Thankful

By now, I'm sure you've seen the daily posts of gratitude people are sharing on Facebook this month. I'm not one to jump on the bandwagon for this sort of thing, but it has sparked a bit of thanksgiving reflection in my own life as I prepare for the upcoming holiday. Aside from the obvious things like fantastic friends and family and the opportunity to be a stay-at-home-mama (of which I am very grateful for), lately I'm also thankful for the blessing of life and some of the simplest pleasures.

My very best friend, Ashley, gave birth to her first child yesterday and I'm absolutely over the moon about the news of her baby boy's arrival. Not only does this mean I have another little one to love and spoil to pieces, but now I'm also connected to my best friend on a whole new level. I'm trying reeeally hard to give her space to adjust and learn her new role as a mother but I'm just so stinkin' excited I could burst right through the phone and squeeze her! Tory and I are flying down to Nebraska to visit them in December and I can hardly wait to hold him and give my friend a giant hug. God is so GOOD. What a blessing.

I'm thankful for new friendships, like those I made in New Orleans this past weekend or local ones like Raising Snowpeas. This year I've worked to develop new friendships and it's paying off. At 31 and after living in this city for six years, I finally feel like I'm hitting my groove and coming into the woman I'm suppose to be. It feels good to grow in new ways.

Sometimes it's the small things and lately I'm thankful for Starbucks. Maybe it's a true reflection of my adulthood, but I'm grateful for coffee every single day. I NEED IT. It gives me the get-up-and-go to be a better mom, smarter employee and kinder person. Thank you, caffeine. You really are the best.

As my final day at work draws closer, I'm thankful for the relationships I made there with people I would have likely otherwise never crossed paths. Today as I shared my news of departure with some of my colleagues, everyone thanked me for my efforts and contributions in a lovely, genuine way. It made me feel really special. Appreciated, even. I'm leaving that place on a good note with far more positive memories than the opposite.

I'm thankful my kiddo is sleeping through the night. 'Nuff said.

I'm grateful for technology which allows me to capture memories forever and keep me connected to those far away. Today I was digging through old photos of Andi and I in the early days of our relationships and I was just so glad I had those tangible mementos to hold onto forever.

Life happens so quickly that it's easy to zero in on what's happening right before you. I'm thankful for moments of clarity when I can step back and see all the wonderful things happening around me. I AM SO FORTUNATE and I want to give thanks for life's biggest and smallest blessings.

There's Always a Downside

When I made the decision to quit my job for life as a stay-at-home mom, I knew I'd have to pull on my big girl pants and tell my boss in person. That part always sucks at the point of job transition, but I've been in those shoes before and also held my share of managerial positions long enough to realize it's about ripping the Band-Aid. Just do it. Yes, quitting anything stinks. It's uncomfortable and awkward and you honestly feel empathy for the other person. I'm sorry for putting you in such a tight position! Surprisingly though, quitting this job wasn't so difficult. It helped matters that my newly appointed boss is my "best friend" at work (thanks for the classification, Gallup) and sharing my feelings with her has always come fairly easily. Rip the Band-Aid. Done.

What I didn't see coming is all the other people I'd be affecting with my decision. I had to let our nanny go; someone I've grown very fond of and who loves my little girl to pieces. I hated that part, I really did. It hurt me deep down in my gut as I let her go and I hope she knows just how much we're going to miss her. Of course I told her so, but I hope she really understands how much I appreciate her compassion, creativity and patience with my daughter. I want to believe she'll keep in touch, maybe even babysit once and a while, but I completely understand if she cuts ties and moves on with her life. I really don't want to see her go.

I'm not trying to sound superfiscial here, but I'm also really going to miss my house cleaner. I know. I've been spoiled by having this wonderful lady visit once a month and scrub my house from top to bottom. We originally hired her to help around the house when Tory was born because there was no way I could keep up on everything as overwhelmed as I was feeling. Admittedly, we probably could've cut her loose when I got a handle on things a few months later (I mean, I was only working part-time for goodness sake) but she's just so sweet and makes my house look so sparkly and beautiful. It was worth the money for extra time with my girl, that's how I always justified the cost to myself. But now, NOW, I have no excuse. I will be home every day. I am the homemaker. This is what I signed up to do. And now I'll be forced to clean my husband's shaved whiskers off the bathroom vanity because there is no one else assigned to this job but me. WEEP.

