This time with her is the only thing that should matter to me.
Last year for Thanksgiving, I made army-size portions of mashed potatoes and corny macaroni for Andi's family celebration. I crafted a cheese ball in the shape of a turkey for all of the cooks to snack on while we prepared the big meal at his grandma's house. This year I'm bringing mashed potatoes again if I can carve out time to make them. It's my mom's super easy make-ahead recipe and yet the task at hand seems like an uphill climb. Today I must brave the grocery store crowds with a baby in tow all for disposable foil pans. If I'm lucky, Tory won't scream all the way there from her car seat and we can whip in and out of the store before the after-work crowds descend. Back at home, I'll scramble to pull the ingredients together while Tory takes one of her classic 20 minute naps. And tomorrow I'll pull it all together and make it Andi's family celebration on time.
I'm hoping Thanksgiving gives me the kick in the pants I need to get into the holiday spirit. Or maybe this year we'll have a half-decorated tree and store-bought holiday treats. Maybe next year will be easier to find a balance between all the things I love about the holidays - my family and the excitement that surrounds the season.
Ditto. I braved the grocery store yesterday with my 11 week old and she didn't burst into tears until I was already paying...I consider that a success! By next year when they know what is going on we'll have it all together and they'll never know we clumsily stumbled through it all during their first holidays!
ReplyDeleteIt definitely gets easier as your kids get older... well, maybe not easier, but different. You can engage them in more of the activities - even last year, Allie was 1.5 and she "helped" us decorate for Christmas. It was a blast watching her take 20 minutes figuring out where to put one decoration, while I decorated around her. Baking is still a tough thing for me to accomplish, Allie's now at the age where she likes to "help," but often it becomes more of a challenge staying one step ahead of her than her actually providing any help. One suggestion; you mentioned Tory likes the Baby Bjorn - could you wear that around while you get some of your stuff done? I did that plenty when Allie was little and she was tired/sleeping and I actually wasn't for a change - I could cook, clean, decorate, anything while she was in a sling/bjorn.
ReplyDeleteSo, I take it Tory is not so much in the stage of mildly enjoying just laying on a blanket or sitting in a bumbo/bouncy seat yet? We were pretty lucky that Annie was fine with that pretty early on, so it was easy enough to accomplish things with her just watching, which she seemed to enjoy. I definitely am all about encouraging independent play pretty much from birth - I think it's good for kids and good for their parents too, but I know some kids just aren't into it at all. I definitely second the suggestion to wear her while doing things - she really might enjoy watching you decorate especially. Baking is a bit tricky with the hot oven and all, so it is more rare now, and almost always happens when my husband is around. Since we both have pretty much the same schedules, we're almost always home with Annie at the same time.
ReplyDeleteIt definitely does take time to get used to balancing motherhood and just managing a household, not to mention working. Going back to work was really what made me feel like more of myself. Also, I've tried really hard to lose the guilt - if I need a day to spend doing something on my own, that is just fine. Annie will not remember, nor will she care, AT ALL. Yes, I might miss her, but tomorrow is a new day and it's better for everyone if I enjoy the time I have away from my child for what it is - time to complete projects, get pampered, spend time with friends, etc.
I am so glad you wrote this post - it makes me feel better because I was the same exact way last year. I felt alone like no one understood what I was going through. This year it is better. A lot of it I am sure has to do with having a baby that is a little older and working outside the home : ) For me it has been important for me to keep up with the things that I love and learn to not worry about the rest. So what if my dishes aren't done or my house is not as orderly as it used to be -- it is more important to me that I get time for the things I love and my baby. Everyone else will understand and if they don't - so what! Lauren will not remember how organized our house is but she will remember how much time I spent playing with her.
ReplyDeleteDid you steal this post from my head?! LOL. I feel this EXACT same way. Leigha is 4 months old now and will not lay quietly and watch us do things, and she is quickly learning that she doesn't go anywhere in her bouncer or swing, so unfortunately lots of things are going by the wayside this year as far as decorating and baking and general stuff goes.
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