Division of Labor

I'm stealing this Division of Labor post idea from Raising Snowpeas and The Diniwilks because I think it's so interesting to hear how other marriages share the responsibility of parenting and all the other stuff fairytales forget to mention. For Andi and I, here's how the division of labor is split in our household: 

Child Care: Mostly me. When Andi and I decided to have a baby, I completely understood I'd be the primarily child care provider in our relationship. Anyone who is acquianted with us in real life or through this blog, knows how hard my husband works to provide for our family by bringing home the bacon. He's a great dad to Tory and is completely involved in her life, but as far as the day-to-day responsibilities of diaper changes, bedtime, baths, etc., the tasks generally default to me. It's always been my dream to be a mother so I'm fine with this and honestly, I have a certain way I like things accomplished so it's easier on me if I just do it how I like it to be done. Where major child rearing decisions and discipline are concerned, Andi and I discuss our opinions and decide together how we'll raise Tory. Otherwise, most day-to-day child rearing is up to me.

Time off:  As I eluded to above, Andi works 12-15 hour days and often travels for his job. Some months are easier than others in terms of work volume. During the week, there isn't much "time off" for either of us. By the time he returns home from work, he's usually so wiped we have a quick dinner and an hour to relax before bedtime. That means I'm solo parenting every day during the week which obviously leaves little "time off" for me either. During my free time, I try to crank out chores around the house, meal plan and make freezer meals.

The "free time" we usually have is spend together as a family. We make it a priority to spend time at our lake cabin in Wisconsin whenever possible, even if it's just for a day. As I'm mentioned a million times, the cabin is our retreat and helps us stay centered around all that's important: our family. Andi's parents are fantastic in lending babysitting for Tory whenever Andi and I feel like we need some alone time together. During slower times in Andi's work schedule, we try to plan a date night for the two of us a couple times a month. The next two months are super busy for Andi at work, plus the holidays, so we're planning a little getaway for the two of us sometime in February.

Food: In our household, I do all meal planning and grocery shopping. Andi and I share in cooking responsibilities. I'm usually the one who makes dinner most week nights, but it's only because I'm at home. He usually cleans up dinner while I rock Tory to sleep, or sometimes we clean up together if she's already in bed. On the weekends, Andi and I split cooking duties depending on who's hungry and the particular food being cooked (aka: I refuse to operate the grill).

Very rarely do Andi and I order take-out and if we do, it's usually Vietnamese from a place down the street. Typical meals for us are casserole (or "hot dish" as Minnesotans like to call it), breaded chicken breasts with steamed veggies, enchiladas, or something in the slow cooker. 

Housecleaning:  All me. Up until yesterday, we had a lovely housecleaner who visited once a month to do a deep clean on all the most dreaded jobs - toilets, showers, bathroom vanities, etc. (She did other stuff too, but those are the ones I was so thankful I rarely had to do myself). Now that I'm a SAHM, all the cleaning with default to me. I guess that's okay. Andi and I have different standards when it comes to level of "clean" and I always find myself re-doing cleaning jobs he's already done. I like the dishwasher loaded a certain way; towels folded with the pretty fold-side facing outwards, and laundry sorted according to my own method. Therefore, it causes less anxiety if I just do it myself. Sometimes, Andi throws his laundry in the tri-comparment basket system in our laundry room and mixes up all the colors. I try not to get angry when he does this and focus on the fact that he actually put his laundry in the basket. Glass half full, Grasshopper.

Our cleaning breakdown: I do all laundry, floors, counter tops, dusting, dishes (and now toilets, showers), etc.; Andi takes out the trash and recycling. 

House decorating:  Split evenly. Andi and I have very similar taste where decorating is concerned. When we moved into our house in 2011, it literally took us one evening to furnish our entire place because we agreed on everything so quickly. Every frame on the wall, every rug on the floor was peacefully chosen together. 

Yard work:  Mixed. Andi is not a handy guy. Technically, he's perfectly capable of mowing the lawn or shoveling snow, but he hates it ... and I don't like when he's in a bad mood. In our previous house in the city, our yard was small and I had the most beautiful flower beds and potted plants on display. I took so much pride in caring for our yard. When we moved into our current house in 2011, I was 9 months pregnant and physically unable to do anything other than sitting in a chair with my feet up. Andi hired a mowing service for both this house and our old house in the city (which we still own and rent). Our current yard was in pretty bad shape when we bought the house so we relandscaped last summer. I assumed watering duties for the remainder of the season and will do the same next year. We also employ a snow removal service because GAH, shoveling snow stinks and neither one of us wants to do it.

We are also responsible for all yard work at the lake cabin and Andi takes care of all mowing, raking, chopping wood and beach maintenance. For some reason, he likes doing those jobs at the cabin.

Communications:  For the most part, I like to think Andi and I have really good communication in our marriage. We use the calendars on our phones to share Andi's travel schedule, Tory's swimming lessons and future date nights. I've found the more Andi communicates details about his work schedule, the less times my feelings are hurt. He does a great job of setting expectations for the simple things like what time he'll be home in the evenings to how week-long work events will go. If I have an appointment or a date planned with friends, I do the same by communicating my plans with him early and often.

As extracurricular events and appointments are concerned, I take care of all things related to Tory. We each schedule our own appointments to the doctor and dentist. This fall when we scheduled family photos, we talked about dates and photographers together, I scheduled the appointment and Andi coordinated payment.

Finances: All Andi. Admittedly, I have no idea what bills we pay, when they're due or where most of our money goes. I operate in a bubble most of the time and let Andi assume all responsibility. Andi and I have separate bank accounts. He pays for mostly everything because he makes more money (especially now I will no longer have a paycheck) and I pay for Tory's necessities (diapers, wipes, clothes), my own clothes, house utilities and food. It's no secret, Andi is the big spender in our family and I'd probably have heart palpitations if I knew where our money was going each month.

We also have three rental properties and Andi takes care of everything associated with them.  

Activities: Mostly Andi. My husband likes to be in charge and unless I have a strong feeling on the subject, I just let him. He plans all of our vacations; I just show up with my suitcase and have an amazing time. He researches fun things for us to do as a family during cabin weekends; I just show up and have a good time! See a pattern? If I have an idea about something I'd like to do, Andi is game to try it.

Who wears the pants: Mostly Andi. Regarding the home: me. Involving everything else: Andi. Truthfully, we're usually in agreement about almost everything, so it's never one person leading the other. In all big decisions, we discuss and come to an agreement together. It just so happens Andi is fairly persuasive.

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For us, this system works and we rarely have disagreements about the day-to-day duties in running our household. Things should be interesting as we switch to only one income and my new role as a stay-at-home-mom. I'm nervous to see how it'll all shake out; Andi is calm as a cucumber about it all. In a few month's time, I'm sure we'll have a good system established just as we've done for the last six years living under one roof.