I'm also worried I'll suck at being a housewife. Sure, I've got the mommy part down and I know I'll kick butt at creating fun activities for Tory and I to do together. I can even clean toilets and whisker mess, fine! But what if I don't live up to Andi's expectations? What if he comes home and asks what the heck I've been doing all day? What if he starts to see less in me as a wife because I'm no longer the career-driven woman he married? I'm sure he's reading this right now and rolling his eyes at how ridiculous I'm being, but what if?

I sort of made this half-joking offer to make my husband lunch everyday. "Think of all the money we'll save if you're not eating out everyday," I said to him a few weeks before I got the go-ahead to quit my job. I worry about his stress level and the amount of (or lack of) food he consumes during the day because he's just so dang busy at work so I volunteered to send him off everyday with a packed lunch, just as a good housewife does. Then I actually started to think about what that entails. The guy doesn't like sandwiches. For real. He prefers foods with crunchy textures. He doesn't always want leftovers. What the heck am I going to make him every single day for weeks and years to come? What if I take the time to make him a special lunch and he ends up bringing it back home untouched because "oops sorry, he had a working lunch meeting" kind of deal. I will be so defeated. That'll burn me right up. So trivial, I know, but this is the stuff I think about these days. Welcome to my appropriately named blog, Live Inside My Bubble.

I have to say, I'm a little surprised with people's reaction to my stay-at-home-mom news. Every single person I've told has fallen into exactly three categories: 1) Genuinely happy and for a few, a little envious (which I get, I've been there) 2) A little bit snotty as in "must be nice to be able to afford such a luxury," or 3) Ha! I'd strangle my kids if I had to stay home with them. I really don't know how to react, so I've taken the policy of not bringing up the topic with anyone anymore. It's an awkward conversation to have with someone and I feel the need to justify our decision over and over again. We will be making sacrifices to make this arrangement work for our family because Andi and I believe it's the right thing to do for us in this moment. I guess I don't have to explain our thoughts to anyone and yet, I feel like I do.

It's so ridiculous I'm worrying about all of this stuff, right? The decision is done, this is happening. I'm not regretting my decision to be a stay-at-home-mom in the least bit. I'm actually really, really excited and thankful for the opportunity. The sacrifices Andi is making by working double-duty are not lost on me. I can clean up messes and pack a lunch if it means I get to spend every day with my Tory Bean. What am I really complaining about? I guess it's just the fear of the unknown. I'll know soon enough if I'm cut out for this line of work. I'm sure there will be an adjustment period, just like there is with every job. This time though, it affects the center of my world: my family, so it's kind of a big deal.

Mother Knows Best

Last week, Tory came down with a crazy-bad diaper rash right before I left on my New Orleans trip. Of course these things have a way with timing as I was just about ready to leave her in Andi's care for three days. Up to this point, Tory's never had anything a generous goop of Bordeaux's Butt Paste couldn't cure, but this time was different. She had several days of diarrhea brought on by the impending arrival of her first-year bottom molars and it was irritating her skin faster than we could heal it. The standard tricks of warm baths, changing her diaper frequently, creams and using warm wash cloths in lieu of diaper wipes weren't helping. I called the pediatrician's office on Wednesday, but they weren't much help in suggesting alternatives.

So, I called my mom for advice. Sometimes moms just know the right answer, you know? She reassured me it sounded like teething symptoms to her as well, and ran through a laundry list of remedies I'd already tried. Then she offered an out-of-the box suggestion that worked wonders, so I thought I'd share it here.

"Just trust me," she said. "Take some flour or corn starch and brown it in a skillet, just enough so it turns brown but not burnt." (She always has to give me very detailed directions when it comes to cooking. You'd think common sense would weigh it, but no, not where I'm involved). Then she told me to pat the browned flour or corn starch (I used flour) onto Tory's bottom after I changed her diaper. Actually, she suggested using a pizza or flour shaker to sprinkle it on but I didn't have anything like that at home so I used my fingers  to pat the browned flour generously onto her bottom area.

You guys, IT WORKED. I did exactly as I was instructed and Tory's bottom looked 80% better the next morning. The diaper rash was still there, but hardly as severe as it was the evening before. Isn't that the wildest old wives-tale trick you've ever heard?

