Reflection

It's been three weeks since I stopped nursing Tory and I have to say I'm relieved it's all over. Isn't that a horrible thing to say? I can't help it. I honestly feel like I can breathe again.

Life with formula and bottles is going fine. I thought getting up in the middle of the night to make a bottle would be SUCH A HASSLE, OMG but it's actually no big deal. I remember nursing Tory at some middle-of-the-night session a few months ago and thinking how much of an inconvenience it would be to draaaaag myself to the kitchen, make a bottle, walk allllllll the way back to her nursery to feed her (how lucky am I to just stumble in her room and whip out my boob?) but honestly, it's not any different. It takes me 10 minutes longer to bottle feed her which is definitely not world shattering. I'm easily catching up on those missed 10 minutes of sleep because Tory is almost sleeping through the night. When Tory turned 7 months old (which is coincidentally the exact same day we started her on formula), she started sleeping 7pm - 4am. I call that a sleeping-through-the-night success. While I don't want to say it's the formula that makes her sleep better, it sure seems like that was part of the solution!

Transitioning into a new bedtime routine was challenging the first few nights, but Tory and I quickly adapted. She finishes her bottle, lets me lay her down awake and falls asleep on her own now which never happened when I used to nurse her. Again, part of it could be she's just growing up but it's a great change nonetheless. Lately she'll even let me rock her which is quickly becoming my new favorite pastime together. It melts my heart the way she snuggles in to cuddle. When I was breastfeeding, rocking together without eating only seemed to frustrate her.

The washing of the bottles part of not nursing does suck, but you know what doesn't? Having the freedom to let someone else take part in feeding her. Sometimes Andi puts Tory to sleep at night and I take a shower or eat dinner or DO SOMETHING ELSE. Having a break once and a while is glorious. Ok sure, I actually do most of the feedings because I generally enjoy our bedtime routine together but the opportunity to tag-team with someone else should I desire a break is wonderful.

Now that I've stepped out of the crazy and am able to look back on my breastfeeding experience, I realize just how swamped I felt by my lack of milk production. The constant pumping / supplement pill taking / water drinking / worry, worry, worry was so much pressure on me. In reflection, I enjoyed the overall experience and I definitely plan to do it again, but next time I'll lose the stress and supplement if needed. Formula is just baby food and if it means saving my sanity, I'm all for a marriage of both worlds.