My New Normal

It's Thursday (and my work Friday) which means I only need to get through today and I have four beautiful days ahead with my Tory Bean. I am crazy pants tired because the baby was up EVERY SINGLE HOUR last night so apologizes in advance for misspelled words and run-on sentences. Holy crap being a working mom is HARD, even when it's part-time.

Tuesday was my first day back to work and I was excited about it. Like a little kid the night before school starts, I packed up my work bag and gathered my breast pump and set it by the door, ready to go for Tuesday morning. I woke up at 5AM before my alarm even sounded and thought to myself, "I can do this! I am so awake and ready to be a working mom today!" I pumped and left milk for Tory in the refrigerator for Andi's mom who graciously offered to watch Tory this week to ease my transition back into the working world. I left in plenty of time so traffic wasn't bad on my drive in. No icy roadways to deal with. All was right with the world.

When I walked into my office Tuesday morning, I found pictures of Tory plastered all over the wall above my desk. My co-workers Suzanne and Jenna had been so thoughtful to tidy up my desk (where someone else had been sitting while I was away) and make it feel like home for me. So, so nice of them!

I walked behind the chalkboard dividing wall in our office (background info: I share a storm shelter office with the other Marketing Manager, Suzanne, our Dietitian, Jenna, and fifty gazillion marketing interns we have working underneath us. Yes it is really a cinder-block room underground and classified as a storm shelter. BE JEALOUS). We have a chalkboard rolling wall which segregates 1/3 of our office which we've made into a storage area to house marketing trinkets, t-shirts, etc. we use throughout the year. Anyway, I walked behind the wall to find a "pumping station" Suzanne had made for me, complete with an electrical cord, chair and table (which is actually a cart) so I can pump in our office during the day. On the chalkboard wall above the "pumping station" were more pictures of Tory. Seriously, I was so moved. So sweet of her to make those arrangements for me. I'm not super stoked to pump three times a day behind a rolling wall with other people in ear shot of me (as I'm sure THEY are not super stoked about me doing it either) but Suzanne and Jenna and all the interns have been so respectful. Much appreciated since there really isn't another place for me to pump.

Anyway, Tuesday was fun! I said hi to co-workers I haven't seen in months. Everyone asked how I was doing and wanted to see pictures of my new baby girl. "Welcome back!" shouted down the hallways wherever I went. I felt loved.

I spent most of my day Tuesday catching up on the latest office drama (holy crap a lot of stuff happened while I was away!) and checking the 852 emails I had waiting for me in my inbox. I updated our website, wrote a few press releases, BAM! I was back in the saddle.

I arrived home from work around 4:30PM and smothered Tory with kisses. I waited for Andi to come home from work too, but he didn't arrive home until 9:30pm and I was far beyond the point of wanting to share my day at that point. Husband had been working some crazy hours lately so the stress level is fairly thick in our house these days. I feel bad for him and I tried reeeeeally hard not to get upset about it. Life is busy. Be supportive. The end.

When Tory woke me up Wednesday morning around 5AM, I sort of stumbled out of bed and realized, oh, I have to go back to work today. Damn. Tuesday was fun and exciting and felt like a one-day field trip somewhere new and exciting. Wednesday was a harsh reality check: I miss my baby and oh man, I'm tired. My boss scheduled a 4:30pm meeting for Wednesday afternoon so I knew I wouldn't get home to see Tory Bean until right before she was going to bed. I snuggled her for a few extra minutes in the morning and made my way into the office. Yesterday was long. I missed my baby and found myself yawning more than appropriate. When I arrived home around 6pm, Tory was Miss Fussypants because she was tired and ready for bedtime. It was hard on me, I wont lie. All I wanted to do was snuggle and play with her and she wanted nothing of the sort.

Here I am, Thursday morning. I'm so tired I think I might pass out and drool on my keyboard any second. But I must wrap this up so I can go pump before a three-hour status meeting at 9AM. I think I might die. Andi is traveling for work this weekend so it's just me and the little one. I'll nap when she naps this weekend and snuggle her like crazy the rest and do it all over again next week. It's our new normal and it's going to take a little getting used to ...