Wednesday, November 14, 2012

There's Always a Downside

When I made the decision to quit my job for life as a stay-at-home mom, I knew I'd have to pull on my big girl pants and tell my boss in person. That part always sucks at the point of job transition, but I've been in those shoes before and also held my share of managerial positions long enough to realize it's about ripping the Band-Aid. Just do it. Yes, quitting anything stinks. It's uncomfortable and awkward and you honestly feel empathy for the other person. I'm sorry for putting you in such a tight position! Surprisingly though, quitting this job wasn't so difficult. It helped matters that my newly appointed boss is my "best friend" at work (thanks for the classification, Gallup) and sharing my feelings with her has always come fairly easily. Rip the Band-Aid. Done.

What I didn't see coming is all the other people I'd be affecting with my decision. I had to let our nanny go; someone I've grown very fond of and who loves my little girl to pieces. I hated that part, I really did. It hurt me deep down in my gut as I let her go and I hope she knows just how much we're going to miss her. Of course I told her so, but I hope she really understands how much I appreciate her compassion, creativity and patience with my daughter. I want to believe she'll keep in touch, maybe even babysit once and a while, but I completely understand if she cuts ties and moves on with her life. I really don't want to see her go.

I'm not trying to sound superfiscial here, but I'm also really going to miss my house cleaner. I know. I've been spoiled by having this wonderful lady visit once a month and scrub my house from top to bottom. We originally hired her to help around the house when Tory was born because there was no way I could keep up on everything as overwhelmed as I was feeling. Admittedly, we probably could've cut her loose when I got a handle on things a few months later (I mean, I was only working part-time for goodness sake) but she's just so sweet and makes my house look so sparkly and beautiful. It was worth the money for extra time with my girl, that's how I always justified the cost to myself. But now, NOW, I have no excuse. I will be home every day. I am the homemaker. This is what I signed up to do. And now I'll be forced to clean my husband's shaved whiskers off the bathroom vanity because there is no one else assigned to this job but me. WEEP.

I'm also worried I'll suck at being a housewife. Sure, I've got the mommy part down and I know I'll kick butt at creating fun activities for Tory and I to do together. I can even clean toilets and whisker mess, fine! But what if I don't live up to Andi's expectations? What if he comes home and asks what the heck I've been doing all day? What if he starts to see less in me as a wife because I'm no longer the career-driven woman he married? I'm sure he's reading this right now and rolling his eyes at how ridiculous I'm being, but what if?

I sort of made this half-joking offer to make my husband lunch everyday. "Think of all the money we'll save if you're not eating out everyday," I said to him a few weeks before I got the go-ahead to quit my job. I worry about his stress level and the amount of (or lack of) food he consumes during the day because he's just so dang busy at work so I volunteered to send him off everyday with a packed lunch, just as a good housewife does. Then I actually started to think about what that entails. The guy doesn't like sandwiches. For real. He prefers foods with crunchy textures. He doesn't always want leftovers. What the heck am I going to make him every single day for weeks and years to come? What if I take the time to make him a special lunch and he ends up bringing it back home untouched because "oops sorry, he had a working lunch meeting" kind of deal. I will be so defeated. That'll burn me right up. So trivial, I know, but this is the stuff I think about these days. Welcome to my appropriately named blog, Live Inside My Bubble.

I have to say, I'm a little surprised with people's reaction to my stay-at-home-mom news. Every single person I've told has fallen into exactly three categories: 1) Genuinely happy and for a few, a little envious (which I get, I've been there) 2) A little bit snotty as in "must be nice to be able to afford such a luxury," or 3) Ha! I'd strangle my kids if I had to stay home with them. I really don't know how to react, so I've taken the policy of not bringing up the topic with anyone anymore. It's an awkward conversation to have with someone and I feel the need to justify our decision over and over again. We will be making sacrifices to make this arrangement work for our family because Andi and I believe it's the right thing to do for us in this moment. I guess I don't have to explain our thoughts to anyone and yet, I feel like I do.