Poor Tory endured diaper rash for a few more days unfortunately, as the diarrhea kept on coming. Andi cut her off from dairy products and pumped her full of Pedialyte before it finally healed. He also picked up some Baby Anti Monkey Butt, which is primarily made of corn starch, and that seemed to help as well. Her molar still hasn't pushed through the gums so we're fighting through a few more days of teething around our house. Hopefully the tooth fairy has pity on her little mouth and we'll be in the clear soon.

A New Chapter

Oh hey, I quit my job the other day. That might be worth mentioning on the ol' blog. I made it six years at my workplace, which is a bit shocking when I think back to the gallons of wine I consumed after work every day to get me through that first year. Somehow I adapted to a very different work culture than I was accustomed to and over time, I folded right into the landscape. On most days, I enjoyed what I did and felt accomplished about the work I contributed.

It wasn't a small straw that broke the camel's back or one big incident that pushed me over the edge. Andi came home from work at the end of October and said he had some good news and some bad news for me (isn't that how it always goes)? The Good: I could quit my job tomorrow, he said. Our aspirations for family, finances and careers were falling into place. Why wait until a second baby is born or some date we'd circled on the calendar. The Bad: The year 2013 means work, work, work for my husband. The upside/downside of owning a successful small business.

For me, all I've ever wanted was to be a mother and now that I am one, there's no place else I'd rather be than at home with my baby girl. Meet my new boss: she's one high maintenance lady.

I'm so very fortunate to have this opportunity to raise my little girl every single day. I have big dreams for our time together. I know the road ahead won't be all sunshine and rainbows; I've been a part-time at-home mama long enough to realize there's a lot of poop and puke and mess in my future, with not a lot of recognition. I know I'll be doing the solo parenting gig more often than I'd like (remind me of this post when I"m down-in-the-dumps lonely and frustrated with Andi's crazy work schedule). 

My bosses were very supportive of my decision, and truly weren't all that surprised. I've really enjoyed my time working there and now I'm ready to start a new chapter in my life. My priorities have changed and I'm anxious to do something I know I'm really good at: being a mom.

So, here goes nothing! My new gig starts November 21.

The Blathering, New Orleans

What they say is true: Come to The Blathering to find your people. I went to New Orleans to meet my e-bffs Laura and Lacey in person and wound up making friends with sixty funny, engaging women gathered in the same place.

Thursday night, I arrived at the airport and met Lacey and a few others arriving in at a similar time. A little bit nervous and mostly excited for a weekend of sightseeing, great food and girl chatter ahead, we cabbed to our hotel at the Astor Crowne Plaza in the French Quarter. The roar of so many high-pitched girlie voices all in one room was a bit overwhelming at first so Lacey, Laura and I decided to split off for dinner to get to know one another in person. We ate at Le Bayou Restaurant and were seated at a quiet table on the second floor, perfect for catching up with one another. I ordered a New Orleans classic, the Muffaletta sandwich, which was literally bigger than my head. It didn’t disappoint.

The three of us chatted like long lost girlfriends. It’s unreal to meet someone in person after you know so much about them from the Internet, emails and texts. Already friends, but asking one other basic questions about jobs and kids and family. The Internet, it’s such a crazy phenomenon.

We stopped for a drink at The Old Absinthe House, a haunted bar on Bourbon Street. It didn’t feel very haunted while we were there, but it was fun to be in a place where history exuded from on the walls. Andi pressured me to try a hurricane cocktail before I left as if no trip to Bourbon Street would be complete with out tasting one. I’m lame; I opted for local beer instead. Rum and fruit juice just doesn’t seem like my thing. After drinks, the three of us also wandered the French Quarter, dodging beads and taking in the action. Bourbon Street was far less smelly and gross than I imagined, so win? Maybe it was because I found myself mom-ish and in bed by midnight. Maybe I missed the part when Bourbon Street gets really raunchy.

Laura, Lacey and I stopped at Café Beinget for coffee and signature beingets on Friday morning. The café was open-air and adorable, with tiny wrought-iron tables and New Orleans décor. I was having an amazing time until dirty birds started dive-bombing my head in the café. Then a cat strolled indoors. Why do dirty birds and random felines always find me? Suddenly, I was transported into my own personal hell as Laura and Lacey laughed at my shrieking.

We met the remainder of the group for a jazz brunch at Court of Two Sisters. Another outdoor patio and Blathering conversations with attendees from across the country.

Some of our group decided to take a horse-drawn carriage ride through the French Quarter and it was a wonderful opportunity to see the area and learn a little history at the same time. We saw Bourbon Street up close, old houses and Nicolas Cage’s estate. The tour guide looked at us like we were crazy when we asked for directions to the Real World house. What? It was a top priority for thirty-something moms on vacation.

