Sunday, February 7, 2010

I'm on time-out

Andi got a few phone calls from his friends this weekend wondering if we were having a baby. I guess all my joking about new tv = new baby spread like wildfire. And while I initially thought it was funny, I think it got a little out control. To set the record straight - we're not pregnant and not trying. I think I need to put all the baby talk on hold - it's starting to make everyone a little uneasy.

I honestly don't know why I'm so obsessed with this topic. I seriously think about nothing else. It's just that I've wanted to be a mom for so many years and that day is finally coming my way. When most of my friends and family in similar age are parents already, are pregnant or about to be, it's hard not to be jealous and wishful that it was me. And I'm so overjoyed for them, please don't think I'm not, but it hurts my heart to watch from the sidelines.

This entire topic is like a double-edge sword. I'm so interested in pregnancy and babies that I want to share my thoughts with basically anyone who'll listen. Yet sharing my thoughts and dreams leaves me feeling exposed like I'm crazy for wanting a baby. I feel happiest when I'm reading fertility books and talking with friends, family and all of you about babies, but it's also contributing to my overarching obsession with all of this. While I thought talking to Andi about babies is helping him 'warm up to the idea' of having our own, it might be doing the opposite. Today I looked into his face when I was telling him a fun fact about reproductive systems I recently read, and he seemed completely overwhelmed. I think it's time to put all this on hold.

So, I'm hereby challenging myself: stop counting down the minutes until we're ready to have a baby. Focus on being married and enjoying our life today. This is going to be really hard for me, but I need to wait for Andi to settle in with the idea of parenthood and let's face it, he's just not there yet. You're all holding me to this! I promise not to talk about babies anymore. No more wife/husband trades for electronics = babies! I'm on baby time-out.

1 comment:

  1. I totally know what you are going through and totally understand the LONGING to me a mommy.

    If you ever need to talk about baby or fertility stuff I can talk about it until I am blue in the face.

    I know my situation is a little different but I was becoming so into it while we were trying that I would always checking baby sites and everything online, finally I just had to tell myself no baby websites, no baby books, no baby anything . . . it seemed to help for a while (about a month. . .until I got pregnant again, ha ha, then the obsession started all over again.)