Never Forget These Days

Yesterday was one of those great, great days. Those truly magical days that only happen once in a while and make you stop in your tracks and realize just how lucky you are to be parenting this child. 

Magical yesterday: I needed you so badly.

Last week was one of the crappiest stretches in time I've had in a while. I missed Andi terribly (the world KNOWS by now I don't do well when he travels for long periods of time) and Tory's general behavior was purely exhausting. I tend to write my feelings here when I haven't talked to Andi for days and I need to vent frustration, so that's what last week's Peaks and Valleys post was about for me. Getting those heavy feelings off my chest.

The weekend was better because Andi was back home and the grandparents offered to babysit Saturday which helped my husband and I reconnect again. Time alone to be grown-ups is always good for the soul. Tory was still being quite ornery for me, but thankfully agreed to let Andi do all the daily chores of feeding, dressing, etc. It felt very strange NOT to be the preferred parent for once. I started to realize I was Tory's trigger in tantrum episodes -- for whatever reason, she was purposely fighting against anything I asked her to do (or tried to do for her, like changing her diaper, OMG, the horror) but would happily let Andi do any of those same things. Fine by me, I guess, since there was actually someone else here to help with those things. That's where solo parenting becomes such a tiring process for both of us, I think. There's almost too much together time for Tory and I during those long weeks in time. In the future, I think I need to build in more babysitter time when Andi travels for long stints because Tory was clearly sick of me and I was near tears by the end of last week. Not a good place for either of us to be.

On Sunday, I hosted a baby shower for a girlfriend and Andi spent the day with Tory. I was a tad relieved to hear he'd had an exhausting day with Tory as well - that it wasn't just me she was acting out against. He had a particularly terrible story to share about their trip to Target earlier in the day and how he now believes me when I say shopping with her is an impossible task. I laughed inside when he told me how she dumped two containers of blueberries on the ground and was pulling things off the shelves at the store. WOW. Just, wow. No further comment. Ha.

An email popped up in my inbox yesterday re: Tory's 20 month update. It would appear the Terrible Two's have knocked on our door a little early, as the article described her recent behavior in a nutshell. There were some tips on how to deal with TT's and now that I can see those behaviors a little more clearly, at least I know that's what I'm dealing with here.

But! Yesterday was fantastic. Tory woke up happy, we played nicely together and she listened to important commands like "stop" when we were outside in the yard. I made an extra special point to be in the moment with her (it's OK that I don't wash the dishes the second we finish breakfast, even though it killed me inside to put it off) and I felt like she was redeeming herself with random, unsolicited hugs and signs of affection. I was consciously aware not to "over play" her outside because I think that was part of the problem last Monday and I built in plenty of mental breaks into our day for snacks and quiet time with books, etc.

Parenting has its good days and bad days and of course, there's going to be some bumps along the road as we experience this journey together. Those wonderfully magical days like yesterday go a long way, though. I'll hang onto those euphoria feelings for as far as they'll take me.