After the French Quarter tour, Laura, Lacey and I decided to find a classic New Orleans cemetery. This was one of the things on my “must see” list so we walked the streets of the French Quarter before finally arriving at the St. Louis Cemetery #1 just a few blocks away. Our iPhone maps led us on a few wrong turns, but I’m glad we stayed the course because the cemetery was one of the best things I experienced all weekend. There was so much history inside those old walls. It was nothing like I’d ever seen anywhere else in the world. I wish we would’ve signed up for an actual cemetery tour so we could have learned more detail to exactly what we were looking at, but St. Louis Cemetery #1 was still worth the trip.

The Blathering organizers rented a bed and breakfast for Friday night’s dinner. What a unique idea! I loved how homey and low-key our evening was with everyone on Friday night. It gave all sixty of us a chance to mingle around the party without shouting over loud restaurant music and the decor felt so warm and inviting.

My least favorite part of New Orleans wasn’t Bourbon Street after all, but the noisy drunk people who stumbled through the hotel all hours of the night. I slept with earplugs and a pillow over my head to drown out the sound of annoying people coming home at all hours of the night. The French Quarter was surprisingly clean compared to my expectations (which must’ve been pretty low considering I did step over my share of sludge and puke in the streets), but the noise. I didn’t prepare myself for that. Read also: I am getting OLD!

Saturday morning, The Blathering rented out Daisy Dukes restaurant for breakfast. I think meal times were some of my favorite memories of the weekend together. It was always so fun to sit with someone new and chat over food and cocktails throughout the weekend.

After breakfast, a big group of us cabbed to the Garden District to shop on Magazine Street. Admittedly, I didn’t do much research for this trip so I was a little disappointed the Garden District didn’t actually include gardens. The shopping was okay; I wasn’t really interested in lugging souvenirs back home in my suitcase so I window-browsed mostly. Still, it was fun to walk around pretty neighborhoods and enjoy the perfectly warm and sunny weather.

Several us met at the famous Café Du Monde for beingets and coffee on Saturday afternoon. I wasn’t convinced I needed to have another beignet since I’d already tried them the day before, but they were amazingly tasty at Café Du Monde. Definitely work the visit. I also loved the way a poof of powdered sugar floated through the air every time one of us took a bite of our flaky fried pastry.

Laura, Lacey and I broke from the group and wandered Jackson Square for the rest of the afternoon. There are so many street performers around the French Quarter, I could have been entertained for hours by all the people watching. Laura stopped for a tarot card palm reading from some gypsy-looking lady while Lacey and I sat upon the St. Louis Cathedral stairs and watching all the action around us. It really couldn’t have been a more perfect way to spend a Saturday.

We stopped at Royal House Oyster Bar for a cocktail and sat on an old thin second-story balcony and chatted while the music of street performers played below us.

Saturday night dinner was at Tujagues Restaurant. Once again, The Blathering organizers out-did themselves with beautiful decor. Dressing up for a fancy dinner on Saturday night is so uncharacteristic of my daily life so it all felt so special. I opted out of the shrimp remoulade and seafood gumbo courses at dinner – I know, shame! – for not tasting very New Orleans speciality. Lacey and I did a little more souvenir shopping after dinner before cozying up in our pjs and recapping the weekend back at the hotel. I had a wonderful weekend getaway and I’m so happy I took the plunge to sign up for The Blathering. I missed my husband and baby girl terribly, but I will also always remember the great memories we shared in New Orleans. 

Blathering Vlog (that's really a post)

Well, I'm about a day late and a dollar short on this one but that's the way I roll these days. Some of The Blathering ladies posted vlogs so we could all hear each other's voices before we meet this weekend and some ladies answered questions in a post format instead. I'm of the latter category because taking a video of myself sounds complicated and unflattering. And since I'm late posting this anyway, I've probably already met everyone - ha! - so this really serves no purpose at all. At least my sister will enjoy reading it, so here goes:


Why did you start blogging?
A co-worker friend shared her pregnancy blog with me some three years ago and I discovered the fabulous world of reading intimate details about other people's lives on the Internet. I was hooked and thought I'd write my own blog to chronicle my life and share every tiny detail about myself. You should know I like to have my opinions heard.

