Not Enough Hours In The Day

It's been a crazy, hard few weeks around here. Back-to-school time means work is busier than ever and this fall, I've really struggled to find a balance between career woman and being Tory's mom. If I had the option, I'd choose motherhood all day long. Unfortunately work is a part of my life these days, and I'm not one to give less than 110% when someone's counting on me to deliver results. Pre-baby days, I worked from home many fall evenings when busy days prevented me from crossing anything off my to-do list but now with Tory in the mix and a part-time schedule, I'm challenged to find enough hours in the day to balance it all. I absolutely, positively cannot flash any sign of weakness at work for fear my boss (or actually, my boss' boss) will question my part-time schedule and my ability to manage both worlds. What if she comes to me and says this schedule isn't working? That I'll need to come back full-time? I would die. I refuse to be away from my baby girl for more hours than I already am in a week.

What's more, Tory's been teething and sleeping like garbage. I've been up with her every two hours most nights the last few weeks and waking up in the wee morning hours to work from home before leaving for my actual job. Last night / this morning, I was up with Tory at 11:30pm, fell asleep in the rocking chair until 1:30am, then stumbled back to my own bed for a few hours of sleep. She woke up again at 3:00am and as I was rocking her back to sleep, I was half-dreaming / half-panic attacking about work crap. I laid her down to sleep and decided I'd just get up and start knocking items off my to-do list. Today, I started work at 3:00am. Yes, it's as ridiculous as it sounds.

All this to say I'm running on energy and patience. I've barely talked to my husband in weeks because he's just as swamped at work as I am. Every night, I count the minutes until bedtime because I cannot wait to lay down and not have to respond to barking orders from anyone. I want more hours in the day to read blogs (and write on mine, too!), trim my fingernails or watch the news. I feel guilty for being less than thrilled to read board books to my baby girl or follow her as she toddles around the living room a million times because I am just too freaking tired to keep up.

This time of year will pass, it always does, but not before I'm exhausted, stressed and over-loaded. I hate feeling this way. Balancing motherhood and a busy work schedule is more effort than I wish to contribute. I'm fantasizing about a day my calendar doesn't blow during the months of August, September and October; one that has me solely focused on being a devoted mom to my baby girl.

Signed,

Twin Cities Mom Trying to Have It All