It's finally here: my last day of maternity leave. Who knew having a baby would provide the best vacation I've even been on. Above Europe or Thailand, I've enjoyed every single minute of the last 13 weeks, late night feedings and all.
Luckily I only have three days ahead of me before four solid days with my Tory Bean. Maybe I'll feel differently tomorrow when the moment actually arrives, but I think I'm okay with life returning to normal. Maybe it's because I only have three days away from my baby (I now work Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays) or maybe it's because I feel really comfortable with our new nanny Allie (hope that sentence doesn't come back to bite me in the ass someday) but I don't think returning to work will be so bad. Mostly I'm excited to return to office gossip, to stimulate my brain in ways staying home with Tory hasn't, to eat lunch without bouncing a baby on my hip and to use the restroom whenever I feel like it. I want to drink coffee when it's still hot and check my email as I please. Those small things will do wonders to recharge my inner self.
That's not to say I'm not dreading waking up at the crack of dawn (which will inconveniently be an hour after Tory's 4:00am feeding) to beat suburb traffic heading into the city. I'm definitely not looking forward to hours of boring meetings where I literally want to poke pencils in my eyes or the added stress of balancing a family, a household and a career.
While most of me is ready to return to work, there's a nagging part that is sad to miss Tory's daily milestones. Just this weekend she discovered toys on her activity mat and now reaches out to grab them. Every day she does something new, every single day. I'm going to miss being right there when the lightbulb goes off and her world becomes a little bigger.
I realize how lucky I've been to spend these last 13 weeks with her. She's transformed from a teeny tiny newborn to an alert, smiley baby before my very eyes. I will always remember this time we spent together. Going back to work will develop and recharge me; it's a good thing ... at least that's what my brain keeps repeating over and over and over.
I just went back last week too. &, I felt the same way you did about it. It is nice to have some me time and some adult time again. I did shed a tear or two on the way to work that first day, but I made it! I hope it's not so terrible for you and you get back home to her quickly! You'll treasure your nights and weekends with her even more!
ReplyDeleteI think you'll love it. Take it from someone who has the exact same schedule as you, working Tue-Thur. It can be stressful, and I feel guilt on those days that it feels like I barely see my child, but Tue-Thur goes by SO FAST, and all of a sudden you have another 4-day glorious weekend.
ReplyDeleteAnd it really is nice to have grown-up lunches 3-days a week, to drink hot coffee, to talk/think about stuff other than your kid. I'm sure this morning will be rough, and sad, but it'll get easier... Thinking of you today!