2. What’s your favorite TV show?
It used to be How I Met Your Mother, back in the pre-kid days when we had cable and I had the energy to watch television in the evening. These days, we're pretty hooked on Gossip Girl through Netflix when we get around to watching something.

3. What’s your favorite adult beverage?
I love a glass of red wine. Or beer when I'm feeling casual. Not a big fan of cocktails because I get drunk too fast, although I prefer using the word cocktail in reference to drinking because it sounds way fancier than "wanna meet for beers later?" (Like I have the opportunity to meet anyone for beers these days).

4. Who are you leaving at home?
My adorable little Tory Bean and my husband, Andi. They'll be fine together, right? RIGHT?

5. What are your holiday plans?
My advent calendar list of activities indicates I'll be doing lots of baking and crafting.

6. Where were you born?
Nebraska - the good life.

7. Best vacation you’ve ever taken?
Ooh, toughy. My husband and I have been on some pretty dynamite vacations. Panama is right up there, along with our trip to Paris. I should say our honeymoon in Thailand by default, but half of it was spent in a hotel room while my husband nearly died from food poisoning.

8. Are you better in large or small groups?
I'm best in groups where I know all the people, so good thing I've been stalking all the attendees on Twitter for months and studied their bios on the plane. (ha ha, just kidding). (Not really).

9. Three things attendees might not know about you:
It's hard to think of three things people don't know about me that I haven't already shared on the Internet.

1) My husband and I communicate through my blog and iPhone calendar updates. It's 2012, there's nothing wrong with that, right?

2) I have a hard time coordinating clothing accessories, so I probably won't be a wearing any bling this weekend. Sorry 'bout that.

3) I tend to be a little on the naive side of things, so if someone invites me to a party and it's actually a prostitute looking for a good time, feel free to step in and interject. I need the help.

10. What book are you going to read on the plane?
The Fault in Our Stars is on my Kindle right now, but I keep falling asleep at night when I read it. Or better yet, maybe I'll just close my eyes and take a little snooze in peace.

Out of my comfort zone

As you read this, I'm aboard an airplane in route to New Orleans. The Blathering weekend is finally here and my stomach is in knots over it. I left my baby girl for the first time today. Well, that's not true. I left her for an overnight work trip to Chicago last spring and our anniversary trip to Vail in July. But still! It feels like I'm leaving her for the first time and it hurts just the same. I know Tory will be fine with Andi all weekend and I know she's probably too young to realize how long I'm away from her but GULP, I'm missing out on three days of my baby's life!

On the reverse, I'm also reeeally excited to have an entire weekend all to myself. To meet my e-BFFs in the real live flesh. To drink fancy cocktails and eat beignets and sleep late if I want to (although I doubt we'll be doing much of that). I don't think I've ever been on an official girl's weekend away, at least to somewhere fancier than Des Moines, and it's going to be lovely to recharge myself. Plus, I've never been to New Orleans so I'm excited to go sightseeing and for the craziness of Bourbon Street. That said, I not a big fan of crowds and stupid, drunk people so maybe I'm not so excited for Bourbon Street? Everyone should see it once, right? I'm excited for that part.

I'm a jeans and a t-shirt kind of girl, so wardrobe choices for this trip were stressing me out big time. All the talk on Twitter was of sparkly heels, sequins and jewelry - things I do not own and wish not to purchase. I attempted to go shopping at Mall of America on Monday but with Andi traveling this week, I had to take Tory with me. You can imagine how much fun I had trying on clothes while body-blocking my toddler from escaping underneath the dressing room walls. I walked away with a few dresses from Old Navy (essentially every single one that's featured on their website cover, oops. Hope no one else had the same idea or that'll be awkward)! The weather's suppose to be 75 and beautiful, but my brain has already transitioned to winter wear so that's a bit of a challenge as well. I packed a blazer and jeans and I'll probably be sweating to death, but oh well. It is what it is and I'm already packed. DONE. (I did throw in a sequin Express tank from 2002 so at least I'll have some sparkly back-up if push comes to shove. I knew there was a reason I hung on to that for the last ten years).

Andi seems to think we'll all be boozy and wild this weekend. Mothers cut loose on vacation, he says. Maybe that'll be the case. Maybe not. I have been working to increase my drinking tolerance to two glasses of wine in preparation. I keep repeating the same mantra to myself: Do not be hungover. Step out of your comfort zone. Talk to people! Do not appear snotty. HAVE FUN.

Here I go!