I've been feeling out of sorts lately and I just can't put my finger on it.
1. I woke up two nights ago with a scratchy throat. Not the kind where you're sick; just the kind where feel like you miiight feel a cold coming on. Yesterday there were 7 people sick in my office. One guy was so sick he literally laid his head on the conference table at one point. GO HOME I said. I don't want to get sick too. I'm going on vacation to sunny, beautiful Hawaii in 3 days and I don't want to be sick. This morning I woke up with a scratchy throat and a slight tickle. I poured myself a nice tall glass of Emergen-C and popped a Zicam. I.WILL.NOT.BE.SICK.ON.VACATION.
2. I was watching the t.v. show Cougar Town last night and one of the characters made a comment about marriage and the security that goes along with it. You never have to feel like that person will leave you or turn away from you because you're hitched. Really? For some reason I don't feel like that. Don't you still have to work at your relationship and keep it fun and exciting and make your spouse interested in YOU? I guess lately I've had this weird paranoia feeling and I just can't shake it. It's like I read into every single phrase my Husband says and analyze it over and over in my head. What's up with that?
3. I'm sure you're all super tired of hearing about it, and believe me, I'm tired of THINKING about it ... but the thought of a child is just plain wearing me down. I feel like it's consuming me. I'm like depressed about it. And I keep telling myself to shake it off. Stop worrying about it. It's not our time right now. And yet - I just can't stop thinking about it. I need serious intervention. I asked on Facebook a few days ago what books I should bring to Hawaii and my sister jokingly wrote 10,000 Baby Names. I actually started to cry. God help me, I'm pathetic.
4. Which cascades into this place, this blog, and my paranoia lately about talking about my thoughts and feelings here. I feel like the outside world is judging me for having those feelings (a la, #3) and then I get all twitchy about talking about my feelings. Then I realize that it's just me - I need to talk about stuff, that's how I roll. It's my blog and if I can't write my thoughts here, then where? So then I do. And then the twitchiness comes back ... and well, you see the demon circle.
5. I saw Alicia Silverstone on Oprah yesterday and she was talking about her book The Kind Diet and how she eats a Vegan diet. Alicia was saying that after she started cutting out meat, dairy and processed foods her skin was clearer, she has more regular bowel movements and she's got more energy. This makes me want to cut out meat (which I've essentially already done) and processed foods too. Not sure I could cut out dairy YIKES! For all the great reasons she illustrated above. I really want to eat better and be healthier. I just don't know if I can really do it.
6. I'm excited for our trip next week - I really am. My brain has already slipped into vacation mode which may be the reason I feel super super lazy lately. Too lazy to clean up after dinner. Too lazy to shower in the morning. I think a little beach r & r will do the trick.
What a depressing post. Urgh. Thank goodness it's Friday.