Rough Patch

The last two weeks have been a ... challenging time with Tory. I think it's a combination of traveling to Nebraska for seven days around Christmas, being sick with the flu over New Year's, catching pinkeye, cutting her fourth one-year molar and possibly sleep regression (as if that weren't enough!) that have her acting completely unlike herself. On top of it all, I'm still not feeling 100% after being sick this week and it has my patience on thin ice.

The biggest issue is Tory's refusal to sleep. Every nap and bedtime is a 60-90 minute power struggle between the two of us. It's been this way since mid-December. Different than other sleep refusal episodes, she's bigger now and able to fight her way out of my arms or scream at the top of her lungs for much longer periods. I'm not against letting her cry it out, but I'm not comfortable doing so if she's not feeling well from teething or sickness. The result is a fussy toddler who whines and tugs at the pant legs of a worn-out mama 24/7. I am simply burnt out.

Andi asked me the other night if I'm regretting my decision to stay at home with Tory and my answer was absolutely not. We're just having a rough couple of weeks over here and unfortunately as a stay-at-home-mom in our current situation (read: Andi working ... all the time), there's never a break from parenting. Never someone else to tackle a dreaded bedtime routine. Never more than a few minutes to myself for anything. It's hard to recharge when that's the case.

I mentioned in Tory's 16 month letter how she's been experiencing some separation anxiety as well. It's no secret, she's always been a mama's girl but lately Tory won't let me out of her sight. She constantly wants to be held and will rarely let anyone else do anything for her. Andi's mom seems to be the only one Tory will go other than me, and I'm thankful for all her help while I was sick last weekend.

The last few weeks have caused me to put some plans in motion for 2013. I love staying at home with Tory, I really do, but I also know I need to carve out some time for myself. I hired Andi's cousin to babysit Tory for a few hours every week to give me so alone time to go to appointments, run errands, etc. I'm also joining a gym this week with childcare available. It's not secret I loathe exercise, but I wouldn't mind taking some yoga classes and having a place of escape where I can clear my mind. The childcare area will be a good place for Tory to socialize with other kids, too.

Lastly, I'm reminding myself daily (many, many times) how quickly things change with kids. This is a stage in Tory's development and it'll pass. Soon, she'll eventually be sleeping again without a fight and we'll be back to a regular schedule. I've decided to drop her to one nap a day which I think is a needed adjustment. Part of her refusal to nap may be because I'm pushing sleep when she's really not that tired. We'll see how the transition goes. In the process, I'm booking our morning calendar full of activities to run her little legs and give us a change in scenery from the confines of her playroom.

If all else fails, And and I are taking a vacation in February for my birthday so relief in one form or another is in sight. Not that I'm counting days or anything ....