It's so ridiculous I'm worrying about all of this stuff, right? The decision is done, this is happening. I'm not regretting my decision to be a stay-at-home-mom in the least bit. I'm actually really, really excited and thankful for the opportunity. The sacrifices Andi is making by working double-duty are not lost on me. I can clean up messes and pack a lunch if it means I get to spend every day with my Tory Bean. What am I really complaining about? I guess it's just the fear of the unknown. I'll know soon enough if I'm cut out for this line of work. I'm sure there will be an adjustment period, just like there is with every job. This time though, it affects the center of my world: my family, so it's kind of a big deal.

6 comments:

  1. Only you know what is right for you! Once I became a SAHM, I was thrilled (and still am). Yes you will have your ups and downs, but think, you'll get to spend so much time with Tory! With this change, maybe your travel dates can change a bit (by literally a week or two) and you won't have to miss out on ski season when you visit - just a thought!!
    Good luck with your next job - because it truly is one - you'll be shaping Tory (and hopefully more kiddos) life, how very important!!!
    Xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  2. As you probably know, I fall into category 1 with a side of 3. I think this is so exciting for you and your family, and I know you will be so happy with the extra Tory time. I would have LOVED LOVED LOVED to be a SAHM with just one kid, but I think it could get overwhelming with more - I go batty just on the weekend sometimes. I think my own personal ideal situation would be working 3 days a week - maybe someday! As for the "it must be nice" people, they can suck it. I can't afford to stay at home, but I would NEVER try to cut someone else down just because they can. I am so happy that you and Andi have worked hard to put yourselves in a position where you can, and I hope it brings you tons of happiness!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Oh sister, you're such an amazing mama that there is no possible way you could fall into the "what have you been doing all day" category...besides, Andi wouldn't dare say that to you. He loves you because of you, not where you worked...Be strong, confident and the sister I know. She's not afraid of "what ifs", my sister is like, "Im gonna take on this new role and rock it"! Your home, your child and your family are happy and healthy because of you. As far as Andi's whiskers...use my approach...after time and time again of asking him to clean up after himself, next time you go into the bathroom and have to clean them up, simply wipe them up, then go find something of his and throw it in the garbage...hehe, works great for releasing my stress! Borderline Crazy? Eh, whatev! Everyone will benefit from you being home more... besides,just think of all the Christmas projects you'll accomplish!

    ReplyDelete
  4. One of the biggest challenges of SAHM-dom (to me) is that there are no deliverables. You can't really point to x, y and z as what you did that day because it all kind of smooshes together. Yes, I can show my husband B's art work, tell him I cleaned the kitchen several times, went on a playdate, did the grocery shopping etc etc, but it's still not the same as turning in a big report or finishing a presentation. It's much less tangible.

    And that can be hard. Especially when at the end of the day you see the mess from the art supplies that you didn't get a chance to clean up, the disaster area from anywhere your toddler touched, and the fact that you weren't able to ever change out of gym clothes after working out.

    I'm sure you will make the adjustment beautifully, but some things that have helped me are making chore check-lists for myself and also setting limits. I limit tv to X minutes a day for Bella. If it goes over that, then I know I'm slacking at my job. I spread out errands so we get out of the house every day, that is a learning experience for the kids & good that it involves new things/people.

    And I remind myself that the biggest part of my job is simply in keeping the kids routines & lives in order and providing them consistency and fun and safety and all that good mama/parent stuff.

    Okay, this is rambly and I got to get to preschool pick-up!

    It is a tricky adjustment and it takes some self-reflection but the fact you are so ready to jump in with both feet (and have already been doing it PT) means you'll do so well with the change.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Didn't comment on your first post, but congrats! This is awesome news.

    I think I fall into the camp of 1 (without the envy) with a side of 3 for sure. I agree wholeheartedly with Laura D - SAHM with one kid? Amazing. With 2+? Frightening. Obviously many people do it and love it, but definitely not for me.

    I would share a lot of your concerns if I were ever to SAH. Mostly not being seen as an "equal" to my husband, but I know that would be my own issues, not anything he'd put on me. I'm sure it'll be an adjustment, but I think you'll be great at it!!

    ReplyDelete
  6. I'm only four paragraphs in and I'm sure I'll come back and comment again later (lunch break is over!) but we neeeeeed to talk. Or, to be less dramatic, I'd love to talk about this with you:). I am thinking all the same things and am petrified at times. Mostly about my husband's expectations. Eeek! I'm glad someone else is going through the same stuff.

    ReplyDelete