I love being a Stay At Home Mama. I really, really, really do. I've never felt more at peace with myself, more whole inside, more balanced than I do in this point in my life.
Once a week, Andi's cousin comes to babysit Tory for four hours so I can have some alone time. It's the only four hours I get a week where I get to be by myself for a few minutes - guilt free. Even when Andi's home on nights and weekends, I'm technically on the clock. It's great having him home so I'm not doing everything solo, but it's still parenting. It's not a big deal, obviously. I love being a mom. I wouldn't trade a single second for anything.
But, there are times I desperately need those four hours a week to recharge myself. On those days, I count the minutes until that little break comes along and I can run errands by myself (oh, how easy it is to run into the grocery store! To browse the aisles of Target without wrangling a kiddo to stay seated in the cart! To make a leisurely trip to a clothing store and actually try something on before purchasing!) or just sit in a coffee shop and write out my meal plan for the next week. On those days, four quiet hours are crucial to setting my mind right so I can go back to parenting Tory will all the patience and kindness she deserves.
There are also times when I feel like having a weekly babysitter is a big waste of money because I don't really need the break. It feels selfish and frivolous. Sometimes, Tory is napping and sleeping at night like a champ. Sometimes, her giggles far outweigh any tears. Sometimes, she'll quietly play on her own for 10 minutes while I unload the dishwasher or fold laundry. On those days, I feel like I'm just driving around killing time when I should really be at home cleaning my house or making dinner.
But, it's not a waste of money or my time. I need to keep reminding myself of this. I deserve to have a break, too, in a job that has me on the clock 24/7. It doesn't make me a bad mother for arranging some time away from Tory, and I shouldn't feel guilty for wanting to recharge myself, even on the days when I don't necessarily need to be refueled. I don't know why that concept is such a tough pill for me to swallow sometimes, but I need to get out of my own way and accept that it's okay for me to do something nice for myself once and a while.
You definitely need to take time for you - good for you for getting a babysitter! One of those days, you need a pedicure while you have a babysitter. Take a load off instead of just running errands!
ReplyDeleteTime off is good for the psyche, and it makes you a better parent.
I used to struggle with this too, and still do occasionally. It's tough to spend the money on childcare when I'm not working and could technically take care of them 100% of the time. But man oh man, the idea of running errands with a 1 and 3 year old while 8 months pregnant is pretty much my nightmare! I justify daycare (L is in preschool and A goes to daycare for two 6 hour days each week) because I don't have family that lives close by that can watch the kids for us for an hour here or there so that I can go to doctors appointments or run errands, etc... Also, we chose to use daycare over a nanny/sitter because that time also offers the kids a nice social outlet at the same time. Sometimes I toy with the idea of taking A out of daycare since I'm home all the time now, but she just LOVES going to daycare so much, I wouldn't do that to her. Every day when we drop L off at school, A asks if she is going to daycare and gets really bummed when it's not a daycare day. And I notice she gets a bit bored at home with just me since she is used to L being around to play with her most of the time.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I think our sanity as SAHM is worth something. And if 4 hours a week of alone time helps to center and ground you and be a better mother to your child, than it is DEFINITELY worth it! I also have house cleaners and often use a grocery delivery service, which probably makes me look like the worlds laziest person, but at this stage in our lives, if we can manage to splurge on those things and it makes me a happier more focused mom/wife, than it's worth it!
The saying "It takes a village" has more meaning to it than we realize and we just don't have that same community support that moms did back in the day, so sometimes we have to create that support for ourselves.