A question on this blog prompt last week has been nagging me for days ...
Q: What are my hobbies?
A: Being a mom, blogging, traveling
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I have to admit I was a little offended when I first read Andi's answer. Not by his words necessarily, but more the implication there's nothing more to me than "being a mom." (Well, and blogging and traveling which I do enjoy). Seriously, though? Being a mom is all there is to me these days? What happened to the old me?
(P.S. I know Andi didn't mean it offensively. He was a) taking time out of his busy work day to answer a silly blog questionnaire upon my request and b) answering the question with likely the first thought that popped into his head. No hard feelings.)
But his answer left me reflecting about myself. First of all, the statement isn't completely accurate. I do have hobbies -- I like to garden, be crafty, scrapbook, blog, go for walks, drink wine (I'm calling that a hobby), travel, plan parties, (am learning to) sew, cook and bake in the kitchen, boat, take photographs, try new restaurants and spend every minute I can with Andi, Tory and Aden.
Second, it's not that being a mom is all there is to me these days ... it's that being a mom is where I choose to devote 99.9% of my energy and focus. I love my kids more than anything else in the world and while I could be lining up babysitters so I can garden, craft, etc., I'm living my dream by spending (nearly) every single moment of my life with my family. I love taking the kids to swimming and music classes, participating in Tory's preschool classroom, making handmade crafts and cards with Tory, helping Aden practice the skill of sitting up, taking my kids to the zoo on a whim ... and the list goes on. Yes, I am a mom and tons of my favorite "hobbies" are rolled into this one incredible job.
Sometimes I feel like choosing to stay at home to raise my children full-time clouded the definition of who I am. When I worked outside the home and people asked me what I did, it was easy to define myself as A Marketer. Oh, I work here and this is what I do. Being a mom and a homemaker were things I was already doing, sort of like always having brown hair and green eyes, so those jobs described more who I was than what I did. Does that make sense? Now 1 1/2 years later, I still cower a bit when people ask me what I do for a living, like being a stay-at-home parent isn't enough to be recognized. Which is DUMB. I work my tail off every. single. day. 24/7. This is a real job and I should proudly let it sum up who I am.
I think I'll have time again one day to make my other "hobbies" more of a priority, but Tory and Aden will only be this young for a short while. Today, I choose to put my family first. The other parts of me can wait.
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P.P.S - There's a reason I use the blog label "being a mom" on almost every post I write.
Oh my gosh, I truly hope that my response to that previous post didn't offend you in any way. I certainly didn't mean any offense! I just thought it was funny to refer to parenting as a "hobby" since it's not really a role you can just pick up or drop when you have the free time, like knitting or something :)
ReplyDeleteI think preserving your identity is particularly hard when children are young - I see a major difference just having a child who is under one. Once my babies are over age one, it's like there is a whole new level of freedom available to me. Probably because they tend to wean right around that time as well.
Anyway, of course there is WAY MORE to you than being a mom, but I think being a mom is one of my favorite things about me. No reason not to celebrate that!
Oh, Nicole! I definitely wasn't offended by your comment on that post. Don't worry. :)
DeleteAs someone who doesn't stay home with her kids, I kind of wonder what my husband would list as my hobbies? Would he list my career as one of my hobbies? I truly hope not. I'm firmly in the camp that a SAHM has just as much of a "job" as a working outside the home mom, and there's no way one of my hobbies would be considered my job. I know Andi didn't mean anything by it - in fact maybe it was a compliment that you do enjoy being a mom so much that it seems like a "hobby?" After I read this, I tried to list my hobbies as well and came up pretty short... there's just not enough hours in the day to do more than work (whether it's at home or not), play with the kids and care for the kids and still have time and energy to do anything else. Plus, like you - I enjoy being with my kids so often I will give up something "fun" just to hang out with them because that's fun too (ok, I think that came out wrong, but hopefully you know what I mean). Anyways, I totally agree that the kids are only young for a while and there's plenty of time when they're older and don't want us around anyways, ha - where we can enjoy our old hobbies or find new ones!!
ReplyDeleteYou're not alone, Jodi. It took me DAYS of pondering what my hobbies were to come up with a things I like to do in my "spare" time. Not enough hours after work, parenting and keeping up a household is exactly right.
DeleteIt's true. Being a mom is pretty all encompassing with two littles. I eke out little things like blogging, cooking, baking too but whew, not much room for hobbies at this time.
ReplyDeleteGrowing up, I remember playing dolls and Barbies and always wanting to be a mom. It was always my dream in life, above most everything else ... Zach joked before we had kids that I just married him for baby's (not true, we waited 5 YEARS to have kids!) I feel like it does take over my life but I agree family first - being a mom is a serious job and although my hobbies are different now, and revolve completely around my kids (crafting with my kids, taking pictures of my kids, planning parties/outings for my kids, etc) I wouldn't have it any other way.
ReplyDeleteI was about to write the same thing as Jen - having children redefines our hobbies. My hobbies now include blogging and taking pictures both of which came about BECAUSE I have a child and want to spend time with her. Not that if you have hobbies that children aren't involved in that you don't want to spend time with your kids, but you KWIM.
ReplyDeleteI struggle with this too. I love being a SAHM Mom but I do wish I had a personal identity separate from it too.
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