(I wrote this post a few days ago, but it performed a magical disappearing act. Here it is again ...)
Sometimes I'm shocked at the comments people make to one another. Like a friend-of-a-friend stranger this past weekend who commented how "personable" Tory was for having an in-home nanny. I'm sure she didn't mean it offensively, but seriously lady? I was a little annoyed. Does my child really need to attend a daycare with other children to avoid being raised as an introvert?
This isn't the first time some one's said this to me, and I'd venture to guess stay-at-home-moms have fielded like comments. A few months ago, a woman made a similar remark at the Wal-greens pharmacy counter. It's true, Tory doesn't have built-in friends to play with every day at our house but we have her involved in a variety of activities to maintain a level of social engagement (swimming, story time at the library and play dates to name a few). Someday I hope she has a sibling or two to interact with, but until then I'm not worried about it. She's only 10 months old, for goodness sake.
The personable baby comment has me wondering, is an outgoing personality nature or nurture?
I believe it's nature all the way. Getting children involved in activities with others their own age can be very nurturing to their development and I'm sure having a pen of babies playing together daily does foster some friendships between them. However, I don't understand why people would think that because Tory is at home without that social environment, she's lacking in advantage. In fact, she's one of the most bubbly, outgoing 10-month-olds I know. It doesn't matter where we are - the post office, the grocery store or the library - Tory waves and says "hi" to every person she sees, both young and old alike. She loves people and I can only believe her energetic personality is a direct reflection of Andi and I.
Having had my daughter in daycare and just at home, I don't think it makes a difference in their basic personality. So weird that people make those comments to you.
ReplyDeleteI'm with you!
ReplyDeleteBesides, according to the logic of those commenters, most babies raised on the frontier/plains/in the country away from other babies and society during the 1800s would be introverted. Give me a break.
As a stay at home mom, the pressure society puts on us to "socialize" our children drives me nuts. She'll be in social institutions (school and work) for the rest of her life. Does a little baby need 9 hours a day of social interaction?
I think a calm, quiet home, quality time with a caregiver, and chances to be social during errands/play dates is more nurturing of either kind of personality than a center full of (over)stimulation and kids.
I am surprised at the comments we have gotten too! I don't think people mean anything by them - I always just seem to take them personal, although I try not to.
ReplyDeleteWhen a friend of mine found out I was staying home with Lauren this summer - instead of sending her to daycare (because we pay for it) she said it was a terrible idea. They asked who she is going to play with and commented how much her routine will be messed up!
Having Lauren home this summer has not changed her love of socializing : )
MAYBE THOSE PEOPLE THAT SAY THINGS LIKE THAT JUST HAVE WEIRD KIDS... AND USE THAT AS A CRUTCH.. BEING AN INTROVERT VS. EXTROVERT IS IN YOUR HARD WIRING... HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH WHETHER YOU WERE PLACED IN A DAYCARE OR NOT. DONT TAKE OTHER PEOPLES LACK OF INTELLIGENCE TO HEART SISTER.
ReplyDeleteI agree. And I just read somewhere that babies are born with a certain temperament and that they're experiences shape what we later call personality. So yes, we can shape our kid's personality, but only to an extent. They are who they are!
ReplyDeleteI am reading a book currently that stated research says nurture vs nature is a 60/40 ratio. 40 percent we are born with and 60 can be shaped.
ReplyDeleteIt's all a mix of both worlds.