Like a moth to a flame, people are naturally drawn to babies. With Tory in arms, I'm approached at swimming class, the grocery store and even walking around our neighborhood by people who 'want to get a look at the baby.'
When I pass a mother and baby out and about, I make eye contact, smile and give her an intentional head nod. Rarely do I engage in small talk as I know she likely has a to-do list of things she's trying to accomplish before the baby melts down in the middle of the store. Let's face it, I've got the same agenda. And truthfully, I find forced conversation irrelevant and exhausting. Call me an ice queen. It won't be the first time I've heard it.
That isn't to say I won't engage in a conversation with a stranger if they start one first. Minnesota nice, right? I think it might be the law. I answer their questions about Tory's age, share her latest and greatest milestone when prompted and politely smile when I provide the usual response of "no, she's not sleeping through the night just yet." I truly prefer the older ladies commentary over other mothers because the conversation usually ends there. If it's another baby's mama who firing off the questions, I feel obligated to ask her a few questions about her little one as well. I don't know why I have such a problem forcing these questions out of my mouth, but I do. The other day at TJ Maxx, I courtesy-asked how old another mother's baby girl was and when she answered "six months," I all-too-eagerly exclaimed "so tiny!" WHAT? So tiny? What was I even saying? I just finished telling the lady my own daughter was eight months. She probably thought I was an idiot.
And, that's why I don't engage in small-talk conversation. GAH.
The thing about this stranger small-talk issue is that it never goes away. Everywhere I go, someone wants to talk about my child. What really gets me are the people who incorrectly identify Tory's gender. For some reason, elderly people especially, identify all babies as 'little guy.' As in, "how old's your little guy?" Can't you see the PURPLE BLANKET and PINK OUTFIT she's wearing? This drives me bananas. One of our neighbors, who bless his heart is so sweet, cannot for his life remember Tory is a girl, no matter how many times I correct him.
Worse are the people who incorrectly pronounce Tory's name. My beautiful baby girl is often referred to as 'Tony' or 'Troy.' Obviously Tory with a 'y' is a less common way to spell her name and I understand how the letters are easily transposed at first glance. But she's a girl! I just switched to a new pediatrician for this very (albeit silly) reason. The staff at the clinic repeatedly called Tory by the wrong name and often referred to her as a 'he' when I scheduled appointments. Isn't there a notation they could make on her chart to steer clear of this simple mistake? It drove me so bonkers I finally switched practices. I couldn't help but wonder, if the staff couldn't say her name or gender correctly, what other bigger details were they mis-diagnosing?
There's no doubt about it, people love babies and I realize everyone is just being friendly. Aside from the awkwardness and the "little guy" comments, I also know this is such a silly issue of concern. Maybe writing about it here will stop me from spending hours and hours stewing over this topic in my head.
My youngest is a female Avery. The pediatrician's office and dentist's office always calls to schedule appointments for my son. This however is fully my fault for giving a girl a traditionally male name.
ReplyDeleteOh Kara, not your fault! I know a few other female Averys so I don't think her name is unusual at all. In fact, it's adorable.
ReplyDeleteAhhh, I am the exact same way! I loathe small talk, I am so awkward at it and I feel like I'm always the mom who forgets to ask about the other person's baby. So, after I walk away, I feel awful. I'm with you on the gender thing too. It happened all the time with Allie - when she was wearing pink clothes and had pink blankets... and now it happens with Jake - while he's wearing blue clothes and sporting blue blankets. It's not really that hard to just look at the apparel, is it?
ReplyDeleteYeah, the wrong gender thing drives me nuts. We get it more with Lucy than Adriana (perhaps because she looks just like her dad?), and sometimes I can't help myself and say "yep, I dress my boy in pink flowers". Guess that's why there's no such thing as Ohio nice, haha.
ReplyDeleteOH SISTER, HOW YOU CRACK ME UP! FIRST, LETS ACKNOWLEDGE THE FACT THAT I MUST HAVE TAKEN ALL OF THE "SMALL TALK" GENES FROM MOM...I WOULD TALK TO THE WALL IF GIVEN THE CHANCE...SECOND THOUGHT, WE'RE CURSED WITH ABNORMALLY ADORABLE CHILDREN IN OUR FAMILY...JUST ASK ME, TARA AND JEN... TORY BEAN HAPPENS TO BE ONE OF THE MOST PRECIOUS BABIES EVER CREATED(AFTER ALL, SHE LOOKS JUST LIKE YOU) SO YOU'RE IN FOR A LONG HAUL SISTA! :) THINK OF IT AS A CHANCE TO BRAG ALL YOU WANT...
ReplyDeleteThe gender thing would drive me nuts! I too don't really like all the small talk, especially when I've timed all my errands so that we won't have a meltdown!! My biggest peeve - at church the ever-so-loving elderly always play with Thomas' hands...really...GAH!! I do come prepared with sanitizing wipes, but still!
ReplyDeleteMy oh my Chrissy, I think you girls have way to much time to think of things to dwell on. Wouldn't you rather have people ooing and awing over your beautiful babies than looking at them in a standoffish way and not make any admiring comments. It seems to me that you should be thankful for the blessings of gorgeous babies. As
ReplyDeletefar as the small talk goes, deal with it, don't be rude. Life will be much easier if you are friendly and be thankful someone will or wants to speak to you. Quit being so judgmental, life